April 18, 2015

Understanding Paranoia within a Relationship.


Despite functioning perfectly well in other areas of our lives, we can still develop symptoms of paranoia that are difficult to deal with.

People who suffer from paranoia are often creative, with vivid imaginations, and it is these imaginative minds that serve to create delusions and paranoia, which cause the envisioned scenarios to feel real.

When low self-esteem is present, it is quite possible to become convinced that we do not deserve good things happening in our lives, or that we are not worthy of being in a relationship with our partner, and that our relationship is sure to fail.

The fear of losing the relationship can become so great that we can struggle to cope, and instead of waiting to see what will happen in due course, we can allow other emotions to creep in, such as paranoia.

It is not always possible to differentiate paranoia from genuine fear, so it is important to fully understand our fears, anxieties and other emotions and address the issues so that we can work out what is real and what is not. Otherwise, we may find ourselves becoming controlling, obsessive and feeling like we need to be aware of each movement our partner takes and end up watching their every movement, falsely believing that we can avoid any betrayal or future disappointments taking place.

There may be situations where the paranoia has a base of truth; in this case, we need to look at the facts presented with a calm and clear mind and trust our own knowledge and also our intuition so that we can make a rational judgement, rather than one based on fears and insecurity.

Paranoia is an emotion that can creep in to relationships without us realising it is there. Therefore, what we think is reality and what actually is reality can be two very different things.

The more we give energy to negative thoughts, the more our fears begin to feel real, as our mind repeats the negative thoughts and emotions so often that they eventually feels realistic and we believe fully that something bad is going to happen.

When we meet someone for the first time, we do not have the same deep seated emotions that exist when we are further down the relationship path and more intimately involved. As relationships progress, the feelings often grow stronger and the fear of losing the relationship can grow more intense, with anxieties, worries, doubts and insecurities kicking in. All of these emotions can bring on a bout of jealousy, which can then lead to feelings of paranoia.

Within a relationship, paranoia can occur even if the relationship is seemingly loving and stable, and where there have been no previous signs of mistrusting behaviour. Out of nowhere a thought can pop into the mind alerting us to the fact that our relationship could end, or they may meet someone else, or various other thoughts, which derive from fear.

Doubts can occur which make us wonder if our partner is honest and truthful with us. If these questions repeat in the mind, they can cause us to look for information to warrant, clarify and confirm our suspicions. When this happens though, the mind is often not rational as we can be flooded with fear, which clouds our thinking, so any small piece of information we find can compound hugely on the already fearful mind.

However, as we at this stage are looking for confirmation, any evidence that may be found to dispute the fears may be ignored and cast aside in favour of the more incriminating evidence. We don’t want to be proved wrong, as so, convince ourselves with scraps of information pieced together to confirm there must be some truth in what we have been thinking.

When feeling paranoid, we can begin to analyse everything and everyone that crosses our path to further strengthen the debate that is going on in our minds. We can become desperate to find bits of information to prove that the feelings we are experiencing is a gut feeling and that our intuition is not wrong. However, often it is not the gut feeling that is presenting the messages to our mind, it is irrational and fearful thought processing, we want to feel perfectly justified for continuing with this damaging behaviour and set out to prove that our partner cannot be trusted.

Paranoia can turn us into emotional wrecks if we allow it to and has a negative effect on our self-esteem. It can lead us to searching through drawers, pockets, emails, checking call histories and spying on our partner. There is no limit to the levels that someone will reach when paranoia has taken a strong hold. It is a painful and destructive emotion that can literally eat away from the inside out, and instead of getting better over time, if we allow it to fester, it can get worse until it takes over every waking thought.

It is possible to retrain the way our brain thinks, so that when a negative thought comes along, we can notice how it feels for a moment, and then learn to let it go. If the thought reoccurs, ask if it is justified. Used all knowledge we have to make a calm and rational decision, without emotions becoming involved, so that we can work out if the threat is real or false. If it is false, quickly replace that thought with a more positive and loving one and repeat it over and again until we feel calmer and able to let go of the thought.

If the thought is a rational one and needs to be acted on, we should try to wait until we are not flooded with emotion, so that we can decide on the best course of action.

It is possible to work through feelings of paranoia with awareness, raising our self-esteem and gaining a greater understanding of the cause and effects of the paranoid feelings surfacing. When we look closely at why this has happened, we can begin to get a better understanding of ourselves, and also a clearer picture of our relationship.

When emotions run deep, we can sometimes act out of character and behave in a way that we don’t recognise. However, when we are true to ourselves and confront the feelings, we can begin to take steps to work out what is causing the feelings and discover whether they are real or fake.

When we are aware of how we are feeling, we instantly gain some control over it. When we feel a negative emotion occurring, we should stay still and take a look at it, listen to what it is telling us and we will instantly feel differently about it. The earlier we catch hold of the emotion, the better chance we have of rationalising with it, regardless of how futile or serious the feeling may be.

Often, where paranoia is concerned the situation will get progressively worse due to poor communication and a break down in trust. Therefore, effective communication is vital in resolving any issues.
Talking through our greatest fears and insecurities with our partner, can assist in bringing the relationship closer, rather than tearing it apart. If we have a supportive and understanding partner, we can work at resolving any problems together, creating a stronger, deeper and more supportive relationship. However, it is also imperative to work on our issues alone too, to resolve any inner conflicts that may have been ongoing.

A loving relationship is one of the most important things we can have in life, so it goes without saying that it is often worth doing whatever we can to get things right. If we have a sincere and supportive partner, they will be worth their weight in gold, and the bonds that are created through working out issues together will strengthen the relationship in the long term.

To gain positive results, it is essential that both partners are as open and honest as possible, as to have a healthy relationship, it is important to feel safe and fully supported for the relationship to develop further. Committing to and resolving problems together will help to build a stronger foundation to build the future upon.

As with The Law of Attraction, quite often when we focus hard on something, it can end up materialising. If we focus on negative thoughts and terrible outcomes, it is likely that these things will unfold. However, if we focus on more loving, nourishing thoughts, we are more likely to attract great things into our life, quite simply by thinking and believing in great things.



If the paranoia is causing serious problems, it may be worth getting assistance in the form of therapy or counselling. If the paranoia is causing you to be in, or leading you to any situation that could be dangerous, it is imperative to get the appropriate help or assistance, where personal safety is concerned.



The Benefits of Being Present in Relationships.


Author: Alex Myles

Editor: Travis May

Photo: Flickr/hobvias sudoneighm


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