June 20, 2015

Free Love: The Search for the Un-Relationship.


Giuseppe Milo at Flickr

I think a love exists that is better than what we are told we should expect.

I’ve been married, divorced, single and had all varieties of complicated. Through it all I have been told by my friends that what I want actually doesn’t exist—that ‘real relationships’ don’t work that way.

Well, I have to disagree.

“Give the ones you love wings to fly, roots to come back, and reasons to stay.” ~ Dalai Lama

I think that we accept, or settle, for what we think we deserve, and we are only limited by our creativity to color outside the lines.

I have to believe that I am not the only one who has questioned the way that people fall in love and then combine their individual selves into some sort of togetherness.

I believe that we can sense instantaneously whether there is a connection with a potential lover—we just have a feeling of knowing. Often times we get into trouble because we pursue people that we think we should be with, however often our soul knows better, we just need to listen to it.

Finding love isn’t about the number of players, but how two people choose to play the game—together.

I don’t think the heart shaking type of love is found by looking—I think it happens accidently, possibly over a thousand small moments, or sometimes only over a handful.

This is the essence of Free Love—because it is free from expectations, conformity, and the rules that we have all been taught we need to abide by in order to find happiness in togetherness.

This is the love that is made up as two people travel along their journey together—the love that isn’t based in what we should be doing, but instead doing what feels right for us in the moment.

It’s flexible, and changes sometimes as subtly as the weather. It’s free from pressure, and from the belief that in order to be in love we need to act a certain way. This love is one that is rimmed in realism and sweetened by truth. It’s messy, real and will forever stain our lips with the taste of originality and blissful freedom.

Once we give ourselves permission to make it up as we go along, we can discover that the true joy of the un-relationship is realizing that we don’t need guidelines to know if we are sharing togetherness with someone or not.

It’s not public or shouted from the rooftops, it’s not labeled by titles, or given timelines or expectations to know that it’s real.

And it most certainly doesn’t have that fateful Facebook official status.

The un-relationship is free, and it’s the bond two people find themselves in not because they tried or because they are looking to lock the other in but because it just happens—because two people enjoy spending time together, they have feelings for each other and there is no desire to be intimate with anyone else.

It just is—just like the best things always are.

Free love is caring about someone so confidently that we still can delight in our independent journey and solitude.

A love like this will still encourage time spent laughing with friends over strong drinks, it will be the kind of love that lets us have crazy nights where we shake our heads at the memories of later on –and one where we are still able to take alone time if we need it and not have to rationalize or apologize for it.

Free love doesn’t have to answer or explain ourselves to someone else.

A love that is free means not monopolizing every minute of someone’s time—because just maybe, two people can love each other enough to enjoy time apart.

It inspires us to enjoy the spaces of aloneness inside our togetherness.

Free love isn’t controlling or needy, it’s not insecure or weak—and it certainly isn’t jealous.

It’s the kind of love that will knock us off our god damn feet, but yet will be there with a gentle hand to help us up.

Free Love is what we fall into when we stop searching for what we should be, and happens when two people are so content with themselves they realize they don’t need another to be happy. It’s the love that understands that two whole’s are always better than two halves—because we understand that no one can complete us but ourselves.

For those in the un-relationship we understand that our happiness or actions are not tied to the feelings or behavior of our lover, because we already have found that the true root of pleasure is in being ourselves and living a life that we love.

It’s an understanding that maybe the deepest love isn’t about how much time we spend with our lovers—but how comfortable we are when we aren’t with them.

Free love is letting us each have our own life, and enjoying the spaces of in between where it overlaps with laughter and late nights, but not needing constant attention to be happy.

Because the strongest relationships aren’t measured by the cost of jewelry on a finger, or the amount of pictures on social media, but in the strength to remain true to ourselves and keep our individuality within the spaces of our togetherness.

This is the kind of love that is so strong its roots are built in the skies of freedom, and its wings will never be clipped. Because for those in the un-relationship, free love is all we need, for as long as we are allowed to fly, and spread our wings—we will always return home.





10 Reasons Why Being Single(ish) Rocks.





Author: Kate Rose 

Editor: Renée Picard 

Image: Guiseppe Milo at Flickr 


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