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November 17, 2015

6 Reasons we find Bad Boys so Irresistible.

Flickr/Adam

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*Dear elephant reader: if you’re single & looking for mindful dating or conscious love, try out our lovely partner, MeetMindful.

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“Loving you is like holding the sun and hoping I don’t get burned.” ~ Unknown

We’ve all dated the “bad boy”—you haven’t truly lived until you’ve bedded one of those.

They’re hot, they’re sexy, they’re totally unpredictable—and they make you so crazy, you swear you’ll never get sucked in again.

But you do—they’re just that friggin’ irresistible.

Even the best of us will go a second round with Mr. Bad Boy—why do we do it? We all claim we want the “nice guy”? The guy who puts us first, calls when he says he will, shows up on time and says what he means and means what he says.

Yet, we turn our backs on the “nice guy,” in favor of the “bad boy,” who makes our heart race and break at the same time.

There are alot of reasons we do it, and some of them are biological. “Bad boys are a potent mix of confidence, indifference, mystery and excitement,” Dr Kanan Khatau Chikhal, a clinical and health psychologist says—and this resonates with a lot of woman.

I tend to think there are alot of reasons sane, single women everywhere pursue the bad boy. It’s all just one big rush. When you get involved with a bad boy, the whole thing tends to be incredibly spicy and invigorating—so much so, that it feels like a wild ride you can’t get off.

It doesn’t matter how you slice it—it’s most likely not going to end well, but it’s definitely going to end.

So why do we do it?

1. The challenge. Oh yes, the bad boys are a challenge—and we love the chase as much as any guy.

What we can’t have, we desire more. The possibility of converting a bad boy—from a long-standing playboy who flirts with everything in a skirt—into a devoted, committed, romantic man is so strong, we sometimes can’t help ourselves.

Except we need to help ourselves. The chase and the challenge become exhausting. Who wants to be doing the chasing all the time? Strong women like to be pursued themselves, so eventually we need to stop running towards him, and allow him to run towards us. (Preferably a nice guy running towards us.)

2. He’s sexy, sensual and super hot. He’s got the looks, the body and the moves. And he knows how to work them. Mainly because he’s had alot of practice. The hook about this is, we all like to think that once he’s bedded us, there will be no other woman for him, because we are just that good.

But ladies, nobody is good enough for him. It may be amazing with you, but he’s always looking out for the next best thing. And if he thinks he can have it, he’s going to chase after that and leave you behind. Enjoy the hot sex while it lasts, because he’ll soon be enjoying even hotter sex with somebody else. That’s what bad boys do.

3. He’s mysterious. We can’t figure him out, but we want to. We don’t know what he feels most of the time, which makes us even more passionate about figuring him out. He plays a lot of games—and although we don’t like them, it keeps us on our toes. Wondering, analyzing, probing him—the mystery is the allure, and it can keep even the most grounded woman hooked for awhile, until she comes to her senses.

4. He’s typically unavailable. Bad boys are typically unavailable, at least when it comes to being in a real relationship. They have 101 reasons why they can’t commit, and for some reason, this makes us want them more. It’s like the California drought—the less rain we get, the more we fantasize about getting it.

There is nothing that drives a sane woman more crazy than the challenge of getting the unavailable bad boy to become available to her. It makes us feel we have something special that he wants—instead of seeing that he’ll never make us a priority or commit to being with just us.

5. He’s broken and we want to “tame him.” Most Bad boys are broken inside. They have some deep childhood trauma or weren’t nurtured enough growing up, so they seek that nurturing from many women, or can’t commit because they fear being controlled the way their mommy controlled them. Going back to the “challenge” allure—we, as women, have an inherent desire to nurture his wounds and tame his untamed heart.

Most likely this isn’t going to happen. If he’s been broken this long and hasn’t shown a desire to heal himself yet, you aren’t going to change that. All the love in the world from you won’t help, if he isn’t willing to help himself.

6. We have our own commitment issues. We know bad boys won’t commit. If they do, it’s rare. So, if you yourself fear commitment, what better way to avoid a relationship than to date a bad boy? It’s a great way to protect yourself, and you’ll never have to be vulnerable.Ultimately though, even bad boys and commitment-phobes want to be loved. So eventually one of us is going to have to surrender.

As sexy as the bad boy is—you know what’s even sexier? A bad-ass man who has his sh*t together.

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Relephant:

Why Am I Attracted to Bad Boys (or Bad Girls)?

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Author: Dina Strada

Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

Photo: Flickr/Adam

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