“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience.” ~ Pierre Teilhard De Chardin.
June 10th, 2010 I lost my Mother in a tragic car accident.
As most of us have, I have also lost many other kindred spirits and loved ones along my journey. We know this to be part of life but knowing that doesn’t make it any easier. What does make it easier is the memories and knowledge that our loved ones shared with us during our times together.
My Mother was a lover of life, always testing limits and living on the edge. To see her go so suddenly when I was only in my early twenties and raising a child of my own as a single parent became a monumental turning point in my life.
I found spirituality, meaning in every moment, and really stopped to take a look around me.
Five years later I realize there are still so many questions I have for my Mother and all of those I have lost along the way! She would always call me her “Anne Frank” because I have written in diaries since I was a girl.
I find myself writing my family, friends, and past lovers, giving them these precious letters as gifts or as tokens of love and expression because I know there will be a day, and sometimes it is easier to share our raw selves through the written word. I want to be sure I do not miss anything during this blessed time we have together or with anyone I truly love due to my inability to express my gratitude towards each irreplaceable moment that passes.
We are not promised tomorrow. Even if we are blessed to wake to a new warm and welcoming sunrise, we can get so caught up in the synchronized chaos of our daily lives that we miss moments or lessons that we “could have” taught or “should have” documented.
I began a diary to my child to make sure that I do not miss any of those valuable moments. I carry it everywhere with me, documenting each special moment we have and the beauty of her growth. I want her to have it when she is old enough to be asking the same questions I am and the questions I’m certain my curious nature will have in the future.
What a gift it would be to receive something from someone who has been there observing since the first breath!
I hope to inspire other parents to do the same for their children or any loved one. As an introvert I find my best teachings and personal lessons come through my fingertips as I write, so I want to let you take a peek into my diary to my child.
“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit,
Not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
And He bends you with his might that his arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so he loves also the bow that is stable.” ~ Kahil Gibran
My Dearest Beloved,
I am beginning this Diary in hopes that one day when I am called home you will have something tangible to reflect on moments I’ve seen pain, happiness, sorrow, fulfillment, sadness, gladness, and many other great emotions we encounter during this human experience.
This is something I wish my Mother had left behind for me after her passing so that I could reference her experiences to help put the puzzle pieces together of growing up or simply find reassurance that I am not alone with my feelings no matter what they may be, although, many times in our lifetime it will feel that way.
We must remind ourselves we always have our ancestors looking over us-our higher being and now here is a small gift to keep close along the journey.
I could start this off by telling all about the rough childhood I had but I want to begin by reflecting on the bigger picture as there is always someone who has it much worse than we could ever imagine. We all will do something great in this world. Something made uniquely for each of us.
I encourage everyone to do whatever it takes to persevere and triumph over every struggle presented to them as they will only build strength and warrior spirit.
Follow the heart and inner intuition as it will never misguide and explore this great world and physical life we’ve been given with each breath we take! Our days are numbered so we must absorb both the possibilities and lessons through each passing moment.
My blood, my angel, the best thing that I will ever offer this world, I hope you make good use of the years I’ve been with you trying to teach you to be the independent, forgiving, selfless individual that is you.
Some can say that I’ve mistakenly allowed moments of bitterness as I’ve experienced my share of pain and lessons in my short time on this physical planet, thus far. I have allowed the negativity of situations that are no longer in my present moment or that are far out of my reach contaminate my mind with haste, negativity, cynicism, and anger.
I’ve had to learn to forgive those that have hurt me and forgive myself (the hardest part). I hope everyone can learn from me but life is about living and learning it our own way. Just be available to help those that may be experiencing something you’ve already been through.
I work diligently meditating and soul searching listening to my intuition on how to cleanse this temporary mental state and detach myself from the things I have owned. Anything that is harmful to our soul that another person, situation, or thing inflicts is only a reflection of themselves or yourself (learn from this reflection if you find it is you that you face) and do not take it personally if it is another’s weaknesses showing through.
I have owned the things people have said about me that weren’t true by reacting to them. I have owned situations that weren’t part of my path and paid substantially when I never had to. My naivety and lack of substantial guidance, experience, and knowledge lead me astray and this is common. We must see through the negativity of the issue that caused suffering and face it with compassion and forgiveness.
This is why I felt compelled to begin this diary. That way if life catches up to us as we are busy unfolding your future, when you are old enough to receive it, I know I will have done my best to not forget any important details or guidance that I could have offered.
It is very important to pay attention to the wise that look over us, whether it be family, friends, or even complete strangers we may share a cup of coffee with while waiting on a park bench for our next destination. Many of them have been in our shoes or in similar situations and have plenty of experience to help us wade through whatever it is we may be dealing with at that time. Find people who have done it before that inspire and call to our inner desire to give back the beauty that we have received with this life.
I want to continue to add to this Diary throughout your childhood, pre-teen years, all the way through College. Some of my writings may be expressions of my deepest weaknesses that I have succumb to in temporary times of emotional distress, as well as, some of what I hope to be my most valuable depictions of the human experience from my perspective and observations of your own personal development and my own personal experience with hope you find it useful in your adult years.
Try to remember that everything we read (no matter the source) is a perception and that we too have our own. Only take things from printed or verbal content that mean something to us-that seductive call to our intuition and desire. We must try to interpret each bit of knowledge we absorb to declare if it is right for our heart and our path.
Each of us have a unique “built in guidance” that navigates us to the crossroads we should be in that very moment. It is up to us to decide which path to take and to be sure to weigh all consequences.
Sometimes we may decide to take the wrong path and this can “fog” or “slow down” our own desire to fulfill our inner purpose even if we don’t quite know what that is yet. These are only learning lessons and reminders to stop and look at the scenery, enjoy the journey, appreciate what we have learned and at any moment turn it all around to begin down our own unique path. No path is the same-we each play an intricate and unique role.
Always stay true to ourselves and our morals. Never judge! Always put ourselves in the person we are encountering’s situation and examine how we’d want them to treat us even if they are unable to demonstrate the same behavior at that time.
Remember that if we find ourselves heading back down that incorrect path and the “fog” reappears, we will begin to build a protective shield around our heart. This will block out the connection to love that is necessary for our human experience and to follow our chosen purpose. Don’t let your mind play tricks on your heart (easier said than done) manipulating us to take the easiest route out rather than the one that is ours no matter how many curves and pot holes it may have.
Also try to remember that the bonds that we create in this lifetime are what will make our life fulfilled as long as we keep optimistic humanitarian views. Never stop continuing to educate ourselves on worldly cultures and beliefs remembering to only take what is true to us.
Continue to seek your own spirituality. I believe all personal encounters are meant but some may disagree. However, each person put on our life path I believe is there for a reason. Whether it be to learn something from us or vice versa.
Always try to keep a forgiving heart for those that pain so deeply that they express it outwardly. Forgiveness and actions demonstrating such are the keys to finding peace in any situation. I will always strive to be the best mother that I can be but I too am human and make mistakes to learn from.
Lastly, remember that if we find ourselves in a negative mindset we have lost ourselves either in the past or in the future and are no longer in the present moment. We are perfectly imperfect and exactly where we are supposed to be at that very moment. I am always at your side and you will never need to look far, you will find me, magically, in the simplest of things. I want to be as honest as my words, so that you will understand a side of me that you may not have known in our time together.
Author: Lindsay Baker
Editor: Renée Picard
Photo: courtesy of the author
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