Would you be willing to date a woman who is afraid to love? A woman who finds herself leading an independent life, despite wanting to share it with a good man?
Don’t be fooled into thinking that she is content to remain alone—she is ready to let go a degree of that independence and join with a partner.
She needs your help, this woman. Although she may never admit to it, deep down, she is afraid of men.
She’s not so different from other women who want a partner to laugh and enjoy the good times with and to help shoulder the burden of the tough times. She too longs for connection, affection, intimacy, companionship, touch, sensational sex (why not?) and a human hot water bottle to snuggle up with at night. She wants the same things as everyone else.
But she has low expectations when it comes to men. In fact, she expects to be disappointed. Not right away, but in the long term. And this lurking expectation is always at play in her relationships, subtly sabotaging them—shining the light on the traits to be wary of a lot more than on the qualities to be grateful for.
Since childhood she has been conditioned to believe she needs to be wary of men.
Men are selfish.
Given the chance, all men will cheat.
Men are not to be trusted.
Men are only after one thing.
All men are bastards.
These messages have wormed their way into her psyche, and burrowed deep down.
So, she over-analyzes behaviour and watches out for hints of future relationship dysfunction. She struggles to relax and enjoy what is available to her right now, constantly projecting her thoughts towards what the future might hold. And she allows herself to believe that her imaginary future with this man can never be aligned with the one she desires.
So she holds back. She doesn’t give all she has to give—all she wants to give—and the relationship fails to flourish into all that it can be.
These may seem like perfectly good reasons to avoid her like the plague, but that would be a mistake. This woman has a whole lot to offer—she just needs to feel safe first.
What this woman needs is a strong man, who is not afraid of her fear. A man who can take it on and, in time, help her to dissolve it. A man who will make her feel safe enough to reveal her hidden depths and to love with all her heart.
Do not respond to her fear by fleeing. Respond to it with courage—even if you feel a little fear yourself.
“There can be no courage without fear.” ~ Christopher Paolini
If you’re willing to flex your courage muscles and be patient, she’ll be willing to flex hers too. She wants what you do—make her feel safe and you can find it together.
Author: Hilda Carroll
Editor: Renee Picard
Photo via JRidgeway/Flickr