June 16, 2015

The Fairy Tale Myth that Robs us of Love.

fairy tale princess and frog

Writers such as Shakespeare and the Brothers Grimm have tainted it for most of us women over the past few hundred years.

Tales of forbidden love, passionate yearning and noble heroes and heroines are forever etched in our psyches. We knowingly and often unwittingly seek out our own “prince charming” in order to fulfill some crazy notion of what true love is supposed to be. Because of these tales, we have intentionally set out to fall in love. Isn’t that quite the paradox? We don’t fall in love; we choose to love and to allow ourselves the ecstasy of being loved in return.

As small children we are introduced to stories of poor little cinder girls rescued from the wretches by handsome royals and valiant men of honor awakening us from slumber with passionate kisses after combating fire breathing dragons and evil witches. Oh, and don’t get me started on the forbidden love of Romeo and Juliet, a travesty in which teenage lovers end up committing suicide rather than facing the possibility of living apart. And on the token of commitment, isn’t that the essential component of a loving relationship? A strong and healthy relationship requires two people committed to one another and meaning it. That is the truest requirement for a much deeper and meaningful example of a love story.

However intriguing stories like fairy tales may be, they are almost completely unrealistic. No wonder the divorce rate is so high these days; too many Princes started farting on Cinderella. Tristan stopped sending flowers to Isolde; Snow White had an affair with Dopey because Prince Charming spent too much time at work.

Disney finally realized what an injustice they had done to society and created the animated movie “Frozen”, in which the Prince wasn’t so charming. For once, the Princess finally took her head out of her own ass long enough to actually see him for what he was: a man, an imperfect, infuriating, self-centered being with ulterior motives.

I’m not saying that good men aren’t available. I am strongly stating that the misconception that all women need to have the fairy tale life by means of a rescuing man is archaic.

A man can’t save you, women. You have to save yourselves.

You have to be willing to sit in your loneliness and do the work to heal your own broken psyche.

You have to find the courage to shake loose all that binds your own divine soul.

Before you can truly understand the value of being loved by another, you must begin with truly loving and honoring yourself.

It’s a sentimental thought to have a man carry you across the threshold to solace, confidence, romantic bliss and happy endings. The truth is, however, that you have to discover, embrace and own your own wondrous and revered self. It takes using your own strong legs to walk over glass when the Cinderella slippers have shattered beneath your feet. Trust me, after two divorces and now living what I consider the fairy tale love story, you have to first know and respect the delicious secrets of the self-assured woman you are, in order to clearly express what you need to feel valued and loved by your lover. Hear me when I say that desire does not necessarily equate to value when a man is passionately expressing his undying love for you.

Tina Turner pinpointed our dilemma in her album, Wildest Dreams. The lyrics in her song, “What’s Love Got to do With It” speak volumes if only we pay better attention. What’s love got to do with it….what’s love but a second hand emotion? What’s love but a sweet old fashion notion….Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?

To set the record straight, love has everything to do with it. Love for ourselves. Love that demands to be reciprocated because we know we are willing to give everything and we want everything in return. Love that is willing to speak up and say, “I need more attention. I deserve respect and deep affection. I’m not going to settle for anything less.” The sweet old fashioned notion demands to be rewritten as one that doesn’t set itself up as a repeatedly broken heart that stems from an insecure woman with a fancy notion of what love is supposed to look and feel like.

It’s high time that we begin writing new fairy tales. It’s time for us to be pioneers of a new frontier for women across the globe. It’s time to be women who do not shrink before our men or lose ourselves in our lovers. It’s time to be women who know our value, acknowledge what we bring to the relationship, understand that we are passionate, emotional creatures and demand to be recognized and treated as such. Love stories need not end as unrequited love.

We need to stop selling our souls for the high price of living a lowly fairy tale.


Author: Mishi McCoy

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock & Caroline Beaton

Image: Google images for reuse


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