8 Common Misunderstandings about Soulmates.

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winter kiss jem yoshioka couple kiss love

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I read people for a living, which means that every day, as I move through my full slate of clients looking for love, fulfillment, purpose and healing, I’m called a fraud and a fake, accused of leeching money out of people and laughing all the way to the bank.

That’s right… you got me.

The truth is, I do make a good living. Rockefeller, I’m not, but my work has meaning. As soon as most people realize that I’m a pretty down-to-earth, non-judgmental person who just wants to make the world a little brighter, they tend to calm down.

But one area that continues to vex many of my clients, and fuel numerous disappointments, is the concept of the soulmate. So rather than writing a million individual emails trying to clear up these common misunderstandings, I thought I’d put together this list to break it down for you:

1. Soulmates are mental concepts, not emotional guarantees.

Maybe it began with the concept of romantic love, but even some of the most spiritually knowledgeable people believe, on some level, the romantic nonsense we’ve been fed by television and movies. That music swells, we kiss in the rain and from then on, we look amazing and cute, even in sweat pants and a messy bun with a crying child on our hip. Fights? No way! Sex? Constant and hot, always.

The fact is that a soulmate is a concept originating in the mind, meaning that it will have a different look and feel than something arriving in your real life. It holds no emotional promise of fulfillment. So while some people may enjoy lives that mirror these romantic fantasies, others may find that it takes time to work on communication and other issues.

2. Each of us has more than one soulmate. 

The first time my guides showed this to me in my mind’s eye was via a Pez dispenser with the head flipped back. We take one candy out, and try it. If we like it, we stay with it. But if not, there’s another one right behind it. This is how it is with soulmates. Each of us has been alive enough times in the past that we have plenty of stuff to work out with these people. There are plenty of soulmates to choose from, and work with, to find romantic fulfillment.

3. A soulmate relationship is not guaranteed to be issue-free. 

We’re soulmates for a reason. That reason may be unfinished business from a previous lifetime, or even karma owed from other relationships in the past. We may need to learn how to get over a “type” like the bad boy, or the unavailable girl. Therefore, a close relationship with a soulmate is actually much more likely to have issues that need to be examined and sorted out.

4. None of us is guaranteed a lifelong relationship with a soulmate.

This common misunderstanding comes from storybooks. When we’re lucky enough to attract a soulmate, we may get along very easily, feel that we’ve met the person before, or even that we’re instant allies. But we still have to move though the same steps as other humans to get to know each other now, at this stage of our growth and development. A soulmate is not a shortcut, in other words.

5. Soulmates can be our greatest blessing and most painful curse.

A great example of this is Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. Clearly, they were soulmates, attracting each other like moths to twin flames and marrying twice before realizing that they simply couldn’t be together. When soulmates have very intense energy or lessons together, there may be an instant and sometimes volatile attraction, followed by fighting and breakups.

6. You can (slightly) control when your soulmate arrives. 

Obviously, the universe is in charge of timing, deciding when we’re ready to engage in this type of relationship. But as I tell my clients, you can help this along by being ready. One way to do this is to make it a practice to continually release old karma, painful memories and limiting beliefs from the past, which may hold you back from attracting someone special. It also clears the slate for building a new relationship.

7. You can also f**k up a soulmate’s arrival.

It doesn’t happen often, but every once in a while, I have a client who’s not able to see past their romantic ideals. If they believe they’ve attracted a soulmate and are then having problems, they believe someone or something else is to blame. Or, if I tell them that a certain path will bring them closer to a soulmate, some clients have then thought, “well it’s coming, so I can stay home on the couch and not do anything,” not realizing that that in itself is an action.

Some even get mad at me when this happens. My answer is, you just changed everything by not going through with the energetic promises you made. Make sure you’re not someone who’s inadvertently f**king up your soulmate’s arrival by saying one thing and then doing, or not doing, another.

8. If one soulmate relationship fails, you can always ask for another.

Nothing lasts forever, not even a soulmate relationship. The good news is, if you’ve lost someone you felt you were destined for, you probably were, but may need another lifetime to pull it together. When you feel ready, ask your guides, angels, ancestor spirits and helping beings to send you another, better version more capable of being with you at this stage of your development. You may find that this little tweak keeps the idea of love alive (yay!) while releasing any harmful romantic ideals not really possible for actual humans to live up to.

 

Relephant Read:

To my Soulmate I Choose not to Love.

Once you’ve found them, keep them:

Author: Alyson Mead

Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: Jem Yoshioka/Flickr

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Alyson Mead

Psychic since childhood, Alyson Mead has been reading people since the age of 19, and has since become certified at the highest levels in Astrology, Reiki, Tarot, Matrix Energetics, Theta Healing, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, and Sound Healing. She has more than 25 years’ experience as an intuitive healer, using Reiki (Usui Reiki Master & Karuna Reiki Master from the International Center for Reiki Training), Theta Healing (certified Theta Healer/Advanced Theta Healing from ThetaHealing Worldwide), Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and Matrix Energetics. She also gives readings as the Sassy Psychic, and teaches bestselling online classes at DailyOM, including Using Intuition to Get the Love You Want. Alyson is also the bestselling author of four books, including Searching for Sassy: An L.A. Phone Psychic’s Tales of Life, Lust & Love, which won Hay House’s Book-to-Screen Pitchfest and landed a TV development deal with the producers of USA Network’s PSYCH. Her newest book, Astrology Made Simple, is out now. Visit her website. 

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anonymous Dec 22, 2015 1:41am

I found my soul mate when I was fourteen she was seven years older than me so life time away even though I knew right then I would be with her are lives went on and we even forgot about each other we both lived similar lives but didn’t me back up for some where around ten years I didn’t even recognize her she kind of did me but couldn’t place where so began the dance of love between soul mates she chased me all over the country we both traveled following the grateful dead for the love of music and I won’t lie she scared me she was relentless in her pursuit of me I was with someone else at the time but she didn’t. Care at all she won my heart and the first time we was together as one it all came to me from that chance encounter as teenager and it was all over from then one spent the next four years not a day apart then I got in trouble with the law and we got separated and had a beautiful little girl man this pained us both cause I went away for a long time almost ten years thats long time to change and go apart but my heart never changed and now we are trying to pick up where we left off it hasn’t been easy but I think if we both try harder to work together we can make it cause when its good its still heaven but when its bad its hell but we still love one another and passion is still but we have issues and both hurt each other but I can’t think of other women but I have PTSD and that makes me difficult to be with and she broke trust between us and still we love each other never been so confused on what to do I know we love each other more than any thing but so much has gone wrong between us but when I move 800 miles away it didn’t stop both of us wanting to get back together no matter the pain we caused each other we going to see each other for first time in couple months I can’t wait but scared at the same time I love her heart and soul and she is coming to me this time so plez wish these two soul mates luck please

anonymous Oct 18, 2015 11:03am

Great article, some of it I don't agree with. But I do believe in more then one soulmate. They are few and far in between, I don't believe every person you have a relationship with is a soulmate, not that you said that just what I believe.

anonymous Oct 15, 2015 11:51am

Thanks for being brave enough to share your story, Bridgy!

anonymous Oct 15, 2015 1:13am

I am sure I met my soulmate and love of my life 2 years ago. But he broke up with me because he was and is still in a long relationship…. (12 years now). When he broke up

With me, not because he didnt Love me. Noooo not at all! Not because he Love her, no. He Said: I don’t have the guts to Change my life now”….

He was feeling guilty for her 🙁

But each and Every day of my life I am thinking of him. I don’t give up the Hope that one day we will be again together and live our common love….