How Group Sex can be a Tool for Personal & Spiritual Growth. {Adult}

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Bugs aggregation group sex gathering nature

Talking about group sex as a spiritual experience may sound outrageous, out of place, inadequate—and yet, in each and every sexual experience lies the possibility of deep transformation.

Group sex is no exception.

Group sex (meaning, in this context: consensual sexual activity that involves more than two people) may not be part of everyone’s ordinary sex life, but it is definitely part of most people’s fantasies. The reason we don’t often allow our group sex fantasies to become real, is mainly a strong social bias against group sex.

Society teaches us that sharing sexual space with multiple people is a perversion, a kink, something to practice in secret. Because of this social stereotype, it may be difficult to see how group sex can offer, beyond simple enjoyment, the possibility of deep, personal growth. But this is exactly the case.

Accessing trans-personal space through group sex.

For one, group sex can be the physical, embodied expression of a deep and often forgotten truth: that we are all connected, and that we are all alike. Sharing sexual intimacy in a group offers a possibility to go beyond the level of personal preference and selection, and experience a taste of a deeper layer, where individuality matters less.

When more than two people are sexual with each other, the circulation of energy changes radically. The sexual game becomes less of a “you choose me, I choose you” experience—everyone’s attention and desires end up being somehow shared. We realize that, beyond our personal traits, we are all vehicles of erotic energy. Personal identity loses a bit of its importance, and what emerges is a sort of group sexual identity and well-being. This is one of the reasons why many esoteric traditions have included group sex rituals in their practice: they are a powerful tool to go beyond personal identification.

The experience of a more “trans-personal” sexual space, in which we feel the group energy over the single individual’s, can be quite revealing, accustomed as we are to equate sexual intimacy with an exclusive recognition of each other’s individuality.

The challenges of competition and communication.

Group sex also has the potential to bring up some of the most intense challenges for our ego. Take a threesome, perhaps the most common form of group sex. How would it feel to share a lover with another man or woman? Some of our deepest fears and wounds can come to the surface: fear of rejection, abandonment, self-denial, competition, envy. Our ego can start to cringe. And when the ego is under pressure, amazing opportunities for growth are just around the corner.

Imagine for a moment two men and a woman in a shared sexual experience. Competition can easily arise between the two men. (Who is getting more of the girl’s attention? Who is making love more? Better? Louder?) Yet, in order for everyone to feel good, the two men will need to communicate. If there is no erotic attraction between them, they will have to find another way to acknowledge each other’s presence. Perhaps simply a friendly look, an encouraging pat on the back, or some honest and kind verbal communication. They will need to silence their ego and surrender to the situation.

It isn’t necessarily easy, but once such a channel of communication is open, it can potentially break the wall of competition in one of the arenas where it most arises: sexuality. Often the two former “competitors” will end up establishing a new, deep bond.

We tend to think of group sex as a kinky, recreational activity, but more often than not, it involves a lot of communication and processing—before, during and after the sexual experience is over.

Sharing sexual space with a beloved.

A particularly intense form of group sex is the kind where we share with someone we deeply love. We may be faced with a powerful challenge: watching our beloved making love with someone else. Witnessing our beloved taking pleasure with someone else is one of the biggest challenges for most of us. Even those of us who practice some form of openness in relationships are usually leaning on the side of, “Do whatever you want, but please not right in front of my eyes!”

And indeed, seeing our partner making love with someone else can bring up all sorts of insecurities, fears and wounds. Will he/she get more pleasure than they do with me? Will they eventually leave me for this other new, shiny man or woman? These experiences trigger deep pain and insecurities. Here we have the opportunity to follow those insecurities to the root and discover what lies there. This is a deeply spiritual process, because at the root of every fear and insecurity, we find a shaky attempt of the ego to construct an identity for itself by comparing, competing and dividing.

We may identify with being sexier, more likeable or more orgasmic than anyone else in the room…and here we are, getting that identity torn to pieces while we watch our beloved reveling deeply in pleasure with someone else. It’s a direct and powerful way to shred our ego away—not for the faint of heart, perhaps. And yet, once we dispose of all the external layers of the ego, we may experience the boundless, infinite awareness that is our only true identity. Believe it or not, many people have had some of their deepest spiritual realization while watching their beloveds being sexual with someone else.

Moreover, couples often walk out of a group sex experience feeling that the connection with their beloved is deeper than before. This can bring about the releasing of a deep fear. “Wow, I watched that, I did that, my beloved enjoyed that…and nothing horrible happened! We are still together, connected and in love with each other!” When couples consciously decide to share sexual space with others, this usually marks an evolution of their own relationship, which grows stronger and deeper.

Do it, but do it consciously.

Summing up, sexual play, including group sex, offers endless possibilities for deep realization and growth. Just as we grow by embracing one special human being in a tender, sensual connection, we can grow by witnessing our beloved receiving and giving love to someone else—or by sharing erotic and sexual energy with more than one person at a time.

Sexuality, in all these cases, acts as an “accelerator,” intensifying the challenges and emotional triggers, but also the rewards and the personal growth we can derive from such experiences.

In short, if we decide to engage in group sex, we can do it consciously, seeking not only pleasure and fun, but also something deeper: the opportunity for personal and collective growth.

 

Author: Raffaello Manacorda

Image: Wikimedia Commons

Editors: Catherine Monkman; Yoli Ramazzina

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Raffaello Manacorda

Raffaello Manacorda is an international Tantra teacher and faculty at the International School of Temple Arts (ISTA). Coming from a background of radical political activism, he has been practicing Tantra for more than 15 years and has undergone intensive training in several styles of Yoga.

Raffaello believes that the evolution of sexuality and intimacy is a necessary step to heal the planet and create a culture of peace. He is the author of “Conscious Relationships”, a practical guide to evolved intimacy.

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Heidi Morales Jan 28, 2017 12:47pm

I don't know about this I personally feel it is not for everyone. For example a woman who is not confident with her sexuality and perhaps does not have great confidence in herself or her body would not be let's say a "canidate" for such ventures. I feel this is risky and even more so for couples who have never done anything taboo. This would require some type of experience between couples first such as going to a club for swingers and/or preparing themselves in other ways before they dive right in.

Anne Mullen Jan 28, 2017 12:04pm

How about working as a group to make the world a better place? Habitat for Humanity, feed the poor, provide safe place for our inner city children to play, bonding over helping others I imagine is much deeper and longer lasting than what you are suggesting.

Lale Javaheri Oct 7, 2016 5:13pm

Paula Ferree Hi Paula. Would you mind sharing your thoughts as to why you feel this way?

Paula Ferree Jul 3, 2016 3:25pm

as a tantra therapist for a decade, i repeat, DO NOT fall for this rotten tripe.

Paula Ferree Jul 3, 2016 3:22pm

Tantra my eye. written by a man for men. this is pure cultural marxism and has ZERO to do with Tantra.

Kelly Pettit Jul 2, 2016 1:11pm

I believe that there are much deeper ways to connect to groups than sex. I personally like deeper. Group sex (for me) would be the opposite of deep. There sure is a lot of sex going on in the world (not a bad thing), but is there a lot of CONNECTION going on?

Raffaello Manacorda Jul 1, 2016 1:46pm

Thank you Olaf for sharing your thoughts!

Claire DB Jul 1, 2016 10:39am

Opens up my mind, had not thought about it in this way. Thnx!

Bhadra Ma Prem Jun 30, 2016 10:19pm

Beautiful post...i enjoyed reading! Thank you a lot...& keep on sharing more <3

Olaf Gitter Jun 30, 2016 7:15pm

A very thought-provoking article that resonates with my own, albeit limited, experience of group sex.

Akhilesh Singh Jun 30, 2016 4:30pm

Either it is group or single main concern for spiritual upliftment is preservation of praanic energy. If one is able to preserve it he or he is really free.

Raffaello Manacorda Jun 30, 2016 3:37pm

Thank you Steph for reading it and for your feedback. I'm glad you found it fantastic :)

Steph Mutch Jun 29, 2016 7:23pm

What a fantastic article! I've never thought of it this way, but it makes so much sense! My perspective is shattered! Thank you for sharing :)