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Okay, so now you have her.
The woman on fire who not only lights up a room, but melts every nearby heart. The woman who everyone thought they wanted, but were afraid to have. She does what she wants, loves life, and for some reason, she chose you. So, now the question becomes how to keep her.
This is what has happened to me recently. What I had considered impossible has actually happened. I found an incredibly intelligent, insightful, beautiful, sexy, independent, wild woman. Not only did I find her, but we fell for each other hard.
Then, all at once, I found myself in a bit of a panic, wondering how to not only keep her, but allow her to remain the woman I fell in love with. After all, the same thing has happened to me several times in the past. I know well the feeling of being smothered by someone’s attention, while being forced into a mold of expectation, which eventually kills off the traits that were attractive in me to begin with.
I became determined to not let this happen to her as it had happened to me, and to help preserve all of the things that make a woman wild, happy and free. After much reflection, I have decided to share my thoughts to hopefully help others who find themselves in such a rare and lucky situation.
Never forget who she is and why.
She’s artsy, smart, passionate, sexy, and everything a wild woman should be. But, why? What path led to this place? These are the things you should want to know, and should not be afraid to have answered.
A wild woman is a woman freed from shame, from society’s expectations, and from your judgement.
I can tell you from experience that these conversations are not always easy, and sometimes I get feelings of jealousy or insecurity, but I keep in mind that these are my issues, from my experiences, and have nothing to do with her. You should also understand that for her to come to this place of comfort with herself, especially in our society, took a lot of resilience, hard knocks, mistakes, triumphs, and eras both dark and bright. Learn to love every story, because they are hers, and made her the amazing woman before you.
Don’t punish her for being herself.
Sometimes she comes home late. She laughs loudly. She likes to find a party to attend, crowd to join or group of friends to play with. She’s easily distracted by fun or artsy things, and she makes impulsive decisions. And that’s why I fell for her in the first place!
Trying to tame her, punish her, or getting her to “settle down” is the last thing on my mind. You can’t walk up to a fire and then be angry when it’s hot, nor can you tame a woman like this and expect her to be the same person you fell for in the first place. So, just revel in her ways, love every quirk, and thank her for being herself. She’ll likely do the same for you.
Give her a reason to come home.
One thing that can ruin an experience is worrying about the backlash that may come after. Creating an atmosphere of fear or harsh judgement will have your lady dreading coming home, hours before she gets there, and will quickly turn a carefree evening into a countdown to a let-down.
I always make sure that when she returns, I am warmly welcoming, and genuinely interested in how her experience went. When you really love someone, you should get pleasure from them having a good time, you should encourage them to have new experiences and conversations and learn new things. And then when they come home, appreciate that they came home to you. Isn’t that what you would want?
Balance space with togetherness.
My lady practices yoga, which takes a lot of time and dedication. It takes away from some of the free time that we would otherwise have together, but it also keeps her healthy and happy.
We both struggle with this because we both want both things at the same time.
But, too much of a good thing can ruin a good thing, and ruining it is exactly what you will be doing by trying to limit her time away from you. Instead, just make the most of the time you have together, and then when the time comes, send her off with a genuine, “Go for it, and have fun!” She will surely have a better time, and not leave with any resentments that would keep her from wanting to come back.
Be who you are, not what you think she wants.
Wild women want who they want, and they make it clear. If she wants you, it’s because she wants you. Not someone pretending to be who they are not, and not someone trying to enhance what you think they want, and hiding the rest.
They want reality. Good, bad, ugly, and everything in between. Just be you.
Sometimes I have a hard time with this, because I am aware of my flaws, and I would always rather focus on my strengths and not my weaknesses. But to live an honest life means acknowledging both sides, and to really love means trusting someone to accept you, flaws and all. And if she doesn’t, she’s not the right one for you.
Being supportive does not mean taking over.
I find myself constantly trying to “fix” things. I also really enjoy my masculinity and the feeling I get when I take care of things. But, I also try to be very conscious of how I present these things, and what impact they might have.
No woman gets stronger by never lifting a heavy thing, nor are they more capable if you don’t “allow” them to learn to fix the car, AC unit, or anything else. Chivalry is not dead, nor do they want it to die. But, you should accept that stereotypical gender roles, dominance, and bullying will not fly with your wild woman.
If you want to open a door or do something out of kindness, do it! If you want dominance, go raise sheep. Offer to help, but be ready for the independence that makes a woman wild.
Always be ready for adventure.
Don’t just send her on her way, be ready and willing to go do all the things!
Stay open to new experiences, discuss your own ideas on how to spice up the life you share, and always look forward to making new, awesome memories together. I always keep our camping gear stocked and ready, my ears open for a good vacation spot, and my eyes on the calendar for any days we can get away. I also try and stay open to trying things that may be beyond my comfort zone. But, I’m pretty sure that’s the only way to expand your comfort zone.
Remember that vulnerability goes both ways.
You want her to open up, let you into that soft spot that has rarely been seen, share her dreams and fears, and be truly there for her. Well, she wants the same thing. Actually, she will expect it. Because, anything else would be disingenuous, and shallow.
A wild woman wants depth, connection, and reality. So, give it to her. My woman and I have had some very deep, exposing conversations that were scary. I have things about myself and my past that I would rather hide from the world, but everyone should have that one person that they can really open up to, and expose it all. If not the person your most intimate with, than who?
Don’t just accept; encourage.
It’s one thing to be okay with someone’s life choices and accept the way they are. It’s another to be on board with those things, and encouraging. Be excited for her. Want the best for her, and support her love of life, and everything in it. Don’t just agree with her plans, suggest some.
Let her know that no matter what she wants to do, you’re in her corner, and happy for her to be living life to its fullest. I’m always on the lookout for things that I know she loves to do, but forgets because of life’s hectic pace.
People often lose whole pieces of themselves, just because they forget to do the things that make them happy. I also try to keep doing what I love, and I expect the same encouragement. Luckily, wild women are also secure woman, and are very encouraging.
Passion, passion, passion.
Passion is not something that just happens in the bedroom. It is an outlook on life. It is a way of being. A wild woman has passions for many things, and you should love her even more for them. This doesn’t just mean supporting her passions, but finding your own.
I have many passions that make me the person that I am, and I know that keeping that fire alive inside myself is the best way to keep her interested and in love with the person she met. A wild woman needs a wild man. So, do what you love, follow your dreams, tell her how you feel about every possible thing. Because, what is being wild, but expressing your passion?
The biggest takeaway I can offer is just to enjoy yourself, and your time with her.
Always keep in mind that you are the one that she wants. She may be wild, but she wants to be wild with you. If you give her space, freedom, and the ability to express herself without negative repercussions, she will want to keep it that way. Like any fire, let her breathe, feed her soul, and enjoy the warmth.
Author: Michael B. Strivelli
Editor: Catherine Monkman
Photo: Jack Wallset/Flickr