“Finding love is all about timing. Psychology says it’s impossible to find the right person but at the wrong time.” ~thepsychmind.com
Even though it’s sometimes a bitter pill to swallow the reality of love is that if it really was the right person—there will be no such thing as the wrong time.
Yet, it’s not that the timing always seems to be off—but that the elusive right person seems always just out of reach.
In our efforts of being human we sometimes can’t wrap our heads around the idea that just because we love someone doesn’t mean that we are supposed to be with them.
Our egos, while beneficial for some aspects of our personalities, tend to just plain muck up matters of the heart—they tell us to hold on to someone when we should just let go, they lie to us and tell us that maybe it’s just an issue of timing.
But it’s not.
It’s an issue of the person because the truth is if any of us were to meet that so-called right person, there isn’t anything in this world that could possibly make it bad timing.
The idea of the right person at the wrong time is a phrase that fools our rational minds into hanging onto a situation that is never meant to lead anywhere.
Meeting the perfect woman only to find out she’s already married?
Stumbling into the most amazing man only to learn he leaves tomorrow for overseas?
Finding someone who you connect with so deeply, yet “pictures” a different type of life for themselves?
These aren’t tragic love stories like Romeo and Juliet gone awry; these are very matter of fact signs that this person is not the one for you.
It’s difficult when the aspects of the brain that fire off when desire is present are also those that become activated when we are in love—and in many ways it can be sometimes difficult to process if what we are feeling is actually love, or merely a passing longing.
Often times we get so enmeshed in wishing that it could work out we overlook precisely why it shouldn’t.
There are reasons, even if they are hard to find and even more difficult to accept, as to why relationships don’t work out. When we are young we are taught that love conquers all, and that if that is present then nothing else should matter—yet even those fairytales can’t with stand the test of time. Love is incredibly crucial, but so are the emotional availability and lifestyle commonalities between two people.
When we meet someone and say that the timing is right, it has less to do with what day or month it is than the emotional state that each person is in when they meet. We have to be in a place to be ready and open for love, and then we have to have one other important aspect—we have to love in the same way.
One of the biggest characteristics of a successful relationship is that those who often come together—and stay together—usually love in the same way.
This means that the expectations that we have for our partner mirrors what we ourselves provide to those we love. It’s caring for each other in a similar way when ill, having common feelings regarding jealousy and friends of the opposite sex and also each appreciating and needing the same amount of alone time.
When any of these issues are out of balance then we will find ourselves in a state of chaos, and most likely will end up spending more time arguing than enjoying one another’s company.
We could tell ourselves that the other person just needs to experience life more or maybe they need to try a few more flavors before they realize which their favorite is—or perhaps they just need to get their career in order—but none of that is true.
If we meet someone who truly knocks our socks off, who we click instantaneously with and who loves in the same way that we do then there isn’t anything that we wouldn’t do to be with them and therefore the issue of timing is negated.
If it’s the right person we will do anything to make it the right time.
Because sometimes we do just know upon meeting someone that this person is someone who catches a piece of our hearts differently than anyone else ever has and when that feeling is triggered all of those reasons that we used as to why we couldn’t be with someone in the past suddenly won’t matter anymore.
When we meet someone, whether it’s “the one” or not we look at life differently and while we may not have every aspect of our lives figured out in the ways that we wished it was it’s not worth losing someone who means the world to us.
Yet when it’s not the right person it’s easy to make excuses about timing because it lets our egos off a little easier because in the end no matter what lies we tell ourselves, or how much we work at it we can’t ever turn the wrong person into the right one—even with countless chances.
Yet, the irony is the right person will always be right for us in whatever moment we find each other.
Regardless of our life situation or circumstance we always hold the cards as to how we are going to play any given hand—we make our own fate from the choices that we make.
We can choose to tell ourselves that the timing is just off but that the person was right, or we can simply believe that anything that is truly meant for us won’t ever leave us, and that the love that is right for us will always and perfectly arrive right on time.
Author: Kate Rose
Editor: Travis May
Main Image: Shutterstock (purchased by author)
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