May 20, 2016

Whatever the Hell That was, it Wasn’t Love.


“Some people only love you as much as they can use you. Their loyalty ends where the benefits stop.” ~ Unknown

Love does not end and it is not conditional.

At least that is love in my book. Unstoppable, never-ending, and unconditional. In my mind, if you love someone once- truly, truly love someone—then you always will. Love does not end when a relationship does.

I could not promise to you my eternal presence, but I did promise you an eternal piece of my heart—and I was not wrong about that. Despite all of the sh*t you put me through, all of the tears I cried and sleepless nights I endured, in the end I still wanted to be friends. Even though I knew I could not love you as a partner any longer, I wanted to find a new way to love you, because I still cared about you. And dammit, I always will.

We were simply not meant to be. And when I say I wish you the best, I truly mean that. Just because we crashed and burned into a violently wild blaze does not mean that all of my hopes and dreams for you burst into flames as well. I still want you to find happiness, even though that happiness does not involve me.

And this is how I am sure you never loved me.

When I walked out that door, all of the beautiful feelings and hopes you once claimed to have for me did as well. When I finally left, every tiny piece of respect you had for me tagged along in my passenger’s seat and waved goodbye to you as I pulled away. And that’s how I am sure it was never true.

You wish me the worst while I wish you the best. You wish upon me unhappiness and slander my name, and now I understand that you do not do this because it is your coping mechanism—you are able to do this because you never loved me, and if you did it was conditional. Love is wanting the best for someone else even if that is not what you want or what you think is best for you. Why do you think I stayed with you for so long?

If your love for another can die as soon as they leave, it was never really true. Love still cares even when the heart is hurt and angry. Love still wants the best and wishes the person happiness. Love doesn’t wish misery upon another as soon as their life plan no longer involves them. Love is not self centered—and believe me, I have had times where I wish that it was.

I wish I could be like you, drop all of my cares and hopes. To just quit caring because I did not get my way. But then I guess I wouldn’t have experienced love either.

Maybe that is just me, but when I love, it is forever. I will always care and I will always be there if a helping hand is needed. That’s what love is to me, and we gotta stop settling for people that love us with anything less than that eternal care.

“True love means; I will always stand by you, always support you, and always love you. No matter what distance lies between us.” ~ Unknown


Author: Emily Cutshaw

Editor: Travis May

Image: Flickr/Always Shooting

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