“She woke up each morning with the option of being anyone she wished. How beautiful it was that she always chose herself.” ~ Tyler Kent White
I have put others before myself for far too long.
This time, I am standing up for my voice within, that just can’t be silenced, no matter how hard others may try.
This time, I am choosing myself.
I am abandoning all the would haves and the should haves and I’m taking off every single ill-fitting expectation that I have worn for the sake of others.
I am choosing myself and standing naked in my truth, ready to paint myself with a life that I love.
As much as I love doing the right thing, I’ve learned that I can’t make a choice for anyone but myself.
I can’t make choices that my mother or father would be happy with, if in the end I am left chaotic and distressed with the results of a life that wasn’t of my own design.
I can’t keep my mouth closed with my lover, and not stick up for myself, because the words will eventually choke in the back of my throat, making me unable to breathe with the weight of holding the world by myself.
And no matter how much I love them, I can’t choose my children over myself, because to be of any worth, I need to make myself happy with a life that feels right for me.
I need to choose myself, so that I can choose them as well.
I can no longer be the woman who everyone needs me to be because I have made the choice to become the woman who I was destined to be.
I choose myself.
I choose my own happiness and my own meandering path, even if others think that I am lost at times.
The truth is, as long as I am listening to my own rhythmically poetic heart, I won’t ever be adrift.
I’m choosing a life free from the desolate responsibility to uphold the norm.
I’m not choosing a lover or a life path, but myself.
In casting off the lingering shawls, heavy with the patented ideals of others, I have found the freedom to be myself.
Whatever that may mean.
And the thing is, because I am comfortable in choosing myself, I don’t need the false validation provided by another.
I don’t need to hitch myself to a man in order to find my place in this world and to feel of value.
I do not need to continually bang on a door that just won’t open.
Instead I walk in the light and I travel with the indigo mist of dusk, as I trust that anything that is truly meant for me will appear.
I’m choosing daydreams and sunrises lit by the smiles of my midnight meanderings.
It’s not that choosing myself is always easy, but it is a choice that leaves my soul at ease as I lay my tired bones down after a long day.
Because I have found that the only truth that matters is the one found within the spaces of my ambitious heart and precious hands.
I am life and I am love.
And there isn’t anyone else out there on this amazingly beautiful planet who can give me anything, if I haven’t already given myself the world.
I am choosing myself precisely so that one day I can choose a lover.
I won’t cling to him out of neediness or impose my own insecurities upon him, in an effort to have him fix me.
And this is because nothing about me will be broken.
I am choosing myself so that I can be the best woman I can possibly be.
While my family may not always like it, they will come to respect me, once they see how my life is lit up with passion and integrity.
I am choosing myself so that my daughters will learn to do the same.
I may not always look or act like the societal definition of a mother, but I am teaching my children the most valuable lesson I can.
That the only thing we should ever strive to be is ourselves.
I choose myself.
In the course of thousand days and in a hundred different ways—I am putting myself first.
Not out of lusty greed or self-righteousness but because I believe that in order to be the healthiest version of myself, I need to simply put myself first.
Because it is no one’s job to fill me up, but my own.
No one else can determine what is right for me, except the beat of my own heart, light with its true sovereignty.
No one else can walk my path with authenticity and the desire to explore the unknown veils that exist between worlds, if only I am brave enough to continue on through the darkness.
I no longer need someone else to write my story, and if they choose not to read it, it’s not a reflection of its worth.
The thing is, not everyone is meant to break apart from the pack to create a new world—but I am.
I am choosing myself.
I wear my bare erotic splendor, that comes from being a woman unabashedly content in my own skin.
I have created the space and freedom to make up my own rules.
Because I’ve realized that I don’t need anyone else to tell me how they think I should live.
And I won’t even need a diamond to know that a man’s love is forever.
Because I know that when I have found my own individual song, I will attract someone who truly appreciates my unique melody.
There is something special that happens when we choose ourselves.
We put our past to bed and with it, any lingering regrets or childhood pain.
We stop blaming others for our unhappiness or bitter predicaments.
We realize how futile it is to compare ourselves to anyone else, when we are already amazing.
We simply realize that no one else can ever choose us, if we haven’t first chosen ourselves.
And so, today, tomorrow and a year from now—I will continue to choose myself and the life that I love.
Author: Kate Rose
Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock