In my private practice as a women’s sexuality coach, I work with a lot of women who struggle with low-libido and/or painful sex issues.
These are issues that I’m intimately familiar with, as I had a condition that caused painful sex, coupled with low-libido for over 20 years.
During those 20 years, I sought help from gynecologists and therapists, only to be told things like: “You just haven’t met the right person yet” or “Try some different positions.” None of this advice was helpful because it didn’t get to the root issues that were causing the pain and low-libido.
Then, about four years ago, I experienced a remarkable and quick healing around my sexuality after discovering a somatic sexuality practice called Orgasmic Meditation and using an intuitive process for repairing my sex drive. Within six weeks of starting this activity, I had completely healed the condition that was causing me pain, woke up my libido, and was having sex that was deeply pleasurable.
After 20 years of only experiencing pain during sex, I cannot express how much this shift meant to me.
I remember after the first time I climaxed while a lover was inside me, I sat up and looked at him and said: “This is what it means to be a woman.”
I was so moved by my experience, I left a 12 year career and became women’s sexuality coach, so I could help other women have the same shift.
In my private practice, I teach all my clients the same process that I used to heal the condition that was causing pain and wake up my sex drive.
Even if we don’t experience low-libido or pain, this process will take our sexual experiences to the next level.
Our bodies are built for pleasure and if we are not experiencing pleasure during sex, following my three step process will help.
Stop doing anything sexual that we don’t deeply and thoroughly enjoy. And I do mean everything.
As a woman, during sex, our body is meant to be in a relaxed and receptive state so we can bloom open. When our body blooms open, our sexual energy will begin to flow and circulate. But, when we are enduring our way through sex acts that we don’t enjoy, our body contracts instead of blooming open. When we contract, we block our sexual energy from flowing and create a memory in our body that sex is a chore instead of pleasurable. This leads to wanting sex less and less.
When we stop doing things that contract us sexually, our body can begin to relax and repair.
If we have a partner and we’ve been enduring our way through sex acts for a while without being honest that we’re not enjoying them, it can feel daunting to have this conversation.
But if our partner is worth sticking around for, he or she will want to go through this repairing process with us.
Take time to do healing work around sexuality.
We live in a culture that shames and demonizes female sexuality, on top of the fact that sexual violence against women is rampant. If we haven’t experienced sexual trauma ourselves, more than likely we know women who have. Even hearing about other women who have experienced sexual violation and trauma can leave scars on our sexual psyche.
Shame, trauma and our current collective consciousness about sex creates blockages to our sexual energy. Getting professional support in moving through these issues will do wonders to unblock sexual energy.
3. Fill up.
As women, our sexual energy is meant to be both a healing salve and source of fuel for our body.
So, when we don’t have access to it, we will become burnt out and dried up internally. This is the reason many women are tired, stressed out and unhappy. They are missing a vital source of feminine fuel.
So, obviously, if we’re not enjoying sex, it’s not a way to fill up.
But, do not fear, there are other ways to fill up. My top recommendation is to start a daily somatic (body based) sexuality practice. There are a lot of practices out there, and the two I recommend and teach my private clients are Orgasmic Meditation and mindful self-pleasuring. A somatic sexuality practice is a great way to unblock our system and get that sexual energy flowing.
Once we get our sexual energy flowing and fill up our system with it, we will naturally start wanting to have sex. And, when we do start having sex again, the amount of pleasure will have dramatically increased.
Experiencing deep sexual pleasure is our birthright as women.
I know it can feel overwhelming to dive into issues around sexuality, but the pay off is worth it. We are meant to have a sex life we love. Sex is meant to nourish our body, heart and soul. So, take time to repair, heal and fill up so we are receiving the nourishment our body needs.
Your body will thank you.
Author: Sarah Kennedy
Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock
Photo: flickr/Lianne Viau