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Lately, I’ve been crying a lot.
Tears come at the most random times—when watching a movie about war prisoners and then realising things like that are actually happening in the world, or when being teased by my mom and my boyfriend how I take everything (too) seriously, or when reading about this guy who took care of his terminally ill wife, or when I think of the time when my dad was in the hospital and I realised he wasn’t coming back.
Sadness and tears have been very close friends of mine for the last five years. That does not mean that I’m not happy but ever since my dad died, I’ve been carrying this immense sadness in my heart and it just won’t go away no matter how good my life is.
I don’t particularly show my sadness. Not because I don’t want others to see it but because I don’t want to discuss it. I want to keep it to myself, have a conversation with it and see what it says, what it teaches me, and what it leaves me with.
Today, when scrolling through my Facebook I found this video. I clicked play and not a minute passed when my face turned into a waterfall of tears. It reminded me of my dad, of death, of love, of my two dogs that passed away, of the ocean, of all the things that matter in the world.
I could almost feel my heart cracking open.
Saying goodbye to anyone—our friend, our parent or our pet—is painful. Very painful. All we can do is to honour their memory by respecting and paying forward what they taught us about life and ourselves.
“There’s this really smart scientist guy who thought that people could learn a lot from dogs. He said that when someone you love walks through the door, even if that happens five times a day, you should go totally insane with joy.” ~ Ben Knight