There are two types of men you don’t need.
The ones that don’t care and the ones that do. The ones that don’t care will have moved on by now. So that leaves us.
The men still here.
We are a funny bunch. We’re a tangle of threads, as we try to escape the mould we’ve been poured in.
We feel before we see. Hearts first, curious minds sprinting to catch up and take in everything. We are chasms of love and affection just waiting to burst and we have an inability to hold a lie. We are watchers and thinkers, dreamers and empaths. We can run through a feeling more quickly than most and end up explaining the answer before we actually know the question.
We feel the word that’s bigger, better, more descriptive than “love.” We are the words that don’t yet exist.
We are the ones you don’t need.
We are the ones you attract with your promise of depth and desire for intimacy, for we see the truth in love and the trust in sex. We crave the deepness of vulnerability and the comfort of a best friend. Your flashing eyes and fancy words, your dreamy ways and your hint of something real, turns our hearts and locks our eyes.
We are the ones who see the other men and realize that, on the surface, their distance and apparent ease of passion is attractive to you. And we see the day that you realize that you wanted more than you had. We see the empty feeling after the unavailable stranger and whilst on one hand we’re envious, on another we’re sad.
Because you deserve so much more. Your body is too precious to be thrown at the first intriguing soul you fall in convenient love with. We know that you are worth more. Even if you don’t believe it yet.
We are the lovers who stay.
We are the ones who see truth behind fluff and sadness behind smiles.
We are the ones who will run at your heart. And we are the ones who fall hardest when we realize you can’t have us there.
We are the ones that really care.
We are the fools. The ones who never learn, who will disregard the advice of all around us to listen only to our hearts. We are the ones who will get back up and brace ourselves again and again. Because we are the ones that see you.
And yes, we are the ones who might need you.
Because we don’t understand why we would want to entangle ourselves with someone who doesn’t bring hope and wonder and magic and fizzy eyes to our world. And when we find that, there’s no way in hell we’re letting that go. But we are also the ones who see that you don’t want us to need you will run ruins in our hearts trying to change, so as to preserve you.
The problem with us is that we are too close to needy, too close to pushovers and too close to boys. But the truth is, we are some of the strongest men you will find. For sure, we will shy from a fist fight but show us your heart and we will battle black and blue. We are not a problem or a victim, but view us as like that and our empathy is such that we will inherit your vision.
See us through your fears and we will question them in ourselves.
We are a balance of truth seeking and strength. We want honesty and authenticity right along side dependability and honor.
We are the ones who will come back. Again and again and again. We will crave you and end up smothering you. We will analyze and predict and worry and “try harder.” Because we want to be visible.
Because the thing is, when you don’t need us, we’re not visible.
We become an option.
But we love too hard to narrow your choices.
We have been known to utter words like “half your heart is better than none of your heart.”
But it’s not.
And it kills us, really.
We’re not the type to up and leave. We believe in integrity and commitment and will never settle for a one night stand or fling or hook up or whatever else our souls are too old to understand.
And we will hardly ever point a finger at anyone but ourselves. We care about your beautiful heart, to tell you it hurts when it seems like you don’t care. And we are too quick to look within when something isn’t working.
No one likes a sap.
Neither do we.
And yet we are interpreted as such. We are seen as the doormats, the ones who lack confidence and the ones who are weak.
But you couldn’t be more wrong.
Because while your back is turned and your eyes are ignoring us, we are fighting battles in our hearts. And we are fighting both sides. We see our own worth and needs and stand up to your aloofness and distant love.
And then we fire straight back in defense of you. We argue that “if you don’t know, you don’t know” and that “it’s about intention” and that you “have the best of it.” We fight our own dialogue that growls at your cruelty and control, your hypocrisy and double standards.
We try to see those traits in ourselves before considering them in you.
We are our own worst critic. Not from a lack of self worth, rather from a sense of truth seeking and even if we end up being the bad guy we are so often seen as. There is nothing we could be accused of that we haven’t already considered.
And we are the ones who write articles about who we are and how we feel and what we think and then consider deleting the whole thing for fear of it not being entirely authentic.
But then, we are also the ones who believe in life and the path to happiness. So we’ll write an article that we’re not entirely sure of by the end, but a part of us will trust that it’s okay and that what our hearts want to sing will be heard.
And even though you think you don’t need us, we’ll stick around and love you anyway.
Because we like you.
And we’re a sucker for a woman who “don’t need no man.”
Author: Andy Charrington
Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock
Photo:: Allef Vinicius/ Unsplash