April 15, 2016

To Love Those Who have Hurt Us the Most.

Ashley Batz/Unsplash

The person who recognized and embraced my own feeling nature along and cultivated safe space to express it was also the one who ultimately kicked me to the curb after a mutually unkind, raw and despairing relationship.

We opened one another up—ravaging one another’s hearts in a whirlwind of love, suffering and karmic expression.

We broke each other’s hearts with spite and bitterness. We loved one another madly and defiantly.

Had all of this love-making and heartbreak not occurred, neither of us could have liberated ourselves from the confines of self-persecution—reflected outward upon those closest to us.

Gold solders our fractured ceramic hearts, an emblem of what it means to be put back together yet remain broken. It adorns our unique imperfections.

You see, it’s all pain; it’s all love, unifying or separating us eternally until we graduate from our own predicament. The only choice we have is to forgive, let go and heal, otherwise this age-old story will inevitably repeat itself.

My selfish and hateful words have cut through people and lacerated their hearts. My own heart has been scarred by lacerating words and hate-filled projections—bouncing our pain off one another to mask our own.

These feelings own us until we learn to accept their place in our own reality and that we’re responsible for their transmutation.

Feelings of revenge have swept over me on many nights, days and moments when I was full of rage and tears at the same time. Eventually, I was overcome by a deep sense of compassion and love for the source of my torment.

Despite the experiences that bring pain into our lives, we learn to seek the loving expression buried within every hardship we transcend. We eventually recognize our higher self and grant it free expression.

The only way through all of this is to grieve and find space where we’re safe to express everything that’s churning within naturally—to express who we truly are and who we’re not. These people and their torments have lived within us, and always will until we choose to give rise to their expression.

The power we choose to give these expressions determines whether we’ll persecute or celebrate ourselves and others. The grieving process requires every exhibition of each experience to be freed from the constraint of mind—the weaker of our two voices.

Intuition will eventually prevail if we trust in its guidance over time.

So much of my bitter rage, anger, hostility and resentment is no longer buried within me or my psyche (no longer owning me), because I’ve allowed it to give rise to its own deserving expression without harming another.

I’ve chosen not to re-live these experiences or make someone else pay for what I’ve gone through. Instead, whenever these emotions rise, I let them flow and allow the space for the clarity to learn from the original heartbreak.

I adamantly refuse to repeat the vicious cycle. I’m consciously choosing to halt the wheel of karma.

It requires diligence to harbor the space for these emotions to express themselves naturally where no judgement or ridicule might reach us.

I wish for peace in my heart and love for those who have hurt me the most. We will all affect others in some positive or negative way no matter what choices we make in life. The only control we have is over ourselves and how we act—despite what we’re feeling in our heart, mind or spirit. We must learn to advance gracefully while emblazoned with pain.

This is the only way we can truly heal. This is the only way to own who we are and stand in our inherent strength, a ray of light for others to emulate. Accepting our pain as a natural part of this human experience will bridge our suffering and healing, our vulnerability becoming our shield.

Every tear I’ve shed has become one more liberating alchemical reaction leading to new-found peace of mind, a healing heart and emergent spirit to help me realize the inherent beauty that exists in every human.

It’s time to help and time to heal. Please, shed a tear for every moment you’ve been hurt because in doing so, we can finally grow—we can liberate ourselves from the depths of human suffering.

We can become more fully human again and remember why we’re truly here—to love and embrace this glorious mystery called life.


Author: Thayne Ulschmid

Editor: Toby Israel

Image: Ashley Batz/Unsplash


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