I’ve suffered from depression and panic attacks since I was nine years old.
Add in drug addiction issues in my late teens and early 20s, not to mention the underlying traumas that I stuffed down and didn’t face for 20 odd years, and I was living in an emotional tornado.
The yoga poses prepared the way, but it is really daily meditation that is the thread that knit my mind back together.
During a period when I contemplated suicide nearly every day, the missing factor was that I stopped sitting in meditation every day—I still did my asana practice but I just couldn’t bear to face my mental demons in the pure space of sitting.
But one day I did.
Just for five minutes at first. And the light was there, waiting for me, forgiving, filled with compassion and strength.
Meditation is the first step from a major life change that saved my mind from a downward spiral into an impenetrable darkness. Developing a meditation practice is the foundation of my strength.
On a day like today, after five hour taxi from Mysore to Bangalore, a four hour overnight flight to Singapore and a desperate sleep deprived nap, asana is not an option, but meditation is a necessity—it gives me the courage and faith to remain calm and equanimous no matter what happens. It gives me the quiet space of inner awareness where I can approach that innermost temple of spirit within my heart.
The meditative mind is clear, full of faith born from direct experience, compassionate, wise and unwavering. With a humble heart, full of grace, and a mind strengthened by faith, I learned how to believe in myself again. And because I did it, I know you can too.
Be strong. Remain equanimous and sit every day.
Author: Kino MacGregor
Editor: Katarina Tavčar
Photo: Author’s own