March 20, 2015

Dating a Smaller (than you) Man.


I first encountered my fiancé in an online writing group. Since this group existed on Facebook, I did what any normal woman would do when a man caught her eye: I Facebook stalked him.

Through my photo album investigations, I noticed that he was not only the smart, creative, quirky and talented man I’d noticed in the group, but he was extremely handsome. And extremely fit, active, glowing and what appeared to be unmarried. Naturally I assumed he was extremely gay. Or taken.

We started talking one night in a private chat and there was instant chemistry. We flowed through topics light and heavy and it didn’t go unnoticed when he wrote “…being a smaller guy…”. Later I managed to work into the conversation, “How tall are you?”

“Five-foot-two,” he replied.


“You got pretty quiet there,” he said after several seconds.

“Oh I was just distracted with something for a minute, sorry,” I replied. The distraction was me processing just how I felt about that.

You see, I’m not small. I guess I’m pretty average but some might call me above average in the size department. I’m 5’6” and a chubby size 14. Like most women, I float through feeling comfortable and uncomfortable with my size. Unlike most women, I’ve been open to dating men on the shorter side—but 5’2” was a range I’d never ventured into.

We took off like a rocket. We quickly fell in love and made plans to meet in person. In casual conversation, he mentioned that he wore a size 28 jean.

“I’m going to split him in two and kill him,” I shared with a good friend about that particular factoid.
In reality, when we met, our bodies fit together like the peas and carrots of our personalities and that was that. It was easy, and perfect.

We recently completed a three-week whirlwind tour across four states in a car. We slept in seven different beds, soaked in three bathtubs together, rode in my car and navigated all kinds of crowds.
I came home and contemplated some of the benefits of being with this gorgeous man who stands tall four inches lower than me.

I figured I’d give the shorter-than-average fellas a shout-out and a little encouragement to the ladies to reconsider this “I could never date a man whose butt is smaller than mine” thing. Here are some added perks that come with the smaller guy that only someone who’d lived it might discover:

1. Bed space relations.

We slept in so many different sized beds and could comfortably be in every one, without having to spoon all the time either. We could each have our own breathing room in a double bed and realized that we will easily navigate that lower bunk in the train trip we intend to take for our honeymoon.

2. Bathtub navigation.

Slipping into a tub and into the arms of your man easily without overflowing the room is a moment of joy. Then you realize you can even move around in there trying different shapes and positions together with ease. Additional space adds to that intimacy.

3. Crowd cruising.

Smaller men get used to slipping through crowds almost unnoticed. My love would grab my hand and I’d flow right along behind him as he sourced our way from the back to the front like water in a stream. The next thing I knew we were outside on our way to the car.

4. Personality.

Shorter guys often didn’t have it so easy in adolescence simply for that one physical factor. If they wanted to be popular or fit in, they would have to work just a little extra in the personality department. You often find the jovial, fun-loving, funny, life-of-the-party guys in shorter altitudes. This makes for great conversation and fun.

5. Industriousness.

It’s not fair, but things don’t come as easy to the shorter guys as, say, the 6’3” quarterback. My fiancé is the most hardworking, energetic man I’ve ever been with. On our trip, he did all the laundry, helped me un-decorate my entire house after Christmas and brought me coffee every morning although he doesn’t drink it himself. I’ll leave it up to your imagination what this looks like in the bedroom.

6.  Presence.

People who’ve met my fiancé don’t believe that he’s four inches shorter than me. He’s developed a larger-than-life presence. He doesn’t slouch and projects such a positive, palpable energy that it makes him appear much higher in stature.

7.  Confidence.

I leave this for last because it’s the most important trait of all. Shorter men have often had to dig deeper in order to reach and develop that inner confidence women find so sexy. I asked my man, “Have you ever felt insecure about your height?” to which he replied, “Never.” It shows. He exudes a quiet confidence which, I think, is the sexiest trait in a man.


Ladies, I encourage you to open that vertical lens a little wider and go deeper as you gaze into the dating pool. I’ve never felt as protected, loved, nurtured or as much of a woman as I have with this man who looks up to kiss me.

And let’s face it: when you’re lying side-by-side in bed having that delicious post-love-making pillow talk, everyone is the same height.


Author: Kathy Monkman

Editor: Caroline Beaton

Photo: Author’s own

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