I’ve spent the last year turning my life upside down.

I finally made the decision to end an unhappy marriage that had lasted over a decade. I relocated to be closer to family. I figured out how to manage being a single mother. I changed careers. I finally got brave enough to put my writing out in the world for public consumption.

I began to dream again.

In the last year, I took my entire life apart and put it back together in an entirely new way. There’s so little that remains of the old life, and I’ve been rewarded for stepping out into that particular darkness and taking that risk.

All of the changes have made me consider struggle—why we struggle, how it effects our lives, what comes of it—and the many metaphors out there to describe transformation (butterflies, the phoenix, slaying dragons).

On a day when thoughts of my own transformation were especially powerful, I wrote this essay. I wanted a way to use a common metaphor to put into words what it’s like to face our fears and to make peace with change in our lives.

This is what I wrote:

I don’t feel like we’re slaying dragons here. I feel like we’re making peace with them, laying down our swords before them, often trembling in fear with tears streaming down our faces and finally understanding that the enemy is not something other or outside of ourselves.

One day we will finally understand that there is no enemy, unless it is the sword itself. Our enemy is the sword of our denial. The sword of our resistance to change. The sword of holding onto the things that do not serve us and the people who do not lift us up. The sword of striving for acceptance. The sword of hiding who we are. We must lay them all down.

We’re not slaying dragons here; we’re becoming them.

We’re recognizing that all that we’ve feared is part of who we are. All that we’ve been fighting, denying, resisting. We are the darkness we’ve been hiding from as much as we are the light. We are powerful, fierce creatures, rising up out of the darkness of our fears.

Now, we are becoming. We’re becoming stronger. We’re breathing in our truth and breathing out our fire, no longer hiding from the parts of ourselves that are darker than others. We reach out to embrace those parts, feeling their rough edges, knowing they are essential to the softer parts of who we are. We slide our hands along those scales, understanding they protect the soft fragile being beneath.

Now, we are becoming fearless.

We’re leaning into the change and not away. We are confronting the fears that remain, and we are choosing courage in the face of them. We don’t deny our darkness or our light, our thoughts or our feelings. We speak up and no longer hide who we are, even though it’s terrifying to show so much of ourselves. Even though we may have to walk our paths alone.

Now, we are becoming peaceful. We choose the difficult path, knowing that the struggle will be rewarded. We feel the soft places of our vulnerability, and we don’t keep them guarded. We speak and act in compassion for ourselves and others, because we’re not resisting our path. We embrace the sharp pain of vulnerability knowing that this way leads to greater love and freedom. We lean into love and know that we’re flying, not falling.

In this place of change, we’re not slaying dragons or battling our demons. We’re not in an epic battle with anything now that we know that there is no enemy. Unless the enemy is our denial, our resistance to growth, our fear. As we move toward greater knowledge and understanding, we embrace all of the darkness that we were taught we needed to destroy. Our sharp edges, our vulnerable hearts, our lofty dreams, our truest selves.

We see them now without any filter. We see the truth of ourselves shining brightly from the darkness of a fear we know we can stand and face.

We believe in the beauty of our truest selves.

We know in our hearts that although this path can be lonely, the brave hearts we need will find us, if only we stay true and faithful to our deepest selves. Because brave hearts don’t need fearful ones.

We are equal parts darkness and light, complicated beautiful creatures. We are strong and fearless, peaceful and compassionate. We live in courage and truth, and we walk a difficult path.

No, there are no dragons to be slain here. There is only peace when we accept that there is no enemy to fight, no point in resisting our truth. We lean into the change, peaceful at last.

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Relephant Read:

Don’t slay your dragon (anger, stress).

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Author: Crystal Jackson

Editor: Toby Israel

Image: Brian Tomlinson/Flickr

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