In my work as a sexuality and intimacy consultant, I’ve encountered quite a few questions about topics that many people might find awkward to talk about. These are my favorite kind.
I applaud those who come forward to ask intimate questions. What I see in them is the desire to fully comprehend and celebrate our divine sexuality. Here are a few such questions, with deep bows of gratitude to the stouthearted souls who asked them.
I just recently became sexually active. It feels great but I don’t last very long and I don’t think my partner is enjoying it as much as I would like her to. Sometimes I have trouble maintaining full erections as well. Do you have any tips?
We’ve all heard the saying: “How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice.” This is all you really need to know. You wouldn’t expect a new pair of shoes to be comfortable for the first few days you walk in them. Neither should you expect to be a long-lasting and superior lover at first.
The best way to be a better lover to your partner is to be one to yourself. You can practice controlling your arousal and release during masturbation. One technique is to masturbate to near-climax. When you feel you are just about to orgasm, stop stimulation and press your thumb and index finger together at the base of the tip of your penis. This serves to stop the arousal temporarily. As you do this, breathe deeply and feel the positive sexual energy radiate through your body (it’s not just our sex organs that feel good during sex!). When you are ready, begin stimulation again. Try to reach the point of orgasm and stop it at least twice more before giving yourself the treat of release.
This is a great exercise to develop control during lovemaking with a partner. After a while, you will be able to enjoy all aspect of lovemaking and not concentrate so much on genital stimulation. This ought to take care of climaxing too soon…or not having erections at all.
I am a 27-year-old female and I have been happily married for seven years. The problem is that during sex, my husband often likes to talk about me being with another woman. He says he would like to watch, but he would not have to touch her. He knows I wouldn’t like that. The thing is I really like the idea of being with a woman. I often fantasize about it, during sex, and while masturbating. Now it seems like the only time I can have an orgasm is while picturing this. I also have a hard time getting aroused without watching a porn or seeing pictures of naked women. Does this mean I am a lesbian, or is this natural? I have never been with a woman before. I really love my husband and could not imagine having a relationship with a woman. I hope you have an answer for this problem.
As a woman, having fantasies about being with a woman is perfectly healthy. For the record, so is your husband’s fantasy.
The main question is what you both choose to do about it. If you have not told your husband about your fantasies, you may wish to; sharing fantasies with him may very well be enough to satisfy his desire for the reality of seeing you with another woman.
Whether or not you both decide to bring another person into your sex life, you both need to understand why you would or would not be doing this. Trust and deep love have to be present in both partners so that jealousy does not enter the scenario. (Who knows? Your husband may even become jealous if he sees a woman pleasure you better than he thinks he can.)
The best first step is to communicate honestly about your needs—both of yours—and see what you can do between the two of you to accommodate them. Sometimes fantasies are more titillating just by sharing them.
I recently developed an angle in my penis. Is this normal?
You should see your urologist to find out precisely what is causing the angle in your penis to occur. One possibility is Peyronie’s Disease, which is a disorder that is acquired in adult life rather than at birth. It is the formation of hard plaque on one on the upper or lower side of the penis in layers containing erectile tissue. The local inflammation eventually develops into a full scar. This scar tissue is hard and inflexible, and causes the penis to bend when erect, sometimes in excess of 45 degrees.
Having said that, you should not worry about a slightly curved penis unless the curve suddenly appeared and/or your penis has experienced an injury.
I have three little girls, and I was wondering how to explain to them about covering their private areas without making them self-conscious or making them feel that their private areas are something bad. I don’t want them to be ashamed, but I want them to be private about their bodies.
As children develop their senses of self and sexuality, it is important to encourage their sense of discovery of their bodies while creating in them a sense of self-respect. Kids are often very excited to discover themselves. Often they’ll strip off and run around the house or flash strangers in the supermarket! Really, it’s just a way to share something they enjoy.
Help your kids to know that we all have these special places! Explain to them that their vaginas belong to them and they can spend time them whenever they wish—as long as they are in their rooms (or bathroom).
The main message is that our bodies are very special things that we all have the responsibility to love and take care of.
Author: Rachel Astarte
Editor: Catherine Monkman
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