The best description of the essence of the masculine and feminine that I have ever heard comes from the delicious David Deida.
In one of his YouTube sessions, he poses this question:
“Which is more powerful, the ocean or a ship? Of course, the ocean. But which would you want to be in if you needed to get somewhere?”
This speaks to me as a woman beyond all other descriptions. Yes, oceanic. We certainly are.
Isn’t it interesting how differently we judge women to the ocean, despite our obvious similarities and ancient ties?
We do not look at the ocean and its constant sways, changes and swells with distrust; we revere them. We do not ask the ocean to be calm when it is rough, or sunny when it is moody; we seek the beach for comfort in all weather.
We do not lament the awesome power of the waves smashing on the sand. We celebrate and revere it in all its glorious moods.
All of these same attributes that we adore in the ocean are the very ones that are feared, suppressed or at best, met with confusion in women. For a man, I can only imagine the endless difficulties that arise from loving a strong, determined oceanic woman. How does a man lovingly take his place beside us without confusion?
The answers are surprisingly simple.
1. Be genuinely present—don’t fix me.
What this really means is listen deeper. Be fully in the room with me and listen to the core, the truth of what I am expressing—rather than the noise. Do not be afraid of my changeability or excitement or anger or energy. Plant your feet wide apart, stand solid, and allow me to surge around you.
The moment you begin offering solutions, all is lost; you will be sucked down into my depths and the opportunity for matching me in the moment will be lost. As the ocean, I do not need solutions. I want your strong unwavering presence, so that when the storm recedes and my waters calm, you are right where you were when it started.
2. Touch me when you kiss me.
It’s time: I call for the retirement of the obligatory run-out-the-door cheek peck. In truth, I’d rather not be kissed, than snap-snogged like a child’s doll. What I really want are petite, purposeful moments of everyday passion. Tiny gestures are the key.
Gently brush my cheek.
Lift my chin toward you.
Breathe right into that leaving/greeting kiss.
Curl your fingers around the curve of my neck and into the softest hairs that live at the apex of my spine.
Or, best of all, ravish me in your arms and allow my giggles to escape before you rush off to your day.
It takes no longer, but I will remember that brief beauty for hours. Like a schoolgirl.
3. Take the lead.
Gone are the days when I constantly assert that “I can do it myself.” I am comfortable that we all know I can handle my shit. Strong women are not only able to appreciate when you shoulder some of the decision-making, we actually crave and respect it.
Let me relinquish some of the masculine energy I’ve needed to summon through my day to get everything done. Remove from me, for a moment, my need to be all things to all people all of the time and allow me to blissfully sink into your safety. Be kind, be firm.
Invite me to be led by you.
Make a decision and lovingly tell me when to be ready.
Turn off the television, look me in the eyes and do not apologise.
Take just one set of the day’s reins from my weary hands and hold them confidently.
These three beautiful and simple things are truly all I need. Give them to me with abandon, and I am yours.
Author: Crystal Davis
Editor: Catherine Monkman
Photo: Aldo Tapia/Flickr