May 8, 2015

5 Steps to Survive a Breakup.


Heartbreak after heartbreak, is the pain ever any less? Perhaps not, but our abilities to cope with the challenges we face improve drastically.

When my last relationship ended, I experienced severe emotional pain. It took me months to realize just how deeply I had rooted myself in a dark atmosphere. Then, one night, it hit me: it was time for me to stop feeling sorry for myself and take charge of how I feel.

Even though we are constantly affected by our surroundings and circumstances, we choose how to respond to them. Even in moments of the most extreme emotion, there is a chemical and automatic response in the body that does not last longer than 90 seconds. Anything that you feel after that 90 seconds is of your own choosing. This is the power of our thoughts.

That night, I chose to awake from my coma and recognize the power of my thoughts. Here’s how I did it and how you can too!

1. Give your emotions the attention they deserve.

It is extremely important that we allow our self to feel whatever it is we are feeling. However, emotions are very different from thoughts.. For example, I used to bully myself for still thinking about my ex because the thoughts provoked emotions. And, instead of honoring the emotions I was feeling, I denied them. This is until I realized that the more I resisted the thoughts, the more the emotions persisted. So, whenever a painful emotion would appear, I would close my eyes, take a long breath, feel, and then let go and watch the emotion within me pass away.

2. Be patient with yourself.

Do not rush yourself. There is no deadline for when you’re supposed to get over someone. Sometimes we recover from breakups fairly quickly, and sometimes it can take a long time. Recognize that the severity of the breakup can dictate the length of time to heal.

3. Trust in love.

For me, love is the answer to all my questions in life. Love is bigger than anything I have ever come across and it can heal the most wounded. Do not let go of your trust in love. Love is always around us and it will always enter our lives if only we let it.

4. Express yourself.

Whenever anything challenging enters my life, I express all of my emotions in writing. I believe that writing down your thoughts and emotions can be very healing. This may not be the case for everyone though. Some may turn to dancing, painting or singing. We need to find whatever source of expression works best for us and use it to release all of the emotions trapped inside of us.

5. Practice self-love.

As a survivor of one of the hugest obstacles in my life, my depression, I can now say that I will never stay in any relationship that drains the beauty from me. To find comfort in solitude is a great reward. By accomplishing self-love and respect, you will have reached the other side of the dark forest and have a new perspective. You can now look back without your glasses, tainted with emotion, and have a greater understanding of yourself: past, present and future.


How to Tell if you’re Postponing a Breakup.

Author: Selma Aytan

Apprentice Editor: Kristi Trader/Editor: Travis May

Photo: Makunin via Pixabay

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Selma Aytan