Today was a difficult day to enter.
It doesn’t matter why; I’m sure you know the kind I mean. Maybe for you it’s the anniversary of a loss, a parting or a disappointment. Maybe it’s nothing so concrete.
Regardless, it’s difficult.
The kind of morning where you wake up too early and know you won’t fall back asleep. The kind where you sort of wish you could hit “next.”
I don’t have many mornings like this, so I fight it at first. Try to disappear back into last night’s dreams.
Destined to fail.
Finally, I surrender. Accept the weak light of early Helsinki morning filtering through my eyelashes. Get up. Make a cup of tea to substitute the sleep I will not have. Sit down. Open my notebook.
When you wake up on a difficult morning, perspective doesn’t cut it. Of what use is measuring my sadness against the world’s, when I am no more and no less than a microcosm?
When you wake up on a difficult morning, see what happens if you don’t try to make it anything else. It doesn’t have to be sunny all the time.
We don’t always have to help ourselves.
Forget about it.
Let it go.
Sometimes it is enough to make a cup of tea and sit down.
When you wake up on a difficult morning, let it be difficult.
I finish my cup of tea, and I watch through the kitchen window as the sky opens to faded blue. My eyes feel heavy, and my thoughts churn in slow motion.
Today is. Full stop.
There is no thing to fix. No thing to resolve.
This morning is what it is what it is.
And there is nothing I should do about it.
Author: Toby Israel