Scanning my entire life, I realize that in most of my broken relationships and friendships, I was the one who chose to pour my heart out.
Although I knew that I could never let someone else look through my lens and I could never look through theirs, I insisted on letting the other person know how I felt, what I thought, why I was hurt and what I believed should’ve happened.
I wanted to be understood.
I was hoping my emotions would be grasped and my thoughts swallowed whole. It wasn’t about being right or wrong, it was about being heard. I thought if the friend or partner who hurt me understood my bruises, they could put out the fire burning in my chest.
But frankly, it was f*cking tiring.
Desiring to be heard and understood requires a whole lot of energy and effort. And there’s a high probability that this person will never fully get your emotions or thoughts—just like you won’t get theirs.
With time, I began to lose my sense of peace. I started losing who I am while trying to “prove” who I am.
Then one day, I said f*ck it—I don’t want to be understood, I just want to be at peace.
That was the day I set my priorities straight. I realized my inner peace and happiness were more important than being right or understood.
It made me wonder why I was so keen on being understood in the first place. If the person who hurt me did understand me, he wouldn’t have hurt me to begin with.
I realized that we cannot erase other people’s ignorance by pouring our heart out. No matter how much time we spend discussing our deepest wounds, the problem remains. And making someone feel bad for causing those wounds, won’t fix that person either.
The truth is, some people have ears, but choose not to listen. By trying to force someone to understand us, we willingly give up energy that could be poured into a more beneficial place. It is not our responsibility to change people who can never understand what went wrong, own up to their problems or grasp other people’s emotions.
The best thing to do is pull ourselves out of the situation and leave it to the universe. Once I was able to do that, I let go of the need to be right or understood.
Yes, it’s important that we speak up for ourselves and explain our thoughts and emotions. And yes, we should pour our hearts out when we feel the need. But if we find ourselves doing it all the time, we need to let it go. Every drop of rain can never be caught and forcing another person to feel things as we do will never happen.
We need to be selective with where we put our energy. We need to promise ourselves that our own inner peace should always come first. The moment I dropped the need to be heard by others, I started listening to my own self.
I found peace and an incomparable sense of joy once I realized that understanding myself was enough.
Author: Elyane Youssef
Editor: Nicole Cameron
Image: Patrick Humphries/Flickr