January 2, 2016

Triggered & Exhausted by your Relationships? Do This.


Don’t ever underestimate the power of stating your needs clearly.

Do you ever find yourself in the middle of an emotional crisis and wonder how you got there?

I mean, really sit with it, breathe through it, and get to the root of the crisis?

Where did it start? How did it come to be? And most importantly: What part did you have in creating it?

Because taking responsibility for our part is essential in healing those wounds.

Owning that we had a hand in perpetuating a cycle can go a long way towards breaking it.

And sometimes, it’s as simple as stating your needs. Clearly. Compassionately. Without pointing the finger of blame at anyone, simply owning the fact that you have needs.

I found out a need this year.

It was that I needed people around me who had follow-through in regards to relationships. Any kind of relationship: friendship, sexual, romantic, even platonic. I needed more than words. I needed action.

Because in the past, I often found that some of my friends weren’t nearly as responsive to my needs as I was to theirs.

For example, someone would text me at four in the morning asking for advice. There is nothing so important that I would be doing, or any crisis of my own I would be going through, that I wouldn’t be available to a friend in need. If I didn’t text them back right away, it would be within a day. Even if we hadn’t talked in months.

And often, those same friends would take weeks to get back to me when I messaged them about something. When I asked something of them, even a small favor. They just could never be bothered to write me back in a timely manner. And when they did, it seemed like an afterthought.

I realized—after time and time again of being hurt by this kind of attitude—that my needs always seemed less important. It simply wasn’t okay anymore.

Maybe my standards are high.

But they are my standards for a reason.

So I started using my voice to invoke them.

I told the people who made me feel less important: ”You know, this hurt my feelings. What I need is people and friends who are available. And if you can’t give that right now, it’s totally okay. I understand, and we will part in peace and in love.”

Instead of silently resenting people, I told them how I feel. What my needs are in regards to our relationship.

I don’t expect anyone to read my mind.

This is why knowing myself—and my individual needs—is so important.

So I can state them clearly. And give others the opportunity to meet me there.

And if they can’t it’s not because they didn’t even know what I needed or how I felt. When two people meet each other in this clear, open, and nurturing way, space is created for something better.

Space is created for truth, love, compassion, and recognition of each other’s soul-being.

Space is created for true soul-mates and a fuller, richer, and more rewarding experience of friendship and love.

So next time someone triggers you and leaves you feeling empty—or less than important—consider if you’ve been stating your needs or if you’ve been asking people to read your mind.

It can make a world of difference.



Relephant Read:

The Truth About Being Honest.


Author:Nastassja Antonia

Editor: Travis May

Image: Flickr/Clèment

Leave a Thoughtful Comment

Read 0 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Nastassja Antonia