“In the course of this great spiral, we return to where we started again and again but each time with a fuller, more open heart.” ~ Jack Kornfield
I know this feeling so well, an old pain, hurt or trauma arises in my system, and I find myself thinking, “Haven’t I healed this one already? I am sure I did it like five years ago or something.”
This is the way I am constantly reminded that our karma, is our karma, and it keeps coming back into our consciousness for deeper and deeper clearing and healing.
This is not a truth I like at all.
But it is a truth I respect.
This being human is a thorough experience. The opportunity to heal and clear negative consciousness keeps arising as opportunity until we leave this human body and continue on to another part of our soul journey.
In some ways, this is a positive thing. The opportunity for growth and evolution is constant. Every moment a chance to develop lovely karma by facing the yucky gross stuff the planet doesn’t need anymore.
But to be honest, I mostly find this truth totally disheartening.
I remember once hearing an interview with Louise Hay, the master of the intentional healing movement, and she was about 86 years old in this interview, and she says, “Well, lately, I have been working on some of my daddy issues.”
I gasped in shock at this comment.
All I could think is, I don’t want to be working on daddy issues at 86 years old, especially if I have done as much self work as Louise Hay has.
But if I think I am any different then Louise Hay, and if I think my healing journey is any different then hers, I am fooling myself, and the bad news is you are, too.
What I really want to be able to tell you and all the clients I work with is that after let’s say one year of intense work at the healing process you will feel better, and you will always feel better.
But I can’t, because it would be a lie.
The person I really want to be able to tell this lie to is myself, of course.
I want to continue to believe that at some point all the wounds will be healed. However, I am a truth-facer through and through, and I know all of you are strong and capable enough to hear the truth, too.
Our pain is our pain, and the only thing we really can learn to do is to get better at transforming pain, versus actually creating a life where we never experience pain.
This week many old wounds have come to the surface for me.
Old wounds I was sure I had moved past. Old wounds that have taken my time and attention thousands of times during my life. Old wounds I have tried to love, worked hard to accept.
Old wounds I have thrown money at, asking for help from professionals and healers.
And still, here they are, my teachers I want to fire.
Perhaps, I chose these teachers, my personal wounds, before I was born. Perhaps, I knew these were just what I needed for my own personal soul growth.
It doesn’t matter, really if I chose them or not, they are the wounds that are here, therefore, they are the teachers I have.
Jack Kornfield wisely tells us, “Spiritual practice is only what you are doing now. Anything else is a fantasy.”
If there was a way to run from these wounds, I would. I have yelled at them, and told them I have no intention of facing them. I have sworn I will turn my back on them, and just be fine.
But even as I am saying it, I know it is a lie.
There are things I want to do in this life.
Love I want to offer.
Joy I want to experience.
Healing and teaching I want to share.
And the abundance of those things are all on the other side of really facing these wounds, feeling the pain, grieving, healing and coming out stronger with more to offer.
So it doesn’t matter how many times we have healed a wound, if it wants our attention again, that is what we have to give it.
Our healing is a demanding beast, wanting our attention at every turn, and our only job is to be it’s willing servant and to surrender to the love and compassion our own systems need in order to grow into greater kindness.
Do we always want to face these demons? No, we definitely don’t.
Do we always feel patient with the persistence it takes to look at the same darkness again and again from every angle possible? No, patience is not always something we are able to bring to the process.
But do we care about our own well-being, and do we want to offer our own healing for the entire good of all beings of the planet?
I know we do.
I know we all do.
This is why we keep returning to the same wounds once again.
Author: Ruth Lera
Editor: Renée Picard
Image: Jairo Alzate/Unsplash