I’m looking forward to that girl I want to be.
With sandy hair, salty lips, dirty feet and a wild laugh that challenges the way the universe works. She has stars in her eyes and this contagious laugh that is both compassionate and unapologetic. She wears crazy leggings, has red hair and is covered in ink, literally showing the world her story.
I love that girl.
I love her and some days I can barely breathe, I am so excited for her to show up.
She’s like that best friend who lives on the other side of the country who only gets to visit once a year and, while you’re waiting for her at the airport, you’re practically dancing you’re so giddy just thinking about all the adventures you’re going to have.
I love her so much.
And I’m already her.
We are already that girl/boy/person/fairy we see in our dreams.
I’m getting there. I can see her so clearly when I catch my gaze in the mirror. I can see straight through the bullsh*t and right to the truth. My essence is pure and my truth is waiting to be claimed—because I want more than anything to open my arms to the sky and dance so fast that my ego can’t catch up to me.
There are wings on my back and I have pictures of the summer when I dyed my hair blue (well, my bangs).
I am so close to my dreams. I can see them, just beyond where my fingers can reach. Something is holding me down, keeping me from just taking another step closer so I can take that beautiful vision and make it my reality. I am weighing myself down with past regrets and fear.
So much fear.
I am scared of the success that I do desperately crave.
Sometimes I just want to run away from that fear. Run so fast that it gets lost in the dust behind me. But, it chases me. It chases me and I can’t outrun it and eventually it tackles me to the ground and my knees get skinned up.
Sometimes fears force us to face them. The ego creates our fear, but our soul wants us to face it so we can overcome it and return to love.
I’m not trying to be anyone else. I’m not trying to be different than the person I’m meant to be. I’m just trying to be that person. I want to be the divine magical unicorn that I was brought to this earth to be.
There is just so much I need to forget and re-learn. There is so much baggage I need to shed, just so I can remember that she’s already me. I’m already her. She’s just waiting for me to remember and start living the life I was born to have.
I just need to remember.
I just need to surrender.
I just need to spread my wings and fly. There is no handbook. There is no instruction manual. There is only the belief that I feel so strongly in my heart that no one could ever persuade me otherwise. I can fly. I already am.
Who do you want to be?
How are you holding yourself back?
What can you do today to be closer to that girl/boy/person/unicorn you want to be?
I am Not an Object.
Author: Stacy Porter
Editor: Alli Sarazen
Photo: Courtesy of Author
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