April 13, 2016

The 5 Step Guide to Choosing your Authentic Self.

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We were put on this earth to be ourselves, for a reason, and with a purpose.”


I want to start off by congratulating you for being exactly who you are.

That’s right, you’re the only person on this earth who is just like you. Mind boggling, isn’t it?

It really is a difficult task, to accept yourself for who you are. Most of the time, we’re simply trying to figure out who that is, or running away from the person we’re meant to be.

The other day I spoke to a rather self-assured and accomplished loved one about his potential in relationships. I quietly sat and listened to him speak assertively about the pride he had in the person he is, as well as express the strength and undeniable confidence he had within himself. I then went on to ask him a rather difficult question, and one I was sure he hadn’t had the opportunity of answering to date.

I asked, “If you were given the opportunity to choose the person you are, would you choose you?”

I saw him hesitate for a moment, as his eyes remained locked with mine. He internalized this question as I watched him escape behind a shadow of his own fears. His reply to me after that was calmly and simply, “ No.”

In a moment’s time, I watched his searing confidence disappear and his insecurities peak through this hard truth he had come to terms with. Sometimes, reality sets in at the exact minute we speak our truth out loud.

It’s a hard question to ponder; choosing who you are today. Most of the time our focus is set on loving and accepting ourselves, but what comes after that? This question forces you to actually level yourself on your own standards and base your worth off of your own criteria. Ever heard you’re your own toughest critic? You’re no longer judging yourself on a “pass/fail” basis, but to think, would you give yourself the highest score in the class? Are we good enough for ourselves?

It’s true we like, maybe even love, the people we are. There are days we feel on top of the world, and days we couldn’t feel lower. We admire many things about us and give ourselves a pat on the back for our accomplishments. We’re not perfect and we’ve accepted that (or are working on accepting that).

Yet, in a full room of people we admire most, the question remains: Would you choose you?

Many of us want to say yes, but deep down we are consumed by feelings that tell us no. We swallow them down and they sit in the pit of our stomach. “I’m not sure if I’m good enough for me,” is what they whisper. It’s hard to face this reality, because you really do love and admire who you are.  This person has overcome a lot in their journey, and this person is deserving. Yet, if given a choice, the fact of the matter is, you might choose to be someone else.

I have a few fundamental ways to guide you into the direction of choosing properly; in choosing who you are today. To get there, you have to go through these steps, and do so with a grain of salt.

Stop trying to be the best version of someone else. You will never be them, because you were never meant to be them. They are only “better” in your mind because you have thought them up to be so. The grass is greener where you water it, and your garden deserves to be nourished, so stop watering everyone else’s but your own. Remember, their space is taken, but there is plenty of room for your own.

Understand why you wouldn’t choose yourself. Seriously, make a list if you have to. If you don’t want to pick yourself, find justification for why this is your reality. Doing so will only better help you understand yourself as a person and your desires. It also forces you to come face to face with your priorities, and let’s face it, we all really need to re-prioritize what we want out of life once in awhile. Clean out that closet.

Highlight the qualities you desire. If it has anything to do with not being like someone else, pinpoint exactly what it is about that person you admire. It’s a great thing to have goals, but they’re meaningless unless you’re actively trying to achieve them. Actively practice and pursue the steps necessary to reach this desire, as it will have a positive effect on every aspect of your life. This comes from nurturing the source, which is yourself, and stitching together the bigger picture of who you are and will be.

Emphasize your strongest traits. We all have our magic powers. Make sure to pin point your own and embrace them, now and always. You are so powerful when you are being true to yourself, and that individual is the most unique form of your being. Emphasize, embrace, love, cherish, believe. This will be all that you need to find the person within you long for, the one that should be seen.

Make a conscious effort to be the person you’ve always wanted to be. Trust that you know best and have the tools within you that will allow you to do so. No one deserves it more than you.

Choose you, because others would too. You may not be aware of it, but you are someone to admire. You are the “better” person in someone else’s eyes, and it’s time to start living your live through that glorified lens. That lens sees you for all that you are, rather than all that you’re not.


Each of us was born to be exactly who we are. What has become of our lives has everything to do with the choices we’ve made, and absolutely nothing to do with how we should be defined.

You may have wanted an apple, but you always reached for an orange, and that was a choice rather than a reflection of your desire.

By not being willing to choose one’s self, we completely give away our power as individuals. All of us are unique, because no one on this earth can ever be who we are. They may try, and we may try to be like others, but no one can ever take on your entitlement.

With that said, whether you believe you were destined to be the person you are today, or you feel no definitive meaning behind the happening, you stand today owning all of yourself. You will forever be you.

The bottom line is this: We were born to be ourselves, for a reason, and with a purpose. We were put on this earth to live out our lives being the best version of ourselves, and only ourselves. This means we owe it to us, to choose ourselves for who and what we are.

I encourage you to ask yourself this question, and I hope your answer will always be yes.


Author: Colette Zakarian

Editor: Emily Bartran

Photo: Hartwig HKD/Flickr

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