Life is crazy. It’s a beautiful thing. It really is.
I look back to my past and it is truly amazing how far I have come. I am excited to have found my soulmate as a divorced Mom.
Back in 2007, I was approaching my 30th birthday. On paper, I had it all. According to my timeline, I met my goal of being married at 26 and popping out a baby at 28. We moved into our custom dream home soon after. My next milestone was to have the next baby at 30.
Instead of having another baby at 30, I got divorced. At least it was a life changing event, right?
People would ask me about my divorce all the time. “What did he do? Let me guess—Did he cheat? Was he abusive?” When I would tell them none of the above, more times than not, I would get a look of disbelief. I actually had someone say, “Well, why did you leave then? Do you realize you are going to be a single mom—is that fair for your daughter?” I got alot of heat from family and friends, but I knew in my soul I was doing the right thing. So I brushed off my shoulder and never looked back.
I left my perfectly fine marriage because I wanted more.
I wanted more for myself, my daughter and even for my ex-husband. Through therapy, I was brought back to my childhood. I was reunited with my dreams of having a home full of laughter, music, celebrating the holidays and images of my children getting grossed out because their parents were so affectionate.
As I grew up, my imagination faded and logic took over. Looking back, I realized my “rational and safe” choices stemmed from my childhood. I made huge life decisions from a place of fear.
Once I was faced with this realization, there was no going back. Divorce was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I went from a 4,500 square foot home with a live in nanny to a 1,400 square foot condo, with no family close by to help me.
I was a single mom with a larger than life dream.
Life was definitely a challenge without help or the security blanket of having a husband, but I was happier. I felt free. Although I had my daughter Devani only 50 percent of the time, we were closer than ever. We would make the most of the time we had together. We were happy. Our little condo was filled with more love and happiness than the huge home I left.
In my personal life, I became clear on what I wanted. Even though my ego was telling me I was “damaged goods” and no one would want me, I would shake that off and continue to work toward the life I wanted—that home full of love, happiness, laughter and grossing our our children with their parents’ affection. I would declare it to my friends and family and brush off any negative comments I would receive. My belief was so firm, I knew it would happen.
And it did.
I went with my intuition and heart. I will admit, my fear would try to get in the way many, many times. Instead of listening to the fear, I would explore why I would have the feelings I did and learned to go through the fear.
It led me to my soulmate, Michael. We met in college, and after 18 years of knowing each other and being together for 7, he still gives me butterflies. Soon after we were married, we were pregnant with my second and his first child, Bryanna. Michael is the most considerate husband and such an amazing dad to both of our girls. He treats his step-daughter as his own, but still respects her relationship with her dad. It is truly amazing.
Last December we were celebrating Christmas and I was watching my husband with our girls. They were getting cookies and milk ready for Santa. And, of course, carrots for the reindeer. Music was playing, laughter and abundance of love was in the air. As my husband came over to kiss me and our girls screamed “Ewww!” “Gross!!” In that moment, I realized I manifested this life! This was exactly what I envisioned as a kid when life at home was tough. I didn’t understand the power of manifestation or visualization back then. I didn’t discover it until this past year during my self discovery.
I fully believe in the power of manifestation, visualization and belief. I have four coaching certifications to help others manifest and create the life of their dreams.
I believe we deserve to have it all, we just need to get out of our own way. Let go of judgement, walk into our fears and embrace the life we were meant to live. A purposeful life full of laughter, happiness, love and gratitude.
Life is not all roses, so we need to be equipped with the tools and mindset to help us through the challenging times. I’ll show you how.
Live. Love. Laugh until it hurts.
Author: Indrani Phillips
Editor: Emily Bartran
Photo: Author’s Own
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