Even on the brightest of days, I’m sitting in the dark.
There is no light to be seen. Not today. Am I able to find my way out?
I feel afraid. I feel vulnerable. I feel stuck. All I want is to go back to the light.
A whisper comes: What’s the hurry?
As I become aware of my thoughts, I feel tension manifest in my body and I realize this isn’t the first time. I’ve been here before. Many times. It just feels different this time. This time it’s overwhelming. As if I won’t escape. As if someone is telling me to stay.
The whisper: What’s the hurry?
What could the message be? And then I wonder, Mom, is that you? Your spirit connects to me in my dreams. I yearn for your connection again. Your touch. Your hugs. Your kisses. Your voice. You. I yearn to have you back.
The whisper: what’s the hurry?
I see nothing. I hear nothing other than the whisper. Yet in that moment, I feel everything. Happiness. Sadness. Anger. Frustration. Joy. Gratitude. Humbleness. Fear. Vulnerability. Overwhelm. I feel everything. Maybe this is it! The reality of life. To feel everything. Once we feel everything we can finally understand. Understand the depth of ourselves. Understand each other. Understand animals. Nature. The planet. Understand God. The divine. The universe.
But here it comes again: what’s the hurry?
Still in the dark. I face my fear. I gain the courage and ask, “who are you?”
The whisper answered: I am you.
“What!? How? I hear you speaking but it comes from without, not from within.”
I am the wisdom you seek. I am the one you pray to. I am the one you desire when you’re sad. I am you. You just haven’t heard me until now. You yearn for the light and yet you don’t realize the way in which you perceive both the light and the dark is only an illusion. Only you have the power to unlock the truth. Only you have the power to let go of fear of your perceptions. Only you have the power to let the material world be in order for you to live now. The true light is within. Not without.
Right now is all you have, so what’s the hurry?
It was at that moment I realized, it’s not the light that brings me peace. Peace comes from the present moment. Right now. No matter if I’m sitting in the dark or the light. Without darkness I don’t recognize the depth of my being, nor the connection to something greater. Without the light I don’t recognize my purpose on this planet, nor experience the beauty of relationships and connection. One cannot exist without the other. It comes from allowing myself to be in the dark, by myself, with myself. The dark invites me to see and feel myself as a whole. The dark allows me to connect. To go deeper. It liberates me to surrender. Finally.
Author: Liz Terry
Editor: Caitlin Oriel