#I Don’t Want To Have Sex With You.

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Time out

I don’t want to have sex with you. Your erection, is not my responsibility.

This is dedicated to all the boys with only one thing on their mind: sex. I don’t want to have sex with you. And I don’t owe you an explanation.

Maybe I just want to be friends.

Maybe I want a relationship.

Maybe I want to build a relationship based on friendship and shared interests.

Maybe I went to a girl’s school, and boys and men are aliens to me.

Maybe I have no brothers, no father, no uncle, no male friends, at all. Maybe I only know the company of women.

Maybe I’m scared of you.

Maybe I want a real man.

Maybe I’m sick of raising men.

Maybe everyone finds me beautiful, except me.

Maybe I’m tired of being bothered by boring men trying to fuck me.

Maybe I’m just a friendly person.

Maybe I’m a Lesbian—or I’m seriously considering it… and not so you can watch.

Maybe I already know you don’t have what I want or need.

Maybe your clothes smell like stagnant washing. Maybe this already tells me all I need to know.

Maybe I was sexually abused as a child, and will never get over it. Or maybe I will. Maybe I haven’t decided, yet. Maybe I don’t know how.

Maybe I have body-issues.

Maybe I want to fall in love, get married and have babies.

Maybe I don’t want to get pregnant, don’t want to take the pill and hate condoms.

Maybe I need Sexual Healing.

Maybe I’ve only ever been raped and have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Maybe I didn’t know I had that.

Maybe no one has ever let me talk about it, and I’ll never speak about it again.

Maybe I was seduced by too many older men in my twenties and will never trust again.

Maybe my heart is bruised.

Maybe I’m just here for the music.

Maybe I feel pressured to be happy. And smile. And not cry.

Maybe I’m a virgin, and you’re not the one.

Maybe I still believe in love.

Maybe I want to make love.

Maybe I can’t have what I want, so there’s nothing that I want.

Maybe I have my period.

Maybe I’m not in the mood.

Maybe I’m in love with someone, right now. And it’s breaking my heart.

Maybe I’m tired of shit boyfriends.

Maybe I’m tired of attempted rape.

Maybe my Valentine’s Days were only spent with #1billionrising.

Maybe that’s the birthday of my last rapist.

Maybe you’d find all of this out if you cared to get to know me. No matter how long it takes.

I don’t want to have sex with you—no matter what I’m wearing.

Maybe I learned to get dressed from magazines and tv.

Maybe I didn’t buy my boobs, and don’t want to talk about them—even if they’re breathing. Even if they’re radiating.

Maybe I haven’t learned how much strangers like to talk about them, because I’m used to being surrounded by people who treat me like a whole person.

Maybe I’m naturally classy.

Maybe I have no idea how hot I am in the eye of the beholder. Maybe looks don’t matter to me.

Maybe I just had to wear something, because society doesn’t make clothes that fit me.

Maybe I will always be bursting out of my dress.

Maybe I’m Marilyn Monroe.

Maybe I have no idea about fashion, and don’t care to.

Maybe I do.

Maybe I wear red lipstick, to reflect my flaming tongue of truth that will never be silent.

Maybe my words are on fire.

Maybe I want you to #redmylips.

Maybe I like to dance—and dress—for the occasion.

Maybe my clothes reflect who I am.

Maybe they don’t.

Maybe I feel peer-pressured, or am just trying to fit in.

Maybe I don’t yet know that I’m in for a life of being sexualised…


Now that you know some of the possible reasons why I don’t want to have sex with you, you can hold all of that in your heart, and ask inquiring questions. Or you can throw in some deep statements, and walk away for a while.

Say interesting things like: “I’m not afraid of your darkness.” —and walk away. Or, “Maybe you could tell me about it, sometime.”

Because I only like deep people, and I’m always interested in new friends. I am a person, and your erection is your responsibility. If this is a revelation, here are a couple of suggestions:

1) Learn how to develop human connections through the art of conversation. Ask interesting questions. Have interests.

2) Learn how to channel sexual energy into other things, by using it as fuel for your life; connect it to your heart, circulate it through your whole body, connect it to your mind, fuel your art, creativity, and community projects. Utilise your vitality for serving others.

3) If it’s uncomfortably overwhelming, go and masturbate in the bathroom and come back out for at least 5 minutes more erection-free conversation. Conversation is the best intercourse.

4) Maybe your navigation is all off, and your erection leads you astray. Get aligned with your body, mind and spirit. Study up on the Universal Relevance of Tantra.

5) Go and find someone who shares your mutual desire for casual, meaningless sex.

If you learn people skills, maybe I’ll want to touch you. It’s not about having to convince me you’re worth it, or expelling your resume and great-guy qualifications like I were a job. Prove it.

Be interested:

“Do you like casual sex, or do you prefer relationships?”

“What do you like about casual sex?”

“What do you like about relationships?”

“Do you feel confident enough to share a strong foundation of Love with someone, and an open sex-life, or are you more monogamous?”

“Do you like books? What is one that really stands out? Did it teach you anything?”

“Do you watch movies?”

“What do you love? Kittens, Architecture, Rainbows, Archery, Holidays, Psychology, Movies, Astrology… Money? What would you do with money?”

“Do you write? You look like a writer. You look deep. Where can I read what you’ve written?”

“I really like deep conversations, but we’ll have to get to know each other better for that.”

You can talk about your sister, or your mother, or your dreams and aspirations. Offer interesting and relevant things about yourself. Talk about the last book that taught you something. There’s nothing more attractive than a man who loves to learn, who lives for the next revelation. Ask me about my heart. Find out what I love and value.

And if I don’t want to talk to you, don’t hang around. Go away.

You can try coming back one more time, later, to see if I missed you. And if you do it a few times, each time making sure it’s long enough that I’ve forgotten about you—maybe even thought you’d left—you might begin to grow on me… and maybe I’ll want to be friends.

And then you can learn why I really don’t want to have sex with you.

If I don’t want to be friends, don’t push it, and understand NO.

Maybe I never want to share again. Maybe it’s not you.

Maybe I just want to write.


Author: Mardi Shakti 

Editor: Caroline Beaton

Photo: Flickr

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anonymous Sep 16, 2015 10:40am

Wonderful read!

anonymous Mar 11, 2015 3:26am

Yes. Very powerful. And teasing. Sex without bahkti is not so much to have. Reading something here, something there by you. Like it.

anonymous Mar 6, 2015 10:46am

That's all well and good but just because a guy comes off that way at first doesn't mean he's a scumbag. People get horny and women especially. Women don't know how to use their intuition anymore because the TV and media have crossed their wires maybe permanently. Instead of listening to the inner voice they listen to their best friend, Oprah, Dr Drew, etc. No one knows what's right for you but you. My longest relationships have been with women I had sex with on the first night. Maybe I just got lucky but you attract what you are. Women have to realize that they've been targeted by the media because they are more vulnerable to these emotional mindgames and programming but the media tells you what I just said is sexist and you believe it and then go on ignoring the effect it's having on you. Nothing else men can do at that point if you don't want to analyze the situation to see what actually happened. Sometimes emotion is not the way to go but that is different from intuition. It's ALWAYS the way to go because that inner voice is God speaking to you. And you're right God isn't a man or a woman since it doesn't need to reproduce. Women get mad when you hit on them and mad when you don't. What are men supposed to do? I guess we'll just keep playing Playstation and watching football. Women put all of the onus on men and rarely work on themselves. This is why no one stated that most women love thugs and bad boys because at least they can have an orgasm that way. If you don't love yourself you sure as hell aren't going to find someone who does. You want someone that mirrors how you feel about yourself. And I didn't even take Psych 101.

anonymous Mar 5, 2015 2:11pm

Thanks so much for your feedback, guys, gals, and everyone in between.

We live in a society that empasises “Intellectual Education” – which has nothing to do with Independent Thought, and everything to do with obedience.

Where is the education for our souls? For our emotional maturity, and our sexuality?

“Whoever controls the media controls the mind.” ~ Jim Morrison

Grateful for online people media, it means a lot to me that you read my article.
And shared it.

Wishing you wonderful lives!
x Mardi x

anonymous Mar 2, 2015 4:21pm

Women need a reason, men just need a place. Darwin, perhaps?

anonymous Feb 28, 2015 11:16am

Well I am a guy and can relate to this …totally…

anonymous Feb 27, 2015 10:37pm

Well, I’m gay and sometimes its just not appropriate to just come out and say it. But then again sometimes you just have to come out and say it.

anonymous Feb 27, 2015 9:12pm

Brilliant! Thank you for writing this. Really love it.

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Mardi Shakti

Mardi Shakti is a Freelance Agent of The Goddess; writing is her thing. Connect with her at her website.