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March 21, 2016

But What if I’m Wrong? 7 Questions to Help us Get Clear.

Flickr/Alexandra Bellink

There are some people who just do one job their whole lives, know their style, their tastes and have a go-to for everything. This is not me.

I look at a four page menu with a sense of overwhelm. Wine lists make me nervous. I’ve changed careers at least four times. I get stuck in the making-up of my mind, because I want to get it right—whatever “right” is.

And of course, there really isn’t a right or wrong, there is simply the choice I made—and the consequences of that choice that are now my reality. It’s difficult in getting there, because in choosing one, I am not choosing the others. In that, the win that can come with the “yes” can quickly feel like a loss of not having all that came with the “no.”

It’s so very easy to fall into the trap of lack—especially when approval is at stake. If these people are happy, then these people may not be. If I do this, then he might think that. Paralysis from the possibility of failure.

However, the answer lies in and through me, as the creator of my reality—as the one whose admission counts first, the work is mine to do.

So, when I get stuck—and I’m spoiled for choice—here is what helps me get clear:

1. Narrow my own choices by going back to the goal or purpose.

Why am I making this choice? What is my desired result? What things will actually help me accomplish that. Limiting the options creates an expansive—rather than contractive—energy.

2. Listen to my gut, then hit pause.

To what was I first drawn? There’s probably a reason. I’ll do a gut check—did it feel right because it was familiar and known and easier? Or did it feel like the kind of right that gave me goosebumps? Both can yield the results I want, as long as I’m clear about what those are.

3. Does it match my core values?

I’m not just talking about ethics here. What I mean is, does it align with things that are important to me—like feeling good, like flexibility, like being with my kids, like connection. If it’s going to interfere with what I hold at my core, I can guarantee it won’t work for me.

4. Who else does it affect?

Zoom out a bit—are there other stakeholders involved? What would work for them? How much does their vote count in this situation? Did I get any input?

5. What’s the term?

Will I feel good about it in the morning? Will I still like this in three days? Is this something I want to be a part of my story? For how long with this decision create an impact?

6. Is it the most loving choice?

Am I leading with love? Is there softness around the decision? Am I reacting? Or responding? 

7. Am I making this unnecessarily complicated?

Probably yes. If I’ve gone through all of the above thoughts, the answer is probably right in front of me, like it has been the whole time, I just hadn’t gotten out of my own way yet.

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Choose wisely—with your heart and with the confidence that no matter what you choose, you are good.

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Author: Michelle Sweezey

Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

Photo: Flickr/Alexandra Bellink 

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Michelle Sweezey  |  Contribution: 7,440