January 12, 2016

I Do Not Need You—But I Want You.

couple holding hands love cowichan sweater

Make no mistake—I do not need you.

Certainly not to complete me—and not even to support me.

But I would like you to be with me.

I’m tired of the solo life. I want a shared life now.

I’m well able to look after myself. I’ve been doing it for decades.

But I’d like to look after you—and have you look after me.

Let’s look after one another.

I’m not looking for an exciting life. I’m ready for the quiet comfort of sharing my life with my companion, my lover, my best friend. (After so long doing my own thing, there will be enough challenge and excitement involved in merging our lives to keep me on my toes for some time to come.)

I want to be your sanctuary—your home. Let me be that for you.

But before we come together, I want you to know—I may freak out when you finally show up.

I may try to sabotage things and see only reasons why we could never work out.

I may wonder if it’s all too good to be true.

I need you to see through that crap and stand firm.

Remind me that although I don’t need you, I do want you.

Reassure me that I need not fear giving you my heart, for you will be gentle with it.

Reveal to me your own vulnerabilities, so that I can see that you too are scared.

Hold my hand and promise me that we’ll back one another up, as we each slay our demons.

Remind me that our love, like life, does not come with any guarantees—but we deserve to enjoy one another, even if it turns out not to be forever. (After all, what is forever?)

Promise me that our hearts will be glad we took the risk.

Swear that—no matter what—you will try to work things out.

I will f*ck up, for sure. I’m sure you will make some mistakes too.

I will see reasons to run, and I have no doubt I’ll present you with a few of your own.

But this time, I want to sit tight. Squirm through the discomfort, but work my way through it.

I can’t make many promises, but I promise to do better than I have done before.

I hope you won’t give up on me.

I hope I will not give up on you.



Come Now. {Poem}

What I Need Before I Can Love You.


Author: Hilda Carroll

Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

Photo: Jenelle Ball/Unsplash

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