Yep, you heard me. And no, this is not one of those lovely, inspiring “find yourself first” posts.
This is a tired, jaded, over-it rant. So, my sweet innocent readers, turn away now. If you are just venturing out on your own for the first time, go and read one of those nice “spend time on and with yourself” posts.
My fellow jaded, lonely, pissed off souls, join me now for a little dark therapy.
Looking back over my writing is like a reading a roadmap for my heart. It starts with reveling in the love less travelled—finding love in life outside of relationship, moves through all the clichés of being single, into the quagmire of online dating and into a new courage to look at love.
And in this time, I have had a few crushes, I have dated a few men (briefly), and I have even had a little bit of sex! And it has mostly sucked!
Would you like the sampler rundown?
- The guy I had a massive can’t-sleep-for-thinking-about-him crush on, who despite us being friends and hanging out most days, didn’t tell me he had fallen in love with someone else. I heard via the small town grapevine.
- The guy I dated briefly while travelling, who abused me in an email after I pointed out that stealing a motorbike helmet was not cool. He then expected us to hook up again next time I saw him.
- Several unrequited crushes—too unrequited to mention.
- The guy I travelled interstate to meet who turned out to be a wanker (that’s Australian for “full of himself idiot”). I agreed to ghostwrite his new book (his third) and we wrote two full chapters before he ghosted me with no further explanation.
- The guy I travelled interstate to meet (yeah, I know, I know, but I hadn’t been to either of the places before, so at least the travel bit was fun!) who fibbed about his height by many inches and had the correlated “other shortcomings”…
That is all not to mention the “perfectly nice but dull” first dates and the indecent online proposals!
And so, I am done.
I will not make any more decisions based on crushes, attraction, cute guys, potentially cute guys, sparks or magic. Anyone I like on sight is hereby instantly ruled out. My crushes will be ruthlessly crushed. Sparks will be put out. Attraction will detract. Consider this my resignation from the game of love.
And here is the part where I would usually offer a witty and clever new perspective. Something insightful and evolutionary that I will be doing instead. Something to help my lovely readers see this from a new point of view. But nope, I’ve got none of that today either. Today, I am just done. I am tired of being disappointed. I am tired of missing out. I am tired of dates and conversations and repartee and innuendo. I am tired of not being the one. I am tired of being only one. Tired.
Ah, gentle reader (if you braved it this far and didn’t run when I told you to in the beginning), never fear. It is likely this will not last long. For if life has taught me anything, it is that this too shall pass (and PMS sucks).
My trademark incurable optimism shall return and I will fall hopelessly in crush with someone new, someone amazing, someone cute and inspiring. I will probably even swipe right again or log back in to a dating site or something equally as foolish. I shall rise above my decision to not make any decisions based on wanting a relationship and intrepidly set sail back into the stormy waters of love.
Author: Tui Anderson
Editor: Emily Bartran