June 28, 2016

A Male Perspective on what Breakups Teach Us.

guy on his back

Just recently I have experienced two painful break ups within a short amount of time. Instead of blaming the universe for throwing negative stuff at me I chose to focus on the lessons that can be learned from that drama.

The first chapter in that story was my partner announcing our separation on the phone after three-and-a-half years. At the same time I was challenged by a severe physical injury that caused major problems with my life as a yoga teacher; I was really losing my faith with my path at that time.

I decided to take my time and recover from my physical and emotional wounds. I took a yoga teaching job abroad. My journey led me to Morocco where I was teaching daily yoga classes right at the ocean. Teaching yoga and meeting all kinds of inspiring people really helped to reconnect with myself and question the patterns that might have caused the struggle I was facing:

Will I ever be able to trust again? What if I will be lonely for the rest of my life? 

The way out of that seemed to be establishing more self-awareness toward my own habits and being less reactive to things that might irritate me. Just being in the moment and not attaching to the outcomes of my actions became my new practice. I started playing music again, got my running shoes on, started some CrossFit exercise and probably the most important of all: I established a daily meditation practice.

Without planning it, the outcome was amazing. I lost the 18 pounds that I’d gained from my injury without even trying. After three months I had my little band I was playing concerts with on a regular basis and the running gave me one runner’s high after the other. It was the best recovery plan I’d ever had, without even planning it.

People around me noticed all of a sudden that I had changed.

All of a sudden, I found myself in a romantic love story, too. This deep connection…that came out of nothing…taught me that I still have the ability to love and trust someone. More and more, I learned to give into that experience and not be afraid of the possible outcome, even though it was pretty obvious that this love wouldn‘t last long.

Close friends already saw the drama starting all over again. Even the fact that the patterns of that relationship were similar to the one I had before didn‘t hold me back from jumping into it. I was present, and I was happy.

I fully let go into that love story; I even moved to a different country to keep this feeling of inner peace and happiness. This relationship became the most important thing in my life, and I started attaching to the outcome of it. I was envisioning my future and seeing myself at the end of my journey. Without noticing, I lost everything I had established for my own well-being. My need to feel loved by someone took over, and my fear of being left behind blocked my ability to enjoy the moment.

Not a big surprise, but soon enough my partner didn‘t feel our connection anymore…and at that point reality set in and doubts took over.

I noticed how my optimistic being had shifted into the wounded being I had been eight months ago.

I started blaming my partner for leaving me and saw myself as a victim of life.

But is this the lesson to be learned? Blaming others for their feelings? Just because they don‘t make us happy anymore?

No, it is not anyone’s duty to make us happy. We should be aware on our path that we create our own well-being as well as our own suffering. We choose the people that we connect with, and those people are facing their own challenges and not ours. Everyone is on their own journey, seeking for something that makes them happy. There might be a point where it matches, but also a point where it doesn‘t. It gives us insight about the individuals and their journey, but it doesn‘t say much about the “soulmate-level“ between them. Maybe the timing was just not right and who knows what will happen in the future.

What I learned from this experience is that as long as we are on this journey, seeking for our true self, we will have to face the challenging breakups over and over again. Those dramas represent the drama that we carry within. It is our own struggle that is being reflected by our partner and how could we blame someone we love for that?



˜ (white to hide the thing?)

Author: Robert Busch

Image: Flickr/Mr. Seb

Editor: Travis May; Catherine Monkman

Read 9 Comments and Reply

Read 9 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Robert Busch  |  Contribution: 160,745