Why She Finally Left.

Via Jodie Hebbard
on May 24, 2015
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walking away
I am amazed and inspired by the incredible strength and determination of the women who gather the courage to leave what no longer serves them.

It could be a neighbor, a friend, a teacher, a colleague, even a sister or mother.

We witness their struggles and their sadness and wonder why they stay, but we also know that we can’t force them to leave. We only hope that one day they see for themselves their infinite potential and send them encouragement to find their own happiness.

Whether it is a job, a relationship, a city or simply a life that is unfulfilling or holding them back.

The moment they realize their own potential and self worth, is much more powerful than anything we could have said to them.

It’s priceless.

If you have questioned your own situation and wonder if it’s time to leave, consider what makes a woman finally leave and ask if any of these statements ring true for you.

Why She Stayed.

She was once happy where she was. There were infinite possibilities—the love they shared was deep and powerful—she was desperate to rekindle that.

In the beginning, it felt wonderful and joyous as they were exploring new things together and she was learning so much about herself.

She remembered the fun they used to have and how fulfilled she was. He was everything she thought she wanted.

Her friends and family used to comment on how happy she was, as if they were envious of the joy she radiated. They wanted it too, or so she thought.

When things started to change, and the feelings began to dissipate, she wondered where she went wrong. She was hopeful that it would come back that strong again.

She was upset with herself, that she was somehow to blame.

She felt that staying showed her commitment and she was worried that she may leave too soon and live to regret it.

She waited for things to get better. She stayed optimistic that things would change.

She questioned many times if she should leave. That was the first sign that she should.

So instead, she looked for signs that she should stay. And sometimes when she looked hard enough, she found them.
She knew, in some ways that she was settling, but still she questioned if there would be anything better.

Besides, it wasn’t terrible and there was still some good left. Others certainly had it worse, she would justify.

She felt some safety in knowing what to expect, as if being comfortable brought happiness. It didn’t.
She had many ways to rationalize why she should stay.

She was scared about what she was giving up, and worried about what she may lose if she left.
But she didn’t consider what it was costing her to stay.

She started to uncover the courage and strength that she knew she always had. She weighed the risks.

Now, she was tired. She was defeated. She was resentful. She had given up her own power and happiness and she knew it was too far-gone.

She spoke to friends and she built up a tribe around her. They supported her. They always did.

She remembered how much potential she had and how the choice to stay was hurting her.

She let go of the guilt and blame that she had done something wrong. She hadn’t.

She finally had enough. She realized that it was no longer serving her. It was making her sad, hurt and frustrated.

She had given until there was nothing left to give. She wanted to smile and laugh again, like she did when it first began.

She knew it was inevitable that she would leave, but she didn’t know when. She didn’t know how. She knew she was stalling.

But she wondered what she was waiting for.

But finally, she left. The sadness became too much, the stress too overwhelming and the hurt enclosed her.

It was time to move on and she had found the strength. She realized that the only one holding her back was herself.

She was terrified of the aftermath. How would she cope? Who would she be without this part of her life that she had held onto for so long?

She picked herself up, she found the courage and she believed in herself. She knew she was strong, she knew she would survive.

She thought back to who she was before she weakened and how amazing and accomplished she was. How she lived her life without fear—she felt joy and passion. She found inspiration in that.

When it was all said and done, it was like a breath of fresh air. And she smiled again. Just like she knew she would.

She survived and she proved her strength. Not to anyone else, but to herself. She became aware of how much she had sacrificed and how unhappy she had been.

Life started to unfold around her and happiness began to pursue her. She didn’t need to reach for it with outstretched arms like she thought.

Happiness found her.

She still holds onto the happy memories, but she decided she deserved to be unconditionally happy. She decided that her life was worth pure bliss and that she didn’t need to rationalize her choices any longer.

For all of the amazing women of the world, may you find the strength and the courage to live the life of joy you are worthy of and finally take that breath of fresh air.




Relephant bonus:



How to Leave a Sociopath for Good.


Author: Jodie Hebbard

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Photo: flickr


About Jodie Hebbard

Jodie Hebbard is a certified life coach and career fulfillment coach. She works with clients from all over the world to help them get clear on their life purpose and break free from the golden handcuffs to start creating a life that they love by doing what they love.

After taking a spiritual sabbatical she decided to make some major life changes and start living life by her own rules. She left her successful career in business management and human resources after 11 years to pursue her passion and live her true calling in helping others live their dream.

Jodie is based in Calgary, Canada and is a travel enthusiast, animal lover, vegetarian and mom to her amazing rescue dog and travel companion, Chai.

Visit Jodie’s website to learn more.


111 Responses to “Why She Finally Left.”

  1. lsd says:

    …I feel for you. Most of us leaving (or about to) are hopeful that we will find ourselves again. Many of us are scared and probably wondering if we'll ever be happy again. But before you believe that you have been broken by the outcome of your leaving, just remember the person you were when you stepped into that relationship. It may not be a fairytale, but it stopped being a bad dream….Life will always find a way, and time will make it happen.

  2. Joanne Di Bello says:

    How powerful I was very moved!…

  3. Kim says:

    I was asked to leave. Granted things weren’t perfect. We had already separated once. MAtter of fact I had only been back in the house about 9 months when the bottom fell out again. I didn’t know how unhappy I was until I was free of the burden. I have my smile and laughter back. I was willing to stay for many reasons. One of course being love. Sometimes though love is not enough.

  4. Jeanne says:

    a few years ago I left a long term marriage. I had stayed in an emotionally abusive relationship that to all outward appearances was all right. I was so tired its just too much to live day after day in a situation you can still find some good in but you know isn't right. I finally – it took me 5 years from realization that there wasn't anything worth saving to build up the courage and strength to leave. I was very much afraid for a long time after I left. I understand how you are feeling. there is so much happiness waiting for you. Don't wait for someone to bring it to you. You are enough find things you once enjoyed and reconnect with your old self. prayers are sent your way

  5. Jeanne says:

    I stayed in a very unhappy relationship for 28 years the last 8 years were barely livable I was a lot worse off financially after I left but I have rediscovered my self worth and am truly content and happy now it took a while. I am not seeking another relationship or even interested in dating. My life revolves around my family ( I have 2 adult children) and my work.
    I know the failure of my marriage was not all his fault, I was there maybe there are things I could have done differently I'm sure.
    Most of the people I know who have been divorced or have left relationships (male and female) did not leave at the first sign of trouble. Most people do genuinely want to work things out and don't have unrealistic expectations of their spouse. there just plain has to be something worth saving.

  6. Leigh Ann says:

    This article was published on the very day I decided to leave an abusive marriage. Shortly after that, things fell into place and he was actually taken from the home via a three year restraining order. I was granted sole custody of my daughter just a little while ago. It's only been 3 1/2 months but I have found so much in such a short time. And when I least expected it, a great man walked into my life. I am taking it slow with him and see for the first time what a healthy relationship means. I knew for so long I needed to leave but I was scared. I didn't think I could do it on my own but I am. I am doing it just fine. A huge weight was released and I am no longer controlled. I found my wings…and I couldn't be happier. Thank you for writing this.

  7. Zach says:

    She found happiness

    5 years passed, then she left again a new man because the same exact thing happened again.

    She found happiness again, and the same exact thing repeated.

    She started to guess something might be wrong with her…

    But it was too late. She got old and nobody wanted her.

  8. claire says:

    Sometimes its finding the strength to return if the hurt or over whelming stress of life is what coursed her to leave the world. I can only imagine it to be like a breakdown in some way. Its almost a way to survive when the pain and shock is unbearable and it turns to uncontrollable fear of life its self. I’m stuck in a kind of limbo and have actually believed I’ve died. Family tell me I seem more alive then I have done for some time now. Awakening, yet I feel so alone and disorientated that I wonder how long I’ve been away, where do I start picking up the pieces. The bridges I’ve broken and the important things to me I’ve suppressed to some how preserve the best of what was left of me as a way to one day find my way back. My family seem different to how I remember and its almost like recovering from an accident or something? I’m so scared but so grateful I still have family even though I have no friends and pushed anyone else left away from me to avoid the danger of being struck again where it most hurts by the ones you trust the most. And above all its the children that are caught up in the web that we weave that are the most remarkable beings as they look to us for security or reassurance and yet its them that we find the courage for so its them that guide us to the light of hope and a better world. And its them we need to stay in tune with. As well as our own inner child and that ability to see the unknown as adventure and faith not fear it as we experience more and more through our adult lives. We need to come full circle and once they show eagerness to explore and feel independence to go alone we shouldn’t hold them back but continue to guide but then let them guide us back home and remember the innocence of our true hearts. Letting go of the material world itself can be a frightening process. I feel so lost but I’m grateful of that feeling as its something and not the nothing of numbness. I need to tell so many people how much I love them. And I want to say sorry to many others. Wow and I still have all of what made me leave to face on return. None of which really fits a catogry just life living death or existence . that’s as clear as I can be about things right now as I’m still making sense of me and everything around me. If this comment makes no sense.lol.

  9. Lily says:

    You make perfect sense.

  10. Siddhartha says:

    Excellent Article Indeed !

  11. Lou Coatney says:

    Having a baby is transformative, especially for a woman. You (women) are giving Life … and usually Milk. Your focus changes completely from yourself to your little one. *S/he* becomes your fulfillment, not merely yourselves.

    It is wonderful to be a father, but compared to you we guys are only a little more than spectators.