The desire to not be flawed—to not have imperfections, to not have fears, to not have traumas, to not have pain—is simply ridiculous.
It is holding us back from action. It is holding us back from connection. It is holding us back from fulfilling our purpose.
The wounds we have are meant to be entered. The fears we have are meant to be experienced. We are supposed to feel them and move through them—embrace them and expose them.
Don’t downplay or diminish your fear in the light of other people’s suffering. Don’t try to bargain with it or change it. Reason has no seat in the council of understanding fear. Whatever your fear may be, it is valid. We ought not belittle our own fears in comparison to the weight of others’ fears.
For me, it was a fear of putting myself in front of a camera—confronting my appearance, my judgments, my insecurities, my ego, my perfectionism and my wounded child—and showing that to all of you.
It may look small to someone else, but to me—the act of recording myself and sharing it feels like the hardest thing in the world to do.
I know for a while now, many people have seen my writing—and yes, there were tons of fears I had to beat through in order to write and share those blogs, articles and posts. And you may be thinking, “What’s the difference between writing, versus making videos?”
I see my writing as just fleeting moments of ideas that flew through me. They are not me.
I see my body as something I just happen to be living through right now—it is not me either.
This realization is one I truly do believe to be true.
But still, the face that I see in the mirror stares back at me, with sticky attachment and stories each day.
I have many years of bad programming and debilitating beliefs about my appearance. It stems from a trauma I experienced as a child, and it has only gotten worse with time. My beliefs of having something “wrong with me” and that I was “not being good enough” led me to years of anxiety, eating disorders, drug use and depression.
So, to stand in front of a camera, for the world to see—and to openly discuss my fears publicly—is absolutely my worst nightmare.
But, I did what I feared the most, because I believe that our fears serve a purpose.
Maybe fear isn’t something we’re supposed to run from, but run towards instead?
Fear may be a signal to us of the things that matter.
It is only our minds that categorize the physiological experience of fear as negative or scary.
Our fears may seem entirely irrational, but maybe that’s because we’re not utilizing them.
Fear doesn’t say, “Turn around and run away.”
It says, “Come towards me and charge!”
So let’s stop waiting to be “ready.”
Stop waiting for your fears to go away.
There’s no real preparation needed. We’ll have our tears and sweat, and that’s enough.
They’re like armor—they come to prepare us for the fight.
The war between our fear and our freedom is always being fought, whether we’re conscious of it or not.
No matter what it may feel like, no matter how deep the scars and the pain go, no matter how debilitating the fear—know that you can overcome it.
We are always ready to face our fears—it’s just a matter of deciding to step into battle.
If we re-frame our wounds, our pain and our fear, as merely gatekeepers to finding our freedom and fulfilling our purpose, we can make friends with them.
In time, maybe you will see too that your wounds are your greatest gifts.
Your fears are your greatest allies.
It’s like a dartboard hanging in every corner of our subconscious mind, showing us the places we need to go.
That is exactly what I explain in the video I’ve created.
Through my very visible tears and sweat on camera, I invite you to watch me break through some of my own fears and find freedom, in real time.
None of it was rehearsed, and none of it was planned—I just pressed “record.” And what you see is what flowed out of me, in that moment.
I hope it might inspire you to do something you’ve been holding yourself back from doing.
If you choose to be vulnerable and let it out—you will see that, in the process of freeing yourself, you may help inspire others to find their own freedom from fear as well.
Author: Jenna Galbut
Editor: Yoli Ramazzina
Photo: Flickr/Alyssa L. Miller