October 10, 2015

You Can’t “Eff It Up” in Love, even if you try!

Flickr/Helga Weber

I have been feeling a lot of anxiety in the air lately—people feeling like they don’t know what’s going to happen with the person they are dating, or they are unsure if they should call/text/write someone they are interested in.

I feel this anxiety swirling around me all of the time! We hold back in someway, or we are afraid to show who we really are.

Or, heaven forbid, we share what we really want and need in a relationship.

So many of us, myself included, are paralyzed with fear because we don’t want to screw up our chances of finding “the one” or progressing from our casual date to long term commitment!

We end up playing “games” whether we realize it or not. We try to anticipate the outcome, stick to the “rules” and try to stay within our roles.

In my experience though, when it’s our “long-haul person” (the person we are meant to be with), all of that sh*t goes out the window.

Think about it.

When we are crazy smitten with someone—and they are just as equally gaga about us—playing by the “rules” is the last thing on either of our minds.

While something we did may have been “too much” with other people, this person finds it adorable. It may even be why they love us!

Why do you think the most common thing you hear from people who find “the one” is: “I can finally just be myself!”

We cannot predict what is going to happen in any given situation, and we definitely cannot foretell who we are going to fall in love with.

I believe in getting clear on what we want in a partner—and what we want to feel like in relationship—so that we know it when we see it, and can do whatever we need to do to attract it. But it is based on values—not the outside appearance or the “dance” we do day to day.

This is why I’ve realized that these rules, conditions and guidance that are given to us by others are crap! While some advice may be helpful, how can it really speak to who you are, as an individual, and what is going to work for you in a relationship?

I am a fan of case by case scenarios and making up my own freaking rules.

Besides, who wants to be with someone that is playing a game or simply acting a certain way, anyway? I know I sure as hell don’t!

I want someone who will be themselves—someone honest, respectful, imaginative, spontaneous—you get the drift. (I’ve personally found that person, and you know what, I can speak from experience that it feels absolutely amazing and freeing).

We spend so much time and energy trying to figure out what our prospective (or current) partners are thinking or feeling.

It’s insane!

Here is a novel concept–-just ask them directly. Start practicing those honesty and communication concepts from the beginning!

But—above all else—the moral of this story is: “You can’t eff it up in love, even if you try!”

We will eventually meet the people we are supposed to meet. It will unfold the way it is supposed to unfold, and it will happen when it is time for all parties involved—and if it is the right person, they will gladly be along for the ride!

Hopefully this will help give us the permission and the freedom for us all to just be ourselves.

Don’t worry about what is going to happen, because you can’t eff it up.

Life is messy, and there is no use trying to stay clean and perfect. So, eff some sh*t up—be you.

Be unapologetic, and be free.

Life will be a hell of a lot more boring if you don’t.

Besides, do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t see you for who you are?

I want someone who sees me—messes and all—and still feels lucky beyond belief to be with me.



Let’s not Fix Each Other.


Author: Natalie Vartanian

Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

Photo: Flickr/Helga Weber

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