“Lust feels like love until it is time to make a sacrifice.” ~ Unknown
I read this quote and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was in lust with you. Not love. Which is why this is so hard to walk away from.
I had never experienced a racing, pounding out of my chest before meeting you. My mind was wrapped up in thoughts of sexually navigating your body, not soul.
I knew you were wrong from the moment I met you. But, I was in over my head and I couldn’t slow myself down.
I was in total lust with you.
My thoughts surrounded you, what you were doing, what you were thinking, when I could see you next to wrap myself up in your delicious self.
You were beautiful, sexy, courageous, dark and mysterious and I loved every moment being with you, talking to you and being oh so close to you.
I was convinced I had fallen in love with you. My mouth went dry, my hands shook. I was completely entrenched in you. I was infatuated with you. As you were with me.
But then you said those heavy three words and you sent me into a deeper state of complex lust. A lust I confused with love.
I felt like I couldn’t let go of you, I needed you every moment of every day. I needed your attention, your admiration, your aggressive touch.
Did I really need you or was it all just a sweet sensual dream? I’d ask myself.
When I was ready to approach a possible relationship with you, I clamed up, became paralyzed. I knew you were all sorts of wrong for me. You were too dark, too complicated, too messy for me. But, I still wanted you all the same.
I tried. I tried my hardest to reach past the lusty pretend love I felt but I couldn’t budge.
I had to leave you and you had to leave me. It feels heartbreaking to walk away from such adolescent chemistry sending my brain waves into electric shock. I need it. I want it. But I cant have it. It will never last. We are wasting each other’s time here.
My mother once told me: ‘…when a man holds your hand and makes your heart beat faster and makes you feel giddy and excited, walk away from this man…”
How can we be so sure we are not falling into lust? It is not so transparent. Lust sends us into a state of excitement, euphoria, instant pleasure, and is based on “what we can get.”
Don’t get it twisted, girlfriend, this ain’t no love story.
Check out a few things I have learned from this lusty encounter.
5 Signs We’re in Lust not Love.
1. There’s fire but not stability. You cling to one another, constantly feel the need to talk, see one another and touch each other. But there is no commitment or devotion—instead there is drama and chaos. You feel like your heart is breaking over and over with every gesture, body language shift, or lack of text message. Ugh, assh*le wont text me back and its been like an hour!
2. You engage in fantasy thinking over reality-based. You dream up a story of what life will be like with this man. You create your idea of how he should be acting, treating you and behaving. But this is all far from the truth of who this man actually is. Step out of the dream, sister.
3. Sex is your foundation. So, you started off on the wrong foot with this dude. You hopped in bed before he even took you out on a date. Your text messages are full of naughty pictures and fantasy dialogues. You have no idea what they do for a living, who their friends are, or what they think about. All you know is…damn the dude feels good.
4. You don’t “date.” So, sure, your first encounter was at a coffee shop over an hour conversation when all you were thinking about was getting him into bed with you. But never has this man asked you to dinner, to talk to him about your family, hopes, dreams, etc. This man asked you to come over, watch Netflix, and “chill” (Sorry, had to). You finally get around to confronting him about not taking the step to go on a date and he comes up with some excuse like “well, I don’t think this is going to work.” Ok, darling, you are being used. Walk away from this sucker.
5. You are so needy with this dude. You wait by your phone for him to text you back. But this man (well, boy) is so inconsistent with talking to you, that you end up creating some delusional story about him not liking you anymore, sleeping with another girl, or thinking that he has lost interest. You expect admiration, constant attention, and regard, and well—all you get is d*ck pics. Lovely, you are so much better than this. Get out! Like, lets be real, who likes d*ck pics? Ugh.
Sure, it may feel pleasing. Yes, dopamine is firing throughout your brain, same way you feel when you are gorging on chocolate cupcakes. But don’t get it twisted—you are in total lust.
Another danger? Women are more likely to get attached after sex than men are. So, be careful when dipping your toes into the fountain of lust; you may just start to fall even harder and walk away with what feels like a broken heart.
Good luck, be careful, and proceed with caution when that dude starts to make your heart race. This may be anxiety, not love and butterflies.
Author: Marianne Riley
Editor: Sarah Kolkka
Image: Tjook // Flickr
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