How I found my Soulmate as a Divorced Mom.

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Life is crazy. It’s a beautiful thing. It really is.

I look back to my past and it is truly amazing how far I have come. I am excited to have found my soulmate as a divorced Mom.

Back in 2007, I was approaching my 30th birthday. On paper, I had it all. According to my timeline, I met my goal of being married at 26 and popping out a baby at 28. We moved into our custom dream home soon after. My next milestone was to have the next baby at 30.

Instead of having another baby at 30, I got divorced. At least it was a life changing event, right?

People would ask me about my divorce all the time. “What did he do? Let me guess—Did he cheat? Was he abusive?” When I would tell them none of the above, more times than not, I would get a look of disbelief. I actually had someone say, “Well, why did you leave then? Do you realize you are going to be a single mom—is that fair for your daughter?” I got alot of heat from family and friends, but I knew in my soul I was doing the right thing. So I brushed off my shoulder and never looked back.

I left my perfectly fine marriage because I wanted more.

I wanted more for myself, my daughter and even for my ex-husband. Through therapy, I was brought back to my childhood. I was reunited with my dreams of having a home full of laughter, music, celebrating the holidays and images of my children getting grossed out because their parents were so affectionate.

As I grew up, my imagination faded and logic took over. Looking back, I realized my “rational and safe” choices stemmed from my childhood. I made huge life decisions from a place of fear.

Once I was faced with this realization, there was no going back. Divorce was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I went from a 4,500 square foot home with a live in nanny to a 1,400 square foot condo, with no family close by to help me.

I was a single mom with a larger than life dream.

Life was definitely a challenge without help or the security blanket of having a husband, but I was happier. I felt free. Although I had my daughter Devani only 50 percent of the time, we were closer than ever. We would make the most of the time we had together. We were happy. Our little condo was filled with more love and happiness than the huge home I left.

In my personal life, I became clear on what I wanted. Even though my ego was telling me I was “damaged goods” and no one would want me, I would shake that off and continue to work toward the life I wanted—that home full of love, happiness, laughter and grossing our our children with their parents’ affection. I would declare it to my friends and family and brush off any negative comments I would receive. My belief was so firm, I knew it would happen.

And it did.

I went with my intuition and heart. I will admit, my fear would try to get in the way many, many times. Instead of listening to the fear, I would explore why I would have the feelings I did and learned to go through the fear.

It led me to my soulmate, Michael. We met in college, and after 18 years of knowing each other and being together for 7, he still gives me butterflies. Soon after we were married, we were pregnant with my second and his first child, Bryanna. Michael is the most considerate husband and such an amazing dad to both of our girls. He treats his step-daughter as his own, but still respects her relationship with her dad. It is truly amazing.

Last December we were celebrating Christmas and I was watching my husband with our girls. They were getting cookies and milk ready for Santa. And, of course, carrots for the reindeer. Music was playing, laughter and abundance of love was in the air. As my husband came over to kiss me and our girls screamed “Ewww!” “Gross!!” In that moment, I realized I manifested this life! This was exactly what I envisioned as a kid when life at home was tough. I didn’t understand the power of manifestation or visualization back then. I didn’t discover it until this past year during my self discovery.

I fully believe in the power of manifestation, visualization and belief. I have four coaching certifications to help others manifest and create the life of their dreams.

I believe we deserve to have it all, we just need to get out of our own way. Let go of judgement, walk into our fears and embrace the life we were meant to live. A purposeful life full of laughter, happiness, love and gratitude.

Life is not all roses, so we need to be equipped with the tools and mindset to help us through the challenging times. I’ll show you how.

Live. Love. Laugh until it hurts.

 

Relephant Read:

How to Love a Single Mom.

 

Author: Indrani Phillips

Editor: Emily Bartran

Photo: Author’s Own 

 

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Indrani Phillips

Indrani Phillips has 2 baby daddies and proud of it! She left Corporate America after 16 years because she knew she had a higher purpose.

Indrani believes working Mom’s are the modern day superhero. They get a million things done a day but it can be pure chaos that can lead to burnt out, overwhelm and exhaustion. Indrani helps busy Mom’s create a purposeful life they fully love. She focuses on mindset and strategy to create time for self care, passion and presence.

Head over to her website to get tips to create a passionate life you love and contact Indrani for a complimentary consultation today.

Comments

16 Responses to “How I found my Soulmate as a Divorced Mom.”

  1. Leila says:

    Oh your story brought tears to my eyes. It's my story too. Thank you for putting into words what I have trouble expressing for myself.

    • Leila – I am overjoyed that my story resonated with you. It was both vulnerable and empowering to post something so intimate about my life. But I knew if I was able to impact another person, it was worth it. Thank you so much for your comment and congratulations for making a hard, but necessary decision to create a life you love!
      I created a daily gratitude journal that has taken me to another level of happiness and presence. It has been so powerful in my life, I created a free download so others could use it. If you are interested, here is the link. http://theeffortlesslife.rocks/the-daily-gratitud
      -Xx
      Indrani

  2. nicole says:

    Love this…couldn’t agree more….I just left a similar perfect on paper” situation too. ….

  3. Alexis says:

    literally brought tears to my eyes, such perfect timing for me to read this. I’ve so rapidly changed since I got pregnant with my almost 1 year old daughter by listening to my intuition instead of ignoring it and the decisions I have to make are so painfully hard sometimes but oh how I feel as if I am on the right path for the first time, thank you for this it really meant so much

  4. Indrani says:

    Thank you so much Lori! I really appreciate it!
    Here is a practice I have incorporated into my routine – The Daily Gratitidue Log. It has been a game changer! http://theeffortlesslife.rocks/the-daily-gratitud

    – Xx
    Indrani http://www.theeffortlesslife.rocks

  5. Guest says:

    oh my. oh, this is exactly where I am. Today I'm in total fear about it–to the point I'm shutting down and I can feel it. This could not have been better timed. Thank you so so much.

  6. Becki says:

    Thank you…thank you…thank you!!! I just subscribed to elephantjournal.com and this was one of the first articles I have ready and it has spoken to me very loudly! After getting married at the age of 20 and being married for 19 years, I recently decided that I also wanted more. I have had to defend my decision to many people including my own family, but reading this has given me such inspiration. Thank you!

  7. Mariam says:

    This made me so emotional, i am living my very stable life right now, and after my dad died i found out how i was raised in a happy family and that this is not what I’m offering to my boy, I’m offering him a stable boring life, my husband and i shower my kid with love and affection, but i doubt that he will have the eww moment which i had a lot as a child with my parents. I’m too coward to change my path now, I’m just afraid to mess things up even more… I’m sad.

  8. Guest says:

    This is what is wrong with America. There’s no sanctity in marriage anymore. Eventually you’re going to want more even in your second marriage. It’s about give and take and sacrifice. What you’ve done is hurt your ex husband and possibly destroyed your daughter, because you decided to be selfish. Now your airing it for the world. Congrats, you’ve failed.

    • Guest says:

      "Eventually you're going to want more even in your second marriage". This exactly. The following quotes from the book "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Love" talk more about this:
      "If you believe that the answer to your unhappiness lies in someone else's hands (no matter how much you love them), you're in for a load of trouble. Even if they manage to accommodate you with occasional changes, you'll come to rely on those changes for your continued happiness. There will be only one possible result. Eventually, you'll be let down and will be discouraged. You'll be left with that helpless and dependent 'It's his fault' feeling".
      "What we are saying is that, ultimately, you and you alone are responsible for making yourself happy. When your life isn't working, you need to make changes or see things differently. You may have to make difficult choices, have painful or uncomfortable discussions, or compromise in some way — but you have to take responsibility for your own level of happiness. There isn't a relationship good enough to do it for you."

    • MelStar says:

      Dear "guest" how dare you judge this woman and make these cruel comments! Don't judge anyone unless you have walked a mile in their shoes! I believe that there are many countless children out there suffering in doomed marriages listening night after night to their parents argue etc. – how is this healthy? As the writer states – she is re-married and her husband treats her daughter as his own. If more people had the courage to leave a marriage if the marriage is not working there would be more happy people in the world. Just because you are not being assaulted or mentally abused by your partner does not mean the marriage is working. There are numerous other reasons for leaving a marriage. I stayed in my first relationship for 30 years – 22 of them married – before I finally got the courage up to leave. So no – I don't agree with just walking out on a marriage – I believe in giving it all you have – however – I wish I had the courage to leave earlier when I still had the time to have a family. Don't judge!!

  9. Inthegazeoftheother says:

    Congrats, you have struck a chord with readers whether those are happy or embittered readers from their own experiences.
    Having been a divorce lawyer for 24 years, I can say with some authority that divorce is complicated and the formula for happiness is as diverse as the population of Americans who inhabit the fine institution of marriage. Cheers to you, to writing from your heart, and to happiness, to which there are many roads.

  10. Great story. Glad you've found happiness 🙂

  11. Deb says:

    Wow. I am in an emotionally abusive marriage that I wanted to get away early and got talked out of it. I have been miserable now for the most part of 27 years. I have been in chronic health decline for several years now starting back in 93.

    I wish I would have gotten a divorce back when I had my health and had the strength to do so.

    All I heard was how hard divorce was and how hard it is on your children.

    It is easy to get a divorce when you have your health and can take care of yourself and when you know you are financially secure.

    I was 31 when I married him and thought there was something wrong with me that I had not ever better married yet.

    If things would have been different for me, I would be happy right now too.

  12. Kaini says:

    This story gives me strength bcoz I'm on that fine line of choosing to step out a happily married life with my daughter to meet my soulmate I manifested but reading your story I get the beilve that this world is a Gini… Don't u ever feel selfish to leave your first husband this fear kills me I'm not able to stand for myself…

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