7 Types of Men to Stay away From.

Via Dina Strada
on Feb 16, 2016
get elephant's newsletter

man dude beard alone

*Author’s note: This article was written based on conversations with friends and clients and is not the author’s personal experience.

 

 

“You get so frustrated sometimes that you think you’d be better off alone. That love is not worth the heartache and pain. My Dear Beautiful Strong Woman… it’s not love that causes the heartache and pain. It’s the wrong man you choose to give into.” ~ Mr. Amari Soul

As women, we can fall hard for a man. It might be their looks that draw us in, the story they tell us about themselves, the way they gaze at us with their dark brooding eyes. Or perhaps we see some unexplainable innocence in them that makes us want to take them under our wing and nurture them back to wholeness.

We can’t always explain why it is that when we fall, we can fall hard.

Sometimes against our better judgment, we fall for the same type of guy over and over again, only to have the same experience.

Total f*cking shitstorm.

If you find yourself currently involved with or falling for this type of man, go in with your eyes wide open and just be prepared for what may come by being in that relationship.

Ultimately the choice is yours. Sometimes we need to have the experience to learn, grow and figure out what we are truly deserving of. Just proceed at your own risk.

1) The Fixer Upper

The guy has potential. You can see it. And you just know that all he needs is a little love and nurturing from you to realize his full potential.

Maybe he can’t hold down a job. Maybe he smokes and drinks a little too much. Maybe he lacks ambition, can’t figure out what he wants to do with his life or can be lazy. No matter what it is, you’re completely willing to stay the course, invest in him and make him into what you want him to be.

This will never work. Because people inherently are who they are. And they don’t change until they’re ready, if at all. If he’s not what you want exactly as he is in this moment, let him go and look for somebody who has the qualities you’re looking for.

2) The Non-Communicator

This guy couldn’t communicate an emotion or feeling if his life depended on it.

He’s running late and it doesn’t even cross his mind to call you and let you know. You can go days without hearing from him because he has absolutely no idea that letting you know he’s alive and well is something you actually depend on to keep from reporting his disappearance to the cops.

The most frustrating thing about this type of man is that he doesn’t think communication is important therefore, he’s not going to get any better with it just because you expect it of him. If you’re one of those women who likes to know how he’s feeling and where you stand, move on from this one. It ain’t ever happening.

3) The Player

The definition of The Player says it all. He loves you, and he loves many other women at the same time. Sex with you is amazing…as is sex with all the other women he’s having it with. You’ll never be his one and only because he’s just not capable. Variety is the spice of life for him.

If you’re looking for a committed, monogamous relationship, you won’t find it here.

4) The Man Who Doesn’t Know Himself

It’s very easy to fall for this guy. He seduces you with his brooding, “I’m so confused…” mystique. He asks for your opinion on things. He feeds your ego by tapping into your desire to help him figure things out. He says he wants one thing, but his actions say something completely different.

It gets exhausting trying to figure out what he wants…and until he knows, you’re never going to make him happy. Because nobody and nothing makes him happy. Walk away from this one and let him figure it out on his own.

5) The Lover of the Chase but Never the Prize

This guy loves the beginning of any courtship. In fact, he is the master of courting. He loves to flirt, to send you suggestive text messages and emails…to tell you how lucky he’d be to be with you.

Once he finally gets your full attention, reels you in, and lures you into bed, expect a complete 180 from all that romantic, “I want you and must have you now” behavior. He starts acting more distant. He doesn’t respond to your calls or texts. Communication with him goes from multiple times a day to once a week if you’re lucky.

You start to think maybe you misread him.

You didn’t. The chase is over and this is where the game ends for him. So let it end for you too. You deserve better.

6) The Wounded, Lost Guy

This man is very similar to the “I Don’t Know Myself” guy. He’s been wounded by some other woman, some childhood trauma, or some other catastrophe that’s happened recently in his life. He has made himself the victim in whatever has happened in his life and he plays on your sympathy and desire to “help him heal.”

It’s very easy to feel sorry for this type of man. He comes across as genuine, sweet and oh so helpless. He needs you and that can be very alluring. But be wary of getting involved with him. It can be a roller coaster ride going on the “healing journey” with these types of men and can end up doing nothing but draining your energy. Sometimes it’s better to remain his friend and allow him to heal on his own before diving into anything more serious.

7) The Manipulator/Narcissist

This is the most dangerous one of all. They have tons of charisma and charm, especially in the beginning. They know how to seduce a woman and will tell you whatever you want to hear… especially that he’s “never felt like this before” and feels “such a connection with you.”

Despite any red flags or things that don’t add up from his past, you fall hard fast. Once he has you where he wants you, the games will begin. He may love you, but he loves himself more. He lacks empathy for other people and if you ever question him or what he’s doing, he will manipulate you into thinking you’re insecure, jealous, paranoid or just plain crazy. At the end of the day, he’s out for him and only him and will use any form of manipulation to get what he wants.

Run…just run from this one, no matter how much you may love him.

Here’s the thing about all these different types of men: Most of their behavior is unconscious, not malicious, and they genuinely don’t realize that they are hurting anyone. That’s why it’s up to us to steer clear of them until they do the work they need to on themselves first.

Sometimes a patient, selfless woman can play a huge part in their healing, transformation and helping them become aware of their behavior and how it impacts others—if you want to take that on, my hat goes off to you.

Go in with your eyes wide open and some armor around your heart. These types of relationships can be emotionally exhausting, challenging and deeply painful when they end. Protect yourself by having a good understanding about what you may be getting into before you embark on a journey with anyone that matches these descriptions.

 

~

Relephant Read: 

Why We Fall in Love with Narcissists. The Harsh Truth.

Bonus material: It is possible to be in a relationship and maintain independence at the same time. Here’s how:

 

Author: Dina Strada 

Editor: Renée Picard

Image: James Garcia at Unsplash 


640,904 views

About Dina Strada

Dina Strada is an LA based Event Planner, Writer and Relationship & Self-Development Coach, passionate about helping others heal and embrace their messy imperfect lives. A graduate of Boston College and Coach U, she’s an out-of-the-closet Intuitive, mom to two adorable little souls and still a Jersey Girl at heart. Dina leads Workshops that deep dive into the topics she writes about; Relationships, Healing, Self-Love, Forgiveness & Manifesting Big Shit! Her work has also appeared in Huffington Post, Tiny Buddah, Chopra.com, Elite Daily, The Good Man Project, Linked In & The Manifestation Station. You can register for her workshops and connect with Dina on her website, and follow her daily inspirations on Facebook and Instagram.

Comments

22 Responses to “7 Types of Men to Stay away From.”

  1. RayWhoSinns says:

    These trypes apply to both genders.
    Maybe title 7 trypes of people.?

  2. Carl says:

    And surprise the woman writing this article is single and still looking for that infamous Mr Perfect that doesnt exist except in fairy tails and on movie screens. Just remember the old saying… love is found not by finding the perfect person but understanding an imperfect person perfectly. This article is the main reason why so many people are single. Relationships are WORK. Finding the perfect person never happens yet millions keep searching because of articles like this. Smfh

  3. D.K.Schmidt says:

    Contrary to what Ray said. I think you can’t just say it could be either gender. I think with women there are some stark differences. The premise of many of these stereotypes to the woman is trying to fix a guy. That in itself is a stereotype of women who try to mold a guy into a certain type. Buy him certain clothing, jewelry. Eat this, do this. Guys, run from that kind of woman. Another type is the passive aggressive woman who tricks you into doing what she wants through subtle manipulations and when those manipulations fail resorts to either blaming you or crying. This one guys just slam the door on your way out and don’t look back. If you are lucky and you find a woman who loves you in spite of yourself keep her. She doesn’t have ulterior motives. To her you are perfect just the way you are. As for guys this is the same thing you find someone who loves you just the way you are grab her/him and give them the same unconditional love back.

  4. Karla says:

    Oh um gee. . This describes the human condition. Phases most people go through, male and female, throughout their evolution. if you haven’t lived any of these lives or loved any of these people, then you aren’t truely living, growing, or learning. When people are ready, they do change. Unconditional love of someone despite their flaws and shortcomings is the best catalyst for growth. It aids us all into becoming the type of person who is mindful enough not to hurt others through any of the actions listed. All of these people are worthy and deserving of love, we hurt others and heal others as part of the beautiful dance we call life.

  5. Dina S says:

    You are right.. I should have taken that angle when writing the article to thank you for the feedback.

  6. Dina S says:

    Carl.. Thanks for your feedback. I did want to clarify that oftentimes readers make the assumption that the writer is writing about their own personal experience. Sometimes we do, but oftentimes we write about other people's experiences.
    This particular article is just a compilation of different friend's experiences, not mine. I should have probably taken the angle of writing it about both men and women so it was not aimed at men as men have these exact same experiences with women. I agree relationships are work and I believe being in a relationship with a few of these types of people absolutely can work if you both love and accept each other exactly as you are. I appreciate your candid comments.

  7. Dina S says:

    I agree 100%. I think we are all just looking for someone who accepts us just as we are, since none of us is perfect. We are all in different stages of some of these types of behaviors throughout our lives and I don't believe it defines who we are throughout our life. Hence why I tried to emphasize to "stay away unless you can love him exactly as he is" rather than trying to change him or "allow him to do his work" before trying to carry him through a difficult time. Thank you for your comments.

  8. krishna says:

    Oh goodness! My ex and I just split up 2 days ago… He was all 7 in 1 hahahaaa it was a rough 2 years!

  9. Sean says:

    Yes this should relate to men and women alike but in relation to the narcissist section, a person can have any combination of these traits but give themselves time to generate feelings for a person as it takes time for a persons personality to be exposed. Being all caught up in the love doesn’t make for good life companions and I come across many insecure, controlling and jealous females and the ones that just don’t communicate or show they care at all about you talking to other women and hold back affection. Begging for affection and intimacy is the WORST trait in women these days towards men.!

  10. Austino says:

    I take it Carl, or me and any male, or female as well, we'll become more aware of how and what that someone we are usually drawn has now shown that they display behave different actions. Most may weigh out which one is the real you. Lots of us cannot believe or can't comprehend how a single entity's unique individualism results a combination: with attracting and with repelling the characteristics and qualities form our own personal assumptions, which most of us will now see that the present person in our life, acts like or shares similar actions much like all those past people. The ones whom you've desired to think or had believed to wanna share your future family with. What you've experienced from your own past, only can remind you of what improvements you need to make and what things you should be working on. If we didn't focus and judge over so much stressful things. Things like holding someone else's behavioral standards to be as perfect as they way they were when you first meet and only saw positivity. We never seem to be affected from the minor imperfections and flaws because we don't hold each other to unrealistic standards

  11. Karen Katz says:

    I shouldn't read these kind of articles-it just reminds me that my son will probably be alone his whole life. He is 25, has severe anxiety and depression and hasn't "made it" at all. He is also intelligent and sweet. I don't have much hope for him ever to find someone to love him because he is so damaged, when all he longs for is to be loved. so sad right now.

  12. Fiona says:

    Hey, it's his business if he connects with someone or is alone Mama. Let him find help for his problems, sure, love and support him, but you worrying about his supposed future won't help. Get positive, show him where to get the best help and gently persuade him that life is good. He really really need to love himself first, before he can love others. Mindfulness and self esteem courses are a start , you can find some for free on line. Doesn't need to be expensive.
    Apologies for barging in on your feelings about him, but I have suffered from an over protective family all of my 50 years …. Keep focused on the good ….

  13. Maciek says:

    and I can say that on my path I came across and got involved in a WOMAN displaying 6 out of 7 of these traits …

  14. avrba says:

    Karen, iThere are amazing counsellors and group therapy that can help your son. CBT or DBT have helped several friends of mine. Perhaps they might help him, and give you some hope.

  15. BJCG says:

    Damaged people can be helped and heal, speaking from experience.

  16. gp says:

    Pragmatic, but yet another article implying that it’s only acceptable for perfect people to be in relationships, in love.

  17. Ken K says:

    Hey… your article …. well, I think you did a pretty good job. With two failed marriages to my credit (One wife to mental illness, and the other?.. wrong time/wrong place/wrong everying), I look at articles like this with clear lenses… I see how they can be used as a measuring stick, to see areas where I lack or where my strengths lay, and I am okay with that. Hope the negative feedback didn’t discourage you…

  18. Chip says:

    I think Dina has a very valid point, and I could see myself as being in at least 1-2 categories “without realizing it”. It’s how I was brought up how to treat a lady with respect. On the other hand, men like myself, end up finding the women who use and abuse them as well. I think a collaboration article should be written that shows how each gender uses each other. Not only that, but knowing that every person will fit into one of these categories. The question becomes when is it worth trying to help your relationship vs. when is it time to let go. Openness with your partner is key. Without finding a way to truly trust your partner, how can you truly tell they are one of these types (either gender).

    My 2 cents =)

    -Chip

  19. Man says:

    I really enjoyed your article, but I'm not too sure were I fit in this table you have created.

    It's like this, I am the type of guy who tries to make people happy at the same time I have anger that never really scratches the surface. I mean I'm the one who hurts when I let my anger out of control; both emotionally and physically. Very few times have people seen me angry but not enough for anyone to think anything of it and don't cause harm to others. To be honest I have never had a long relation ship lasting then a couple of weeks. It's just that my connection does grow but I get scared that once she see's who I truly am, she'll be scared to the point were she will not want anything to do with me. I have worked on my anger for quite a while now and it has gotten so much better, I guess it stems from stuff that happened to me and I learned to let it go. But at the end I feel like I will always be too afraid and I'll rather have a short term relationship and it not hurt as much rather than a long term and make it me a worst person. I just wanted add something to your list.

  20. Me in Chicago says:

    You forgot the white knight.

  21. Dee Sweet-Greenwood says:

    My ex-husband is a psychopath, he has no regard for other humans, he is only interested in what he can get from them. We were together for 17 years and raised 2 daughters. I suffer from codependancy and had always believed that a good woman could save him. Huge mistake. He was an alcoholic and drug addict, and when push came to shove, he decided to go to rehab. He met a "nice girl" there and left me for what she would let him do…she had no intention of coming out of rehab and being clean. He has had at leasr 7 other women, one of whom DIED that he victimized.
    My current husband is the sweetist, most caring, honest, loving man I have ever met in my life. He does no drugs and has alcohol about 3 times a year to celebrate various things. He loves my kids and grandkids and treats them as his own. Girls, be picky about who you are with. Heck, you guys be careful, too.

  22. Mara Scott says:

    I think a more helpful approach is to look at your choices and take responsibility for why you allowed yourself to connect with and continue in a destructive relationship. When you fill yourself with the love you long for, you will not be such prey for such destructive people. It really always starts inside ourselves. Wish you much success in filling your life with loving energy and people.

Leave a Reply