January 12, 2015

A Healing Journey to the Center of Myself.

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I am beginning to see now just what it is I have done for myself in this lifetime.

I am beginning to understand the extent and the depth of the work that I have done with and on behalf of myself.

I am beginning to allow for the seeds that I so bravely planted within to truly take root and to crack open the surface and begin to show. And with this I am beginning to acknowledge just how grateful I am for my own persistency, courage and unwavering faith.

Sure, there have been moments when my mind has questioned just about everything and I have felt like giving up—I’m even sure there are many more of those moments to come.

But at the end of the day I still have myself to thank for pulling myself through the tough stuff and believing in the good of all. I have stared myself in the eyes and oscillated between feeling intense self-loathing and good old unconditional love.

However dark things have sometimes been, I never forgot about the light.

I am beginning to see that I have really been there for myself through it all. I’m seeing that all of the past little versions of me have brought me safely to this moment, this magnificent moment we call the present.

So, without neglecting the importance of the people who have always been around, I realize that I, more than anyone, am to thank for this precious moment. Just as much as I am to blame for all the times I have not acknowledged the geniality and beauty of life I am, also to thank for all those other times when I actually did manage to open my eyes to the wonder of the world.

Blame has no purpose, I know that now. Even what we perceive as mistakes and all that we take on as guilt which wears us down has a reason too: to teach us lessons in unconditional love.

I understand it is rather rare and uncomfortable to see yourself as the hero of your own life, and I suppose it is because people seldom feel capable of this. We are also seldom encouraged to be the divine hero of our own lives.

We need to be willing to ask for support, to let others be there for us. But without faith in our own potential and without our own support to ourselves, we are mere infants helplessly wandering this hazardous earth.

So once we have physically grown beyond the stage of infancy we must slowly but surely metaphysically grow into our own loving parent, god or goddess.

Without developing this inward support of the self, we cannot embody the full magnitude of who we have the potential to become. Parents teach us about this, they are the examples of the loving parents that we are meant to develop within by showing us how to love us unconditionally.

Though all parents are flawed and make mistakes of their own, we must strive to become the better parent and learn from all given lessons. The better parent is the one who loves even more, not in a competitive way, but in a forgiving, brave, naked and vulnerable way.

The better parent is the person who loves him/herself extensively through everything and who, thanks to this love, knows how to love all other beings and moments just the same way, and who dedicates his/her life to simply be an expression of that love. The better parent is he/she who forgives their own parents and all others just as he/she forgives himself for he/she understands that all things are merely different aspects of the same thing: the desire for love to express itself in one way or another.

I want to thank my inner parent, my divinity within, for never leaving me and for helping me get back to where I can see the bigger picture, for taking care of and comforting all my inner children who were once hurt, holding their hands until they were finally ready to leave happily and allow me to continue onto the next adventure.

It is not without humility that I bow down to my own inner being because I for one know the resistance I have many times put up. The beauty of it is that in seeing that it is this unconditionally loving being of light within me that brought me to be—I can now peacefully merge with it. With all the gratitude my heart can bear, I now surrender to my own magnificence, allowing for all the love it holds to be expressed entirely and freely through me.

Because she the human being that isn’t just the facilitator of love—she is love manifested.



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Author: Antonia Rothschild 

Editor: Renée Picard

Photo: Courtney Gibson Eubanks at PIxoto



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