September 11, 2015

A Love Letter to my Shadow.


Dear Shadow,

I just wanted to say, it’s okay, you don’t need to hide anymore.

I no longer fear you, deny you, ignore you nor despise you. I did for many years and hid you away from the world when you dared to surface.

Did it make you laugh or cry as I did everything I could to deny your existence and present to the world a face that is the opposite to who you are? Did you peep out from behind my pretty, shiny mask to wave at the shadows so carefully hidden away in others?

I’ve come to see that the more I ignore you, the more powerful you become and the more wretched too. When I call your sh*t, fairly and truthfully, you freeze like a rabbit caught in the headlights. I won’t let you destroy me or take full control, I’ve come too far for that. Besides, that’s not your true destiny, nor mine. There’s something far bigger in store for both us.

As I become brighter I sense your fear of being eradicated and forgotten altogether but it’s not going to be like that, I promise. I wouldn’t want to erase you even if I could, you’re way too precious for that. Instead I am transforming you and me and us. Why be lost and broken when we can be whole and golden?

When I first discovered you I was horrified and tried to separate from you. By doing this I began to act like a righteous fool. I cut myself off from all that is so wonderful about you.

As I became more brave I decided to explore the raw interplay of dark and light in my heart and soul. I began to see that so much depends on perspective and the volition of my mind as to whether something is actually good or bad and whether you are a help or a hindrance.

I saw that nothing is all good or all bad and both need the other to exist. As I came to befriend you more and more you gave me many gifts. One of the most treasured so far is my creativity. This was repressed for so long. When at first this creativity was unleashed it knocked me off my feet with it’s intense and powerful wildness. It was far from nice and acceptable, the way I was used to being. I felt intimidated by you and your depth and I would run away to the safety of what I thought I knew to be good and right and true.

Honestly, though, in time I came to feel that way, alone was too dry and rigid and I felt starved when I lingered there too long. So I came back to play with you again. You thanked me with blessings of healing, living creativity and a feeling of wildness and freedom.

I know now that all those times I became irritated and angry with other people and judged them, it was really you who I had the problem with.

I kept projecting you onto other people, heck, I still do sometimes but now I know to adjust my focus and look inwards to find where the real issue lies. It is only there that I can make any lasting positive changes.

Since discovering this I am much more at peace with my fellow man, I have no real issues with any of them anymore. I try to feel grateful when I do feel annoyed with them because they are helping to make me aware of where I need to work with you more.

They too have their own shadow and I feel more compassion towards them because of this. I am wiser for this knowledge and also wiser in my dealing with them, knowing that there is so much more to them than what I see.

So come here shadow and take my hand, know that I accept you exactly as you are. From here on I am going to be watching you closely and loving you completely so that I may become my complete true self.

Warts, brilliance and all.


Author: Carole Hills

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Photo: flickr/Pablo Miranzo

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