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February 28, 2015

I am a Different Yogi Now.

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I’m a different yogi now.

A year ago, I exploded off the mat.

I had a stable confidence that kept me balanced. I had all the core poses down and was able to push my edge and test my physical boundaries.

The studio was my church and the mat was my confessional.

I’d show up, blow up and leave feeling complete.

Today, yoga is different.

Since a hiatus to nurse my back injury, I feel like yoga moved on without me. The poses I once felt so assured in, now challenge me.

The balancing half moon I used to excitedly anticipate now leaves me feeling disappointed.

I am a different yogi now.

Despite walking the path before, I find myself at the beginning again. The dues I paid to earn poses like wheel are now of no value.

I feel like I know the words, but I’m speaking the wrong language.

I’m a different yogi now.

That old yoga of mine pleased my ego.

I confidently checked boxes as I figured out new, advanced postures. It left me with twisted knees from forcing lotus and painful hips from pushing bird of paradise too soon.

It fed my external commitments, but not my soul.

It felt good to be good, but didn’t make me better.

I am a different yogi now.

Today, I am more humble. I go where my body calls me and push when the time is right.

I breathe, listen and face my insecurities.

Sometimes it doesn’t feel good, but it’s healthy. I don’t think yoga will ever be that old way again. Though it feels sad to think of that way being lost, I smile at the thought of practicing for myself.

This new yoga requires patience, self-compassion and vulnerability.

The studio is my sanctuary and the mat my therapist.

I’m beautifully broken and I’m a different yogi now.

 

 

Relephant:

How Letting my Dreams Die Made Me a Better Yogi.

 

Author: Morgan Hembree

Volunteer Editor: Kim Haas/ Editor: Ashleigh

Photo: courtesy of the author

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Morgan Hembree