April 20, 2016

No Relationship Required—Why we can be Our Own Lovers.

knees hearts self love tattoo legs girl

Maybe some of us are better off alone.

I have been toying with a crazy concept, one that goes against today’s social norms. It goes against what we have been bred to believe from our youth, which was filled with ideas of Prince Charming and Cinderella to Barbie and Ken.

The concept that my mind is longing to normalize is that maybe some of us are simply wired to be content with just ourselves. A me, myself, and I mentality is just something that comes naturally. Some of us may be unable to stay in relationships and have never been quite sure why. It turns out that our rocky and oftentimes short lived relationships are not a product of our short attention spans—we do not simply become bored or dissatisfied like so many of our family and friends presume. We really do put our hearts and souls into our relationships.

However, we find our relationships failing time and time again.

For some of us the idea of letting anyone, besides ourself, have the power to handle our happiness is absolutely terrifying. Allowing another person to toy around with our feelings and emotions is nauseating and goes against everything that our gut tells us is natural. Being with another person is giving them the power to make your day, but not only that—being with another also gives them the power to ruin your day, to ruin it past the point that you could ever ruin it on your own.

And those of us who are used to being alone are accustomed to getting treated the way that we deserve to be treated at all times, because we treat our own souls with respect.

Maybe there are people out there who long to be as in control of their emotions as possible, with no free radicals floating around, holding the power to throw them off kilter. Maybe, just maybe, some of us are designed to be our own lovers. Our own Valentines, our own dinner dates, and our own support system.

Maybe some of us need to know that it is okay to find happiness and wholeness in curling up with nothing more than a good book each night. That we can be our own goodnight kiss and that it is completely okay to love ourselves and to be our own better half.

Some people already know this—and that is why they are so damn confused upon entering into partnerships with others. They are used to having a no bullsh*t policy with themselves. They are not accustomed to having to partake in pointless arguments or being thrown into a confused and sleepless night, trying to figure out what they did wrong that day to merit their partner’s anger. Maybe some people choose to love themselves because they know that they are the best life partner they can find. They know that no one will be able to treat them the way they deserve to be treated—besides their own selves.

Maybe some people have found that they’ve been made an option so many times that they have grown accustomed to being their own priority—and placing that power in anyone else’s hands seems like a dangerous game to play. And they do not like to lose.

So, stop assuming that everyone needs or even wants a relationship. Some people just so happen to be in perfectly healthy and happy relationships—with their own damn selves.


Author: Emily Cutshaw

Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: Hillary Boles/Flickr

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