February 24, 2016

The First Time I Saw You.


Love at first sight is possible.

Had you told me this 26 years ago, I would have scoffed at you, even as a young adult. I believed love was something you grew and nurtured, it was not instantaneous. Then I saw her; the first of four times I would instantly fall in love.

The first time I saw you I fell in love with you instantly.

I was so unprepared for the love that would fill my heart. But there it was, in an instance, I went from me to us.

We didn’t know it yet, but this love would last a lifetime. I had held you in my heart for so very long before I laid eyes on you. I had no idea what this love would look like nor was I prepared for it. It was refreshing to finally see you and my heart sighed a little. Ahhhh, there it is.

My world changed the first time I saw you. Where once lay an emptiness I never knew existed, suddenly it was full. So full, I felt my heart might explode. So full of possibility and hope. I didn’t know it was missing from my life till the first time our eyes met.

All around us were noises and lights and the hustle and bustle of energy, but all I saw were your big eyes. I reached for you. I pulled you in close to me to feel your warmth. To smell your smell. And to just have you near. I didn’t want to ever let you go.

The first time I saw you, my eyes filled with tears of joy. This moment I had been waiting for had finally arrived. I thought this day would have never arrived, even though it was inevitable. Even though I had prepared, or at least thought I had. After some intense pain of bringing you into my life, it erased in a moment. I didn’t feel anything but the size of my heart grow.

From that first moment, with that look of wonder in your eyes, I have watched it more than once spark and ignite with passion. Passion for the next adventure. Passion for life itself. Always curious and wondering. You have always longed for adventure. Seeking out what life could offer you.

As the days turned into weeks and those turned into years, I knew from that first moment I saw you that you were never mine to keep. Your longing for more would take you away from me. Your desires would grow bigger and stronger till the day you’d set out in search of that more.

And that day did come. I could see it long before you admitted it to yourself or out loud to the world. From the first moment I saw you, I knew that my heart would break when this day arrived. The day you’d tell me you just couldn’t stay any longer.

Now I only get to see you in pictures. It makes me sad that I can’t reach out and touch you; stroke your hair out of your eyes or wipe a tear from your cheek. But I know you have wings now. And you are flying.

But I have all these memories of our love. The smiles. The happy moments. The milestones. And while that love will never disappear or grow weak, I knew from the moment I saw you that letting you go would be the proudest moment of my life.

And from the first moment I saw you, I have been proud of you ever since. You have struggled. You have fought. You have questioned my love at times. You have rebelled against it. You have sunken into it. You have questioned yourself at times. But each time you fell down, you got up. You got up and looked for a better way. You have never settled for something you didn’t feel you didn’t deserve.

From the first moment I saw you, I knew that you will always be my baby. No matter how old I get or how much you grow. No matter how many miles there are between us. No matter how much anger or disappointment we may feel with each other at times. No matter how much I piss you off or how much you piss me off.

So fly my girl. Fly far and fly near. Soar like you were meant to soar. Learn what you are meant to learn. Take from this world all that it will offer. Keep what you need. Discard what you don’t. Love with all your heart. Let it break with disappointment and pain. Be the glorious being you were intended to be. But know that you will always be my first baby.

And from the first moment I saw you, I loved you.



Dear Hope.

Relephant bonus:


Author: Debbi Serafinchon

Editor: Caitlin Oriel

Image: Danielle MacInnes/Unsplash

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