May 31, 2016

Why Nothing Actually Matters.


They say that we are basically empty space. They say we are made up of energy—whoever they are. Well, I believe them.

I know when I’m present. I don’t feel as though I am just in this body. I feel so much more—so much bigger.

Have you ever had such an experience?

In those moments, when I’m not thinking and rather totally being with all things, in that space and time, I feel as though there is no separation. I am one with all things—I am one energy.

I remember first experiencing this in meditation. Then I started to experience it throughout my day. The sensation occurred at unexpected times, as though time had disappeared and I felt like nothing but everything at the same time.

So, in having these direct experiences, I began to ask myself: Why can’t I live this? Did I really come here to have only brief moments of this throughout my life?

To be honest, that was one of my first realisations from meditation—did I really come here only to have twenty minutes a day of bliss and then go back into a way of living that felt so effortful? So forced, so fearful?

So I started to observe what made living so effortful. I started to observe what it was that brought me out of that place of being where things felt effortless, where anything felt possible.

After observing the basic stuff we all have probably heard before—such as noticing my agendas, needs and attachments—things that would obviously take me out of presence, I inquired for a simpler knowing so I could live fully from this space.

Having to keep checking in to see whether I had an agenda, need or attachment to something I was doing was supportive at first—but then it became an endless process. My ego would grab hold of this and start to use it as a tool rather than me simply being myself regardless.

I found myself questioning and thinking about each and every move in life, all in order to maintain my spiritual authenticity. I realised it had just become another mask for my ego.

So, I started to avoid making things matter so much. I started to allow myself to just be who I was being without any judgment at all.

A funny thing happened.

My level of freedom, joy, possibilities and love exploded into even more space!

How did I realise this?

Well, my mind became even quieter. I’m hardly thinking now but rather simply moving. Decisions are not needed to be made but rather realised as I continue to take each step, within each moment.

Life honestly feels like a dance. I just keep moving to the music, that feeling from within, and taking it step by step.

Making things matter, made them matter. I felt separate from something, someone, or my circumstances which I would then have to navigate around. I was no longer taking it step by step. I was getting in my own way. By making things matter, I was placing power in something rather than being one with what is.

When being one, I felt no resistance. I would just flow with how things were showing up as I continued to show up.

I don’t think it would have been supportive if someone had shared this with me before I realised the role of my ego. Noticing my ego’s agenda, needs, and attachments was important. It allowed me to observe who I am not.
If I had been told “things don’t matter, just be yourself,” my ego would have hijacked that information and run wild.

The truth is simple.

However, realising how simple it is and then actually living it has been such a process. It’s been a process for my mind.

Confronting my own thoughts and emotions that I’ve believed have been protecting me and keeping me alive has felt, at times, like baptism by fire.

Letting go of what’s known and diving into the unknown is no easy feat. The ego only wants to step into what’s known. It wants you to believe it’s keeping you safe.

If I were placed back in those moments years ago when I decided to take this journey away from living a life of safety, I would do it again without thought. Coming to experience this way of living has been the most treasured experience of my life and it will continue to be.

So, today, I ask you, how committed are you to realising your truth? How willing are you to follow the feeling that moves you regardless of what you’ve been making matter for so long. How prepared are you to dive into the unknown?

Wherever you are on your journey, I hope you are enjoying the ride.

Author: Jamie Gonzalez

Editor: Sarah Kolkka

Image: Ryan McGuire // Gratisography


Read 13 Comments and Reply

Read 13 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Jamie Gonzalez