March 22, 2015

Own Your Sh*t.

woman strong arm bicep

Warning: Naughty language ahead!


Own your shit.

I don’t mean own anything physical. I mean, let’s all own that nasty, yucky, sticky, emotional and physiological stuff that’s been bogging us down, stifling our true brilliance, tarnishing our beautiful souls.

Let’s Own. It.

So…perhaps some of us are living with a troubled past. Or present. Let’s own it.

Food issues?

Completely codependent?


Trust issues?

Commitment phobic?

Let’s own it all.

I could write a novel length list of possible “issues,” hang-ups, phobias, attachments and questionable personality attributes. The cold hard truth is this: we all have shit in our lives that needs to be dealt with. Nobody’s life is perfect. Nobody, and I mean nobody, has gotten a free or easy ride on this attraction we call life.

The first step is getting over any judgment or preconceived notion that our struggle is somehow more important, more difficult or more traumatizing than anyone else’s, because we never know what that person we perceive as happy, grounded and full of grace has had to struggle through. We only see what people want us to see, through a lens of our own twisted perception that creates our personal reality.

We are special and unique because we are beautiful individuals…not because of what we’ve been through. That “stuff” doesn’t define us. We all have our own shit. Let’s get over the idea that ours makes us entitled to anything—a bad attitude, sympathy, permission to treat ourselves or others poorly…no. Just…no.

Okay. We’ve gotten over the twisted entitlements and yes, we’ve got some less than shiny-happy pieces of our lives. Now, let’s take full and total responsibility for it. Own it.

I don’t mean that anything that happened to us is our fault. That’s silly. Sometimes we are made victims and that is a terrible thing. Sometimes we find ourselves in traumatic or just really crappy feeling situations and that sucks. I don’t mean that we have to take responsibility for the actions of others or for pure bad universal luck, but we do have to take responsibility for how we’ve dealt with or reacted to it.

If it will make you feel better, I’ll go first:

I am a co-dependent woman who loves too much. I have a weird relationship with food and use it as a coping mechanism when I’m uncomfortable in any way. I have made some poor choices in romantic partners (and a couple friends) that put me into some scary and traumatic situations. I sometimes seek out affection to validate my worthiness and often find myself fighting battles that are not my own in hopes that it will earn me love.

I own all the previously mentioned craziness. What does this mean for me? It means that I fully recognize that I’m a broken person but in that recognition is a big ol’ helping of some serious self-love and acceptance. I may be broken but I own the hell outta all those little pieces of me and as a result I’m embracing my areas of opportunity and have found the motivation I need to work through them.

Doing the work isn’t easy.

It’s easy to pretend that everything is bright and shiny and perfect, that we don’t need anything from anyone because life is grand just as it is…but as for me, I cannot live another day without embracing my “stuff,” without owning my shit, because doing so would be inauthentic and I just can’t breathe another breath living a lie.

Want some more cold hard facts? Until we own every little piece of ourselves, until we fully see ourselves and own who we are, what made us that way and want to fight to rise above and be our best selves, we will never be happy. We will never have a healthy relationship—with ourselves or with anyone else. Period. Harsh truths.

What can we do? We can hire a therapist. Do some introspection. Exercise our bodies, minds and spirits to exercise out our personal demons. Sometimes it takes some work just to uncover enough bravery and self-love to fully recognize or see your own “stuff,” and that’s okay.

Let’s own our shit, and then do the work to shovel it out of our personal experiences.

It will always be part of our story, but it doesn’t have to be the main plot.

A Lesson for all of us:


32 Truths Every Adult Should Know.

Author: Kelly Howard

Editor: Emily Bartran

Photo: boemski/Flickr

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Kim Dec 29, 2015 7:55am

Fantastic and what I have been working on for a few months now. For me accepting even the parts of me I thought were ugly and should be hidden has been a huge journey. I teach this stuff but I hid behind that for a long time so that no one saw my shit and now I am owning it. I am a reiki master teacher, teach workshops, do sound balancing and past life regression along with intuitive and medium readings. I have always hidden my own stuff and many think because I do this stuff I am supposed to be the Buddha and always happy and perky. I help everyone I can and often sacrifice me to do that. I am learning to say no to others so that I say yes to me more. My shit? For the longest time I had zero self esteem (much better now but still sneaks up on me.) I was married to a narcissist and alcoholic for 23 years as well as a father who is the same minus the alcohol, add in a dash of paranoia and a boat load of repressed anger. Financially I am working through lifetimes of lessons there and I struggle daily with money. I have made bad choices, not done what I knew I needed to at times and I still go into fear mode over money. I am a major procrastinator and a darn good writer who has yet to get more than a chapter written and I tend to make excuses and complain here and there. I am growing so much facing my shit and it is not often pretty or comfortable but boy is it worth it.!!! Thank you for sharing. fresh wind in my “shit facing” sails 😉 Fantastic!!

Nathan Dec 28, 2015 1:21pm

We all tend to shy away from those parts of ourselves which aren't whole, aren't flattering, don't show us in the light we'd prefer. And, given that concealing those parts of ourselves is (a) difficult and (b) futile in the long run — at least, if we intend to pursue any meaningful, intimate relationships — maybe it's time to start at least thinking about owning that shit. [OK, ok… for me, it's WAY past time, but you get the idea, lol.]

Thanks for sharing your experiences; it's always easier when somebody blazes a trail.

Ange Jul 15, 2015 8:31pm

Great stuff. What an enormous relief to be real. Thanks for sharing!

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Kelly Howard

Kelly Howard is a passionate spiritual seeker that occasionally goes on profanity laced rants and truly wants to be her very best self (as long as that still means that I can occasionally lounge on the couch to watch reruns of Top Chef) and make some sort of positive impact before I croak. I believe in the trans-formative power of positive thought, kindness and compassion and have found these qualities more easily accessible through the practice of yoga, meditation, volunteering and time spent in the company of raucous laughter producing, wine-guzzling friends.

In short, she is: a traveling, hippie vegetarian homebody pacifist that enjoys a good UFC fight, homemade meals and puppy dog snuggles; a massage therapist with a weird hang about being touched by strangers; a health nut sugar addict who can’t quite say “no” to cheese and “yes” to cardio; a patient, quite relishing wife who rolls her eyes at her incredibly loud (yet incredibly loving) husband; a mostly happy, music loving, craft making, food enjoying, mantra chanting, hopelessly optimistic 30 something.