My Husband told me to “Be Less Weird.” My Response:

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Face mask

My Darling Husband,

There is something we need to discuss.

I feel that a letter is the most appropriate form of communication. We have moved past the point of it being dinner table conversation material.

So. I’ll cut right to the chase.

The phrase “be less weird!” accompanied by a slight twitch of your lips, a smirk, a roll of your eyes, has become a frequent occurrence in our household of late.

Your mates give you sympathetic looks and pats on the shoulder.

They feel your pain when you describe my latest “be less weird!” transgressions:

– The scoby hotels taking up prime real estate in the pantry. Might I gently remind you, my dear one, that you enjoy the spoils of these “chicken fillet breast implants” as you so fondly refer to the scoby cultures as? And yes, I do talk to them. They are living organisms. To not talk to them would just be rude.

– My morning oil pulling ritual. Just know that it makes my teeth whiter and my breath fresher. You should try it sometime.

– When I innocently suggested that you might like to start your day with morning pages and end it with gratitude journaling. It seemed such a fitting idea at the time. I’m still puzzled as to why I should put that in my pipe and smoke it?

– Using a jade roller on my face as part of my evening skin care routine. It’s helping to keep my face youthful and wrinkle-free. You must realise that you inadvertently benefit from this practice. Eye-candy and vanity aside, I do have one request: Please stop trying to use my jade roller as your personal scalp massager. There are His ‘n’ Hers zones in the bathroom for good reason.

– In the last couple of months there has been a third ‘person’ in our bed: Mr. Triangle Pillow. You see him as taking up valuable space in our bed. I see him as a necessary physical comfort. The solution is simple: buy a king-size bed.

– My love affair with Feng Shui runs hot and deep. So yes, those silver coins in the windowsill are serving a purpose. Trust me on this one. And whilst I love—repeat, LOVE—the fact that you do all the vacuuming, please resist your impish urge to try and vacuum up the coins. My Zen state only lasts so long.

– I’ve saved the best until last. My defining moment (I think this sparked your little “be less weird!” phrase): Late last year when you decided, completely out of the blue, to do some weeding down the side of the house. I thought I was safe. You hardly ever go there. And yet for some strange reason, on this day, of all days, you did. And you found my little collection of crystals, ready and waiting to be charged by the light of the impending full moon. The expression on your face was absolutely priceless. It still brings a smile to my lips whenever I remember.

You play it up, as is to be expected, but secretly you love my spunk, my weirdness, my ability to be my own person no matter what anyone else thinks.

Yes, my love, you have a wife who comes to bed with coconut oil on her face, charges crystals under the moonlight and believes in energies she cannot see: a wife who will inspire many more “be less weird!” outcries in the future.

This I can promise you. We may as well go ahead and amend our wedding vows right now.

I march to the beat of my own drum. I always have. I bring laughter and light and love into your life. You wouldn’t have it, or me, any other way. You’re smirking and laughing right now as you read this letter.

Which means you are in the perfect frame of mind to deal with my latest bombshell.

Fair warning: It will probably outrank the crystal incident. I’ll let you mull it over for a while and you can get back to me with a verdict, okay?

I have decided to try Guasha washing.

Pick your jaw up off the floor, honey. You would think I just told you that I am joining a cult.

Guasha wash is an ancient skin healing solution that I can make at home using vodka and bi-carb soda. So simple and, if the online reviews are anything to go by, my skin is going to be amazing! You can try it too if you’d like.

Don’t be concerned if the shower smells like a distillery. I had to use your new bottle of Smirnoff to make up the Guasha.

I know, I know, be less weird!

Your lovely (and loving) wife. Xx

 

Author: Bree Hogan

Editor: Caroline Beaton

Photo: Flickr

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Bree Hogan

Bree Hogan is a holistic health coach, writer, speaker, wellness activist and mumma to one gorgeous fur-child. After a life-threatening illness in 2005 left her with ongoing health complications, Bree embarked on a healing journey using real food as medicine integrated with a healthy mind, body and spirit connection. Drawing on her firsthand experience, Bree has a deep passion to guide and empower women suffering from chronic pain or chronic illness to take charge of their own health and happiness. Connect with Bree on herwebsite, on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

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anonymous May 21, 2015 11:07pm

I love this! 😀 My husband gives me a very tolerant "if you say so" look when I get my weird on. hehe

    anonymous May 24, 2015 5:47pm

    I know that look Renee! Makes me laugh every single time!

anonymous Apr 25, 2015 6:30am

LOL LuluSalavegsen, Hubby knew I was writing something about him but he wasn't exactly sure what that something was until the article came out. He loved it 🙂 I'm so happy reading it gave you the giggles and some new insights. If you have any questions feel free to drop me a note (links in profile above). Happy researching! xx

anonymous Apr 22, 2015 7:14am

I LOVE this, Bree! Thank you for posting such an honest and humorous post. I too, am beyond weird. I’ve lost friends and possibly a marriage due to it (I don’t even know about half the stuff you listed, so I’ll do some research!) This was hilarious. Charge away on those stones and energy be ever-present. Thanks to your husband too, for being some what understanding. At least enough to give permission for this post. Love and light to you both!

anonymous Mar 27, 2015 5:47pm

I love that you do talk to the living organizimises as I do the same with everything. My boyfriend will chuckle when I do it yet I know he loves me for it too. Once in awhile I her him talk to our succulents that we are trying so hard to grow. I also talk to our koi fish when I am feeding them so they now get excited and splash around where I am standing when i walk towards their pond. Also I use the coconut oil for so many things as well! I can’t keep enough of it since i use it on everything!

Keep being you and he will never stop loving you! <3

    anonymous Mar 30, 2015 6:32am

    I know what you mean about the coconut oil Crystal, I go through jars of the stuff! And definitely agree re: the talking thing, a little bit of attention goes a long way for any living creature. Your Koi fish are clearly thriving and recognise you when you visit them. Xx

anonymous Mar 25, 2015 12:28pm

Absolutely love it.. Enlighten us also on the secret of putting coconut oil on your fa’ve and other rituals for glowing skin mind n hair

    anonymous Mar 26, 2015 5:40am

    Hi Arshy. I like to use coconut oil to help rehydrate my skin. I also find it works really well as an inexpensive, natural make-up remover. Cheers, Bree

anonymous Mar 22, 2015 9:00pm

When I find my man I'll show him this. I adore you! : ) You made me smile. Thanks

    anonymous Mar 26, 2015 4:18am

    Awww thanks Helen, I’m glad my words had a smiley effect on you. Love to hear how your man reacts when you show it to him! xx

anonymous Mar 5, 2015 9:38pm

Thank you Bree. You’re amazing, and just changed my life. Namaste xxo

    anonymous Mar 6, 2015 2:44am

    Wow thank you Rosie, what a lovely thing of you to say, I am truly touched. xx

anonymous Mar 5, 2015 6:18am

hilarious Bree, made my morning. It reminded me of the eye rolls I get from my adoring partner-in-life when I break out into spontaneous dance moves to which he always quips ‘You go white girl’. But my version of ‘Fire’ sung In an Elmer Fud voice gets him everytime

    anonymous Mar 6, 2015 2:43am

    You crack me up Alison, that's awesome! How could anyone resist you singing 'Fire' in an Elmer Fudd voice?!

anonymous Mar 4, 2015 7:11am

I HAD a boyfriend that told me to to be less weird.
😀

    anonymous Mar 6, 2015 2:56am

    Then it's his loss Ina. You shine 🙂

anonymous Mar 3, 2015 11:15pm

Can you lead me to more info on the crystals.. Seems like something I'd like my husband to make fun of me for

    anonymous Mar 4, 2015 3:46am

    What kind of info are you after Kaitlin? Feel free to contact me directly (connect links in my profile).

anonymous Mar 3, 2015 5:33am

What a great read. I think it is important to keep your individuality. Your hubby is a lucky man.
I think it is time for me to become more weird because it all sounds so interesting and meaningful. Do you have any suggestions on what’s the best way to start? There seems to be so much and I am not sure where to start.

    anonymous Mar 3, 2015 9:43pm

    I'd suggest joining my tribe, Christina (link in profile). My weirdness is bound to rub off 🙂

anonymous Mar 2, 2015 10:54pm

I need clarification ….
What does this “be less weird” look like?

    anonymous Mar 3, 2015 9:47pm

    Less of what I currently do? I haven't attempted to find out, Nova. I just keep doing what I'm doing.

anonymous Mar 2, 2015 3:54pm

Hopefully you guys sort it out, otherwise, marry me Bree! Hahaha. Wish there were more women like you in our 'mining town' downunder (Perth).

anonymous Mar 1, 2015 8:22am

hi,

very nice article…

    anonymous Mar 1, 2015 10:24pm

    Thanks Rahul, glad you enjoyed it. Bree

anonymous Feb 28, 2015 11:17pm

Love it, so entertaining.

    anonymous Mar 1, 2015 10:25pm

    Thanks Jenny, I had a lot of fun (and giggles) writing it. Bree

anonymous Feb 28, 2015 11:12pm

Dear Bree, keep rockin' your gorgeous special & totally divine wierdness! I told you before, I'll tell you again, – you're absolutely amazing, inspiring and fabulous! X ChinaGirl (p.s. Dear Mr H, your gorgeous 'wierd' wifey totes rocks those crystals!)

    anonymous Mar 1, 2015 10:29pm

    As always, ChinaGirl, you bring a big smile to my dial. Thank you! And yes, Mr H knows that I totally rock those crystals. Now I just have to check when the next full moon is…!

anonymous Feb 28, 2015 8:18pm

Oh gosh…hilarious! I get the same reaction from my love as well…esp the scoby hotel. I talk to mine always!!! Lol thankyou for your post!

    anonymous Mar 1, 2015 10:33pm

    The scoby hotel gets them every time Kim! Glad you enjoyed the article and had a good chuckle.