May 5, 2016

I Wish to Have Love in my Life.

original illustration by the author: Eric Klein

A reader writes:

I wish to have love in my life. And yes, I know it is close in terms of time. I just have to be ready to receive it. But I am too impatient to get it. So much so that sometimes I start doubting that I’ll get it.
How can I lower my guard and open to life? I think impatience is obstructing my way. Can you suggest any ways to cultivate patience? 

You can have love in your life. And not just love—you can have virtually anything—at least for a short period of time.
Most of us have had love. We’ve had peace, creativity, wealth, well-being—at least for a short period of time.

Few of us though, have learned how to sustain that love. And among those who have sustained it, fewer still have done so harmoniously.

Let’s reframe the question to this: How can you bring forth and sustain what you most deeply want harmoniously?

It’s not really a question of time. Love is close—but not in terms of time. Wisdom is close. Creativity is close. Every longed for experience, every blessing, is truly close.

What you long for is close in consciousness, not in terms of clock time. It’s right here—and so close, in moments of stillness you can feel it—and yet, as you say, something is in way.

You can live for decades and still never cross the chasm that separates you from what your soul longs for. Many people do. Just living through time—if that living isn’t done with mindfulness, openness and willingness—won’t bring you across the chasm that separates you from your heart’s dream.

The chasm is crossed by a shift in consciousness. To make this shift, you need to understand what creates and maintains the chasm. The chasm is maintained and given life by emotionality. Emotions such as impatience, guilt and shame—when you identify with them—create the chasm and keep you from realizing (and sustaining)  the fulfillment you seek.

Emotionality keeps you on one side of the chasm. It keeps you seeking and longing for love, rather than opening to and discovering that love is ever-present. It sustains—not love—but the impatient longing for love. Identification with emotionality creates the chasm. Yes, the chasm is self-created and thus can be self-un-created.

Un-creating the chasm is the shift in consciousness that re-unites what was never separated to begin with.

How do you cross the chasm that is created by emotionality? Here’s the paradox of spiritual practice: You cross the chasm of emotionality, not so much by focusing on love, but by loving the emotionality.

This is the key message and practice.

You cross the chasm of emotionality, not so much by focusing on love, but by loving the emotionality.

So, what does this mean in practice? It means infusing the emotional pattern (impatience, guilt, shame) with loving awareness.

Here’s one way: Start by recognizing and naming the emotional pattern that creates the chasm—the sense of separation from what you long for.

Let’s use impatience for this example. Consciously realize—even say out loud:

I am not impatient. I am aware of impatience.
(Pause, breathe and experience this with loving awareness.)

I am aware of how impatience arises as thoughts—without believing in those thoughts.
(Pause, breathe and experience this with loving awareness.)

I am aware of how impatience arises as images—without being lost in those images.
(Pause, breathe and experience this with loving awareness.)

I am aware of how impatience arises as inner voices—without being caught up in what they say.
(Pause, breathe and experience this with loving awareness.)

I am aware of how impatience arises as body sensations—without being overwhelmed.
(Pause, breathe and experience this with loving awareness.)

Be gentle. Don’t seek to change the impatience. Just infuse all that arises with loving awareness.

Welcome the impatience without interpretation or expectation. You’re not trying to understand, upgrade and see through the impatience—just welcome it. You’re not trying to repattern, reform or reinvent it.

Infusing emotionality with loving awareness is not a subtle spiritual trick for getting rid of what’s in the way of love. The practice is simpler and devoid of any manipulation.

True meditation is the practice of assenting and aligning with awareness itself. Awareness is both the source and very substance of love (and all other sacred qualities). Rest in the awareness of who you truly are, and you will be intimately in love with all that arises. Not just in formal meditation—in your life.

And this is where the practice gets nitty-gritty.

As you cultivate your capacity to rest in loving awareness, everything that longs for that love will come forth.
Thoughts, memories, sensations that have been rejected, forgotten or un-loved will arise to receive the blessing. People will come into and leave your life—triggering layer upon layer of un-welcomed emotions. Welcome them and infuse them with loving awareness.

Does this make you impatient? As I write this, I hear the mind saying, “But, when will it end? When do I finally get to just be with the love?”

Ah, I see—another thought to be welcomed, infused and embraced with loving awareness. Breath by breath, we drop the struggle against impatience. As the struggle releases so too does the experience of separation. Welcoming the emotionality is letting your guard down.

The path is paved with paradoxes. Seek not love rather love all that appears to block the way.

What are you aware of now?

Please share in the comments below.

Love & Shanti,


Author: Eric Klein

Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

Photo: original illustration by the author.

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