Last Year I Flew
Last year was an exhausting, yet amazing, soul wrenching test of fortitude and spirit,
In which I struggled, dangerously, to keep my broken dreams and broken heart above water;
Gasping, Drowning, Swimming, Floating.
Last year was one of fumbling around blindly in the darkness, for what I wasn’t sure:
My Self, my Truth, my Way.
Running, Wandering, Falling, Losing, Finding, and Losing Again.
Last year was one of sabotage and destruction,
A masochistic forest fire that purged my soul—
Destroying every safe harbor of denial and refuge—
Burning it all to the ground with strident, reckless precision.
Fertile Soil and Ashes.
Last year was one of Battling,
Wrestling with the demons of resentment, unspoken truths and unrealized expectations.
Fighting, Forcing, Pushing, Trying just to stay alive. Surviving.
Bloody Knuckles, Broken Bones, a Turbulent Spirit.
Uncovered Strength. Courage.
Last year I turned to face the beastly darkness of my fears,
Armed with the bravery that comes from Nothing Left to Lose,
I turned to face my Truth—and looked it dead in the eye—Under my furrowed brow,
As tears of relief and healing kissed gently upon my cheeks.
And my Truth welcomed me home.
Last year I tugged at the cord that bound me,
The one that held it all together,
Like a noose around my neck.
And in the process of freeing myself,
I came undone.
Like a bag of marbles, spilling and bouncing upon the floor.
Then the falling.
I fell into the abyss.
In vain, I struggled, mightily, to right myself.
I grasped at anything and everything to catch myself.
But I could not.
So, I resigned and relaxed into the falling.
Almost seductively, sensually, exploring the freedom of the fall.
I tilted my head back, arched my back, and opened my chest, my heart.
I smiled. And spread my arms, like wings,
And just before I hit the ground,
To my newly Awakened bewilderment,
Author: Leslie Anna DeVol
Editor: Catherine Monkman
Photo: Gisela Giardino/Flickr